


The Story of Us

by Elabearie



Category: C-Pop, EXO (Band), EXO-M, K-pop, Luhan - Fandom, Sehun - Fandom
Genre: EXO - Freeform, Gen, Hanhun - Freeform, HunHan - Freeform, Luhan - Freeform, M/M, SeLu - Freeform, Sehun - Freeform, xunlu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 03:06:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 68,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19142299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elabearie/pseuds/Elabearie
Summary: "My mind may not remember you, but my heart will never forget you..."~Sehun is a writer who treasures his memories. But when he loses them, will he be able to find his way back?Luhan is an artist who treasures his moments with Sehun. But when Sehun's personality turns a complete 180, will he be able to hold on?





	1. Chapter One

Luhan sighed inaudibly as he opened the door to his apartment. He grunted as he lugged in freshly bought bags of grocery. “Sehun?” he called, with hope blossoming in his chest.  _You idiot,_ he scolded himself,  _it’s not like he’ll suddenly remember you in two hours._ After he put the groceries away, he found Sehun standing motionless on the balcony, watching the world go by at his feet. “Sehun?” Luhan asked again.

“If you’re asking me if I remember you, the answer is no,” Sehun said flatly, without turning around.

Luhan bristled. “I was just making sure that you haven’t gone anywhere because you haven’t fully recovered from your injury yet,” he snapped.  _Sehun was never this rude,_ he thought bitterly.  _This isn’t the same Sehun, anymore,_ his brain thought sadly.

“You could’ve just popped your head in and it would’ve gotten you the same result,” Sehun replied brusquely.

“You may not remember me, but at least the old Sehun was respectful to his elders,” Luhan retorted, brushing away his angry tears before Sehun could see them.  _He probably wouldn’t even notice,_ Luhan thought scathingly.  _He probably wouldn't even care._

“Hasn’t it occurred to you that I will never be the old Sehun,  _hyung_?” Luhan heard Sehun say sarcastically before Luhan slammed the door.

“Does it kill you to be nice?” Luhan shouted at the door he had just slammed. There was no reply.  Luhan sighed as he dialed a familiar number.  _Sehun, just please come back to me._

* * *

Sehun hadn’t meant to snap at Luhan, but he couldn’t help it. It was overwhelming. He had just lost a whole lifetime’s worth of memories and every day, he was bombarded with different triggers that would bring up a hazy memory. But when he tried to grasp onto it, it would dissipate. This left him extremely confused and cranky.  

After what seemed like an hour after their argument, Sehun finally decided to venture out with guilt gnawing at him. He found the apartment empty and dark. “Luhan?” He called cautiously. There was no answer. He wandered to the kitchen where dinner was set out. There was a light blue note attached to the screen that kept flies away. With the guilt growing stronger, Sehun read the note.

_I’ve gone out. Dinner is set for you. –Luhan_

Sehun was flooded with guilt. Luhan had been so nice to him when all Sehun was cold and rude.  _It wasn’t Luhan’s fault that I lost my memories,_ Sehun told himself. He resolved to fix this. Sehun sighed.  _I’m going to start being nicer to Luhan,_ he decided.

* * *

“He’s not getting any better, Baek,” Luhan groaned to his best friend, staring miserably at the drink in front of him. He hadn’t touched it. Baekhyun patted his back sympathetically.

“It takes time, Luhan,” Baekhyun reminded him gently.

“I know,” Luhan sighed, “How’s Chanyeol doing?” Chanyeol and Sehun were both involved in the same accident that had cost them their memories. Chanyeol took less damage to his brain than Sehun had.

Baekhyun looked apologetic, “He’s starting to remember some things. Like he slightly remembers his family. Today he told me I looked familiar.”

Luhan nodded tiredly, “That’s great Baek. I’m happy for you.”

“I’m sorry, Luhan,” Baekhyun said mournfully.

Luhan waved his apology away. “Sehun’ll remember,” he said confidently with forced cheerfulness. Baekhyun nodded, trying to boost his friend’s optimism. He couldn’t help but feel sorry for Luhan. Luhan always put on a brave face even when the worst happens to him, yet he seemed ready to crack at any time.

“Of course he will,” Baekhyun said firmly, “And then things will be back to how they were before.” Luhan nodded.  _He looks exhausted,_ Baekhyun thought sadly to himself. He remembered the childlike Luhan who was always full of energy, cheering up those around him instantly. Baekhyun missed that Luhan.

Luhan checked his watch. “I should go. It’s getting late.”

Baekhyun nodded, “Make sure you get some sleep,” he told him.  “Take care of yourself.”

“I will, you too,” Luhan paid his check and rose to leave. “Bye Baek,” he pulled his friend into an embrace.

“Bye Luhan,” the two released each other and Luhan left the bar. Baekhyun sighed and went back to his apartment. Thankfully, Chanyeol was better than Sehun. Baekhyun didn’t know what he would’ve done if Chanyeol was like how Sehun was acting now.  _I probably couldn’t have done it,_ Baekhyun thought grimly,  _Luhan is stronger than me._ Chanyeol had at least accepted the fact that Baekhyun was supposed to be in his life. Sehun was doing all he can to push Luhan out of his. Again, he felt sorry for Luhan. He admired Luhan’s resilient qualities. Baekhyun just hoped his friend won’t crack so easily.

* * *

Luhan unlocked his apartment door, expecting the usual dark emptiness. What he got, however, was a brightly lit apartment with Sehun watching TV on the couch. Silently, he took off his shoes and hung up his coat. “Hi,” Sehun said shyly, when he came in view of the living room.

Luhan eyed him suspiciously, “Hi. Did you finish dinner?” He asked hesitantly.

“Yeah. It was really good, thank you.” Sehun said. Luhan stared at him like he had grown another head.

“Did you hit your head again?” Luhan finally asked.

“No, I just decided to be nicer to you,” Sehun replied quietly.  Luhan raised an eyebrow. “Well after all, you’re taking care of me. I figured I should be nicer to my caretaker,” Sehun smiled an aegyo-filled grin. Luhan felt his heart ache at the smile. He had missed it so much. He could almost believe Sehun was back.

“Ok then,” Luhan processed this inside his head. “I’m going to bed. Make sure you’ve turned off the TV when you’ve finished watching.” Abruptly, he made a beeline for the guest bedroom. He refused to cry, even though he desperately wanted to.  _I have to stay strong for Sehun._

Sehun frowned at the quick way Luhan had left. He looked upset.  _I was nice to him, wasn’t I?_  He asked himself worriedly. He resolved to try harder the next morning.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italicized words within the squiggle lines are flashbacks! Please enjoy!  
> ~

Luhan woke up the next morning and started the usual routine. He was startled to find Sehun already up, making coffee. “Sehun?” He asked hesitantly, “What are you doing up so early?” He rubbed the sleep from his eyes just to make sure he was truly awake.

Sehun turned around, “I thought I’d make some coffee,” he explained, shrugging noncommittally. Luhan gawked at him.

“You never make-” Luhan broke off. “Never mind.”

Sehun looked at him quizzically before turning his attention back to the coffee machine, unsure. “I don’t usually make coffee?”

Luhan didn’t know what to say. He opened and closed his mouth multiple times. “What are you trying to do?” he finally asked, looking at Sehun warily.

There was a sheepish look on Sehun’s face. “I thought that if I returned to my usual routine, maybe the memories will come back."

Luhan narrowed his eyes. “What do you think I have been doing for the past three months?” he burst out. “I’ve been doing everything I can to try to trigger your memories. Everything!” Luhan suddenly found himself shouting.

Feeling a pang of guilt, Sehun looked away and concentrated on his coffee. He took a sip. And grimaced. “This tastes awful!”

Luhan sighed. “That’s because you prefer tea. Bubble tea, to be exact,” he muttered bitterly. Sehun raised his hands to his temples, closing his eyes as a wave of hazy memories washed over him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_“Sehun-ah,” the doe-eyed boy laughed, “You drink too much bubble tea!”_

_Sehun stared at the laughing hyung, “There is never too much bubble tea!” he declared firmly._

_“Sehun-ah, let’s go for something else today! How does coffee sound?”_

_Sehun crossed his arms and frowned at Luhan. “I hate coffee,” he said stubbornly._

_Luhan rolled his eyes. “You always go for the same thing. We need to switch it up.”_

_Sehun pinned the smaller boy beneath him, “Bubble tea,” he deadpanned. Luhan shook his head. “Don’t make me…” Sehun grinned and pressed his fingertips to Luhan’s sides._

_Luhan’s eyes widened when he realized what Sehun’s intention was, “Fine!” he panicked. “Bubble tea, it is!” Sehun sat back on his heels to let the elder escape._

_“Thanks hyung!” he smiled his most aegyo-filled grin._

_Luhan shot him a dirty look, “I spoil you too much,” he grumbled._

_Sehun grabbed Luhan by the shoulders and nestled his chin in the crook of Luhan’s neck. “That’s because you love me,” he said sweetly._

_Luhan sighed and pushed him off, “Too much,” he was still grumbling. “Sometimes, I wonder if you love me as much as I love you,” he pouted._

_Sehun spun the smaller boy around to face him. “I love you. I love you. I love you,” he peppered kisses all over Luhan’s flawless face. His lips landed on the other’s lips. “I love you,” he breathed against Luhan’s soft lips._

_“I know,” Luhan said grumpily. “Go get ready. We’re getting your beloved bubble tea.” He got up to change._

_Sehun grinned, “I love you, Lulu.” Luhan threw a pillow at him._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What is it?” Luhan’s anxious voice broke Sehun from his thoughts. Irritated, Sehun rubbed his temples. His head hurt. As quickly as the memory had come, it was gone in a matter of seconds.

“Nothing,” Sehun retorted shortly. He went into his room, a place where he could think without Luhan permeating every thought in his brain. Luhan stared at his retreating form. It seemed that the cranky Sehun was back. Luhan sighed, _what did I do this time?_

* * *

“Sehun,” Luhan knocked gently on the door of Sehun’s room. _Our room_ , Luhan thought bitterly. He pushed the unpleasant thoughts away and focused on his goal. “You’ve been cooped up inside for too long. Let’s go outside. The fresh air will do you some good.” There was no response. Luhan sighed and turned away when, to his surprise, the door opened quietly, revealing Sehun.

“Ok,” Sehun said quietly. He was too tired to fight the onslaught of memories. His head still hurt. But he figured some fresh air could help. 

Luhan smiled brightly. “We can go get some bubble tea,” he said cheerfully. Sehun just nodded, but Luhan refused to let his cheerfulness waver.

* * *

“Here we are,” Luhan said enthusiastically, as he pulled open the door of the Cofioca shop. He moved out of the way to allow the silent, stoic Sehun through.

“Luhan! Sehun! You two haven’t been back in ages! It’s nice to see you two back!” The girl at the counter greeted them warmly.

Sehun instantly stiffened, “You know me?” He eyed the girl suspiciously.

“Sehun,” Luhan broke in hurriedly, “Why don’t you order something?” He pointed to the wall of flavors. The girl studied the pair. Something was definitely wrong. It was true that the couple hadn’t visited in over three months, but the way Sehun had addressed her couldn’t just be the result of their absence. The two of them weren’t holding hands, like they always do. Luhan looked sad, she noted, and Sehun seemed frustrated.

Something in Luhan’s eyes told her not to question it and she wisely kept her mouth shut. “What would you like to order today?” She beamed.

Sehun seemed completely flabbergasted at the vast variety of flavors. “I… don’t…” he trailed off. Frustration was clear in his voice.

Luhan forced a wide grin at the girl, “We’ll just have our usual then, Jessica.”

The girl nodded, “Of course, Luhan,” she said cheerfully as Luhan led Sehun to the corner booth, the one they always go to. The girl wondered idly what exactly had happened between the two as her hands prepared the ever familiar order. _Luhan seemed ready to fall apart,_ she mused. She shook herself. _It’s none of your business,_ she scolded mentally. She set the chocolate bubble tea in front of Sehun and the taro one in front of Luhan. “They’re on the house,” she smiled at an attempt to lessen the thick tension floating around the pair. “To celebrate you guys coming back here.”

Luhan smiled slightly. “Thank you.” He reached out for his drink and sipped it in silence. Sehun, on the other hand, merely glared at the girl with clear suspicion. Jessica, at that point, decided to scurry back to the safety of her counter. “This is our spot, Sehun-ah,” Luhan’s quiet murmur broke the silence. He quickly corrected himself, “Sehun, I meant Sehun.” He gazed into his drink. Sehun remained silent. He hadn’t even touched his drink. Luhan sighed. “Drink your bubble tea, Sehun. It’s your favorite, after all.” Sehun reached for his cup and sipped it halfheartedly. The sweet taste of chocolate instantly set off another memory.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_“Where are we going?” Sehun grumbled, allowing the elder to tug him down the street._

_Luhan shot him a grin, “You said you wanted bubble tea,” he reminded the younger one._

_“But we already passed the shop!” Sehun felt an overwhelming need to whine._

_“Well I feel like we need a change of scenery,” Luhan said firmly. “You know, variety is the spice of life,” he added._

_“What was wrong with the one we always go to though?” Sehun wondered._

_“Nothing. I just wanted something different,” Luhan explained, pulling open the door of a colorful bubble tea shop._

_“Hello, welcome to Cofioca! What can I get you today?” a cheerful voice greeted them._

_“Look Sehun! They have so many different flavors!” Luhan said excitedly. “What do you want?”_

_Sehun cast his glance over the rows of different flavors until his eyes landed on a familiar one. “Can I have a chocolate bubble tea please?” He grinned at the girl behind the counter. Beside him, Luhan gave a huff of annoyance. Sehun grinned wider._

_“We’re going for variety, Sehun!” Luhan hissed._

_“You dragged me all over the place today. All I wanted was some bubble tea! I think I deserve my chocolate bubble tea,” Sehun reasoned, much to Luhan's displeasure._

_“What would you like to order, sir?” the girl addressed Luhan._

_Luhan tore his glare from Sehun. “I guess I’ll just have taro bubble tea then,” he said glumly, defeated._

_“I thought we were going for variety?” Sehun whispered, smirking. He was rewarded with a light flick to the forehead. The two of them collected their drinks and settled into the corner booth. “Ah,” Sehun sighed in contentment as the cold chocolate slid down his throat. Luhan was still glowering at him. “Fine,” Sehun sighed. “I’ll order a different flavor next time, ok?”_

_Luhan smiled. “Promise?”_

_“Promise,” Sehun said solemnly._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Sehun. Sehun,” Luhan tried to get the attention of Sehun.

Sehun jerked his head up. “What?” He asked, confusion thick in his voice.

“You were spacing out…” Luhan trailed off. “Are you feeling ok?”

Sehun felt a tinge of annoyance at Luhan’s worried tone. “I’m fine,” he replied curtly.

Luhan looked away, “Let’s just go home, ok?” He finally asked.

With that statement, Sehun felt even more irritated. _I don’t even know what home is._ “Fine.” He agreed. He was ready to escape the concerned gaze of that girl who kept staring at him. Who somehow knew his name.

The walk back to the apartment was as silent as the walk to the tea shop. Neither one of them knew what to say. And quite frankly, Sehun welcomed the silence since it meant he didn’t have to hear Luhan’s voice. His head hurt. A random stranger knew his name. And he was irritated with the way the memories decided to come and go. In other words, Sehun was pissed. Suddenly, he felt cool, slender fingers wrap around his hand. Fingers that might belong to those of a piano player. Sehun froze. “What are you doing?” He asked, startled.

“Oh!” The fingers retracted themselves. “Sorry, it’s a habit, I guess,” Luhan shoved his hand into his pocket. “I’m too used to-. Sorry,” he mumbled, staring down at his feet. Sehun glowered at him as he crossed his arms. “Sorry,” Luhan repeated. The rest of the walk home was filled with thick tension between the two of them. But strangely, Sehun liked the cool weight of Luhan’s hand. Even if it was just for a brief moment. _What is happening to me?_ Sehun asked himself. _I don’t even know him. Luhan is basically a stranger to me._

Once the pair got to the apartment, Sehun made for his room where he turned to the only thing that didn’t bring up any memories or cause any headaches. Music. The soothing, calming sounds of the band _Nell_ filled his ears. Satisfied, Sehun went out onto the balcony, where he got lost in guitar chords and sounds of the city.

* * *

Luhan quietly went into the room that he had converted into his studio and sat down to finish the commission for a young couple who wanted a painting of their wedding. He had already sketched out the basic features. All he had to do next was paint it. He stared at the picture for which he was using as a reference. The couple gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes made Luhan feel a pang in his heart. Sighing, he turned on the music and relaxing sounds of a piano filled the room. He worked quickly. Pretty soon, everything but the eyes was done. The eyes were the hardest part. Luhan wanted to capture the look of love between the couple. He tried to erase the longing that came whenever he glanced at the picture. Suddenly, one. Two. Three. He looked down at his arms where three glistening droplets sat. _Stop it,_ he scolded himself, _stop this._ He sucked in a deep shuddering breath and tried to get back to work. But his body wouldn’t cooperate. His fingers trembled as they held the brush up. Sighing, he put away his supplies. The painting would have to wait. He grabbed his sketchbook and crawled onto the ledge that ran just below the wall of windows. There, he climbed onto the roof. It was his favorite place to relax and enjoy the city scenery. He settled comfortably on the ground, leaning his back against the concrete wall. He laid his sketchbook across his lap and waited for inspiration to strike. Absentmindedly, his hand began to move on its own across the blank page. Two pairs of twinkling eyes formed. Then two sets of dark eyebrows, followed by two grinning mouths.

Luhan stared down at his sketchbook. He had drawn the two of them, dressed up, as if at a wedding. They looked happy. In love. Droplets fell onto the drawing, blurring the thick pencil lines. “ARGH!” Luhan let out a cry. _Stop crying, stay strong for Sehun_ , he told himself over and over again. He brushed his tears away angrily. He was angry at himself for being weak. Angry at Sehun for getting in that stupid accident. “WHY?” He shouted. “WHY? WHY? WHY?” Nothing answered him save for the distant honking of the cars.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder: the italicized words within the squiggles are flashbacks/memories. One line of italicized words THAT IS NOT WITHIN THE SQUIGGLES are characters talking in their heads/character thoughts. A chunk of italicized words THAT IS NOT WITHIN THE SQUIGGLES can be song lyrics, dreams, etc. So ONLY THE ITALICIZED WORDS WITHIN THE SQUIGGLES ARE FLASHBACKS/MEMORIES. Just to clear things up a bit! :) Ok, now enjoy! 

[EXO-M Angel](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9z9PGZQ3S0)

 

The two of them had settled into some kind of a routine, just like they always have, except this time, they were more awkward with each other. There were longer stretches of silences and barely any exchanges of gazes. The two hardly looked at each other in the eyes. In the mornings, Luhan would cheerfully greet Sehun whenever he woke up. Luhan would set out breakfast for him and write a little quote to stick on the refrigerator. Then he would proceed to ask Sehun what he wanted to do that day. Sehun's response would be the same every day, "Nothing." Luhan would shrug and disappear into his studio to work on his commissions. Sehun would go back to his room and listen to music. At some point in the afternoon, Luhan would emerge from his studio to prepare lunch. He would again ask Sehun if he wanted to go somewhere and Sehun would give the same answer. They were basically strangers. There were moments, however, when Sehun would remember some small insignificant thing from the past. They were meaningless things, but they made Luhan's warm brown eyes shine. Sehun found himself looking forward to those moments in which he would ask Luhan for confirmation and Luhan would nod, his eyes lighting up. Seeing them light up with hope would stir up indescribable feelings within Sehun. But a glimmer of pain was always apparent within those hope-filled doe eyes, making Sehun's heart ache. Those moments left him as quickly as they came. It made Sehun extremely frustrated and easy to snap anytime. But Luhan remained patient and held onto the thought that Sehun was just closer to waking up. Some nights, Sehun would lie awake in bed wondering why Luhan continued to stay with him despite the way Sehun would take all his frustration out on him.

 

* * *

One night, both of them decided to watch a movie. It was a film in a foreign language, one neither of them understood. But they had fun trying to copy the accents of the actors and describing the scenery. It was one of the few moments where they were able to have a real conversation with each other rather than communicating through simple questions and one word responses. Toward the end of the movie, Luhan had fallen asleep. Sehun sat there for the longest time, long after the movie had ended. He marveled at Luhan’s fluttering lashes and was entranced by the way Luhan’s honey brown hair shone in the moonlight. Sehun had the strangest urge to run his fingers along Luhan’s jaw line. He closed his eyes,  _stop it,_ he told himself sternly. But his hand shakily reached out on its own and gently brushed Luhan’s hair back from his eyes. Luhan turned instinctively toward Sehun’s touch, causing Sehun to suck in a trembling breath. Before he could stop himself, Sehun had placed a chaste kiss on Luhan’s lips. A shudder ran through him as Luhan murmured, “Sehun-ah…” Instantly, a memory popped up.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_“Luhan-hyung!” Sehun stuttered in surprise as he opened his apartment door revealing Luhan with his arm raised, as if to knock._

_“Sehun-ah!” Luhan grinned, with a smile that made Sehun’s heart flutter. “I was just about to knock, how did you know I was out here?” Without waiting for his answer, Luhan looped his arm through Sehun’s, “Come on! Let’s go for some bubble tea! We haven’t seen each other in two days!” Still in shock, Sehun allowed Luhan to tug him out the door. Once they had gotten their bubble teas, Luhan decided they need some fresh air and proceeded to haul Sehun toward the park. There, they found a bench and Luhan chattered excitedly about his commissions before he noticed that Sehun was unusually quiet. “Something wrong, Sehun?” he asked. Sehun hadn’t even taken one sip of his chocolate bubble tea, when it normally would have been gone in seconds. Sehun swallowed hard._

_“Hyung…I need to tell you something,” he said slowly. Luhan nodded for him to continue, slurping at his taro bubble tea, a flavor Sehun detested.”Hyung… Luhan…” Sehun was shaking. Luhan raised an eyebrow but waited patiently. “I like you,” Sehun blurted out. “In fact, I think I’ve been in love with you ever since we met,” he said in a rush. Sehun dropped his head into his hands with a strangled groan._

_Luhan sat there, openmouthed, but quickly shook himself.”Sehun…” he said gently._

_Sehun stood up, not looking at Luhan. “I understand, hyung,” he whispered. “That was stupid of me.”_

_“Sehun,” Luhan said again, louder.”Look at me.”_

_“I’ll…I’ll leave you alone,” Sehun mumbled dejectedly._

_“For heaven’s sake, Sehun!” Luhan shouted. Suddenly a pair of pink lips met Sehun’s. A pair of lips that was soft and molded perfectly to Sehun’s. A pair of lips that tasted like taro. A pair of lips that belonged to Luhan. Sehun was too shocked to respond. “Yah Sehun-ah,” Luhan pulled away slightly to catch his breath, “Don’t just assume things.” He chuckled breathlessly. Then he pressed his lips against Sehun’s once again._

_Sehun never knew taro could taste so good._

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Sehun jerked away, breathing hard. He couldn’t recall the memory but he could definitely feel the pressure of Luhan’s lips against his.  _What the hell?_  His heart was hammering against his chest. Quickly, he rose up from the couch and dashed for his room, feeling like he had just ran a marathon. He was shaking. He felt like he was getting bombarded by everything that was Luhan. “ _Sehun-ah!”_ He could hear Luhan’s laugh. Could feel Luhan’s lips against his. Could see Luhan smiling at him. Could smell the scent of Luhan’s signature scent. Could taste Luhan’s lips. Sehun panted; he was surrounded by Luhan, drowning in the essence of Luhan. He raised his trembling, fisted hands to his temples as if to block the memories that were raining down on him. “Argh…” Sehun gave a strangled cry. His head had never hurt so much. Or maybe it was his heart. Sehun didn’t know anymore. He stumbled to the bathroom and fumbled open a bottle of sleeping pills. He swallowed two, plugged in his headphones, and allowed the magic of the sleeping pills to overtake him. He fell into a restless, dreamless sleep.

By the end of the week, Sehun had found something else that allowed the memories to stop coming.

* * *

"Sehun,” Luhan sighed sadly as Sehun came stumbling in through the door. It was the fourth time Sehun had come home with his face red, eyes bloodshot, and breath reeking of alcohol.  _You want to forget me that badly, huh?_ Luhan thought bitterly as he helped Sehun into bed. Tears pricked at his eyes but he refused to let them fall.  _Stay strong,_ he lectured himself. _Sehun’ll come back._ But even as Luhan repeated this mantra like he did every night, he couldn’t help but feel that he was lying to himself. 

* * *

“This is the fourth time already, Baek!” Luhan said quietly, curling up on the couch, hugging his knees to his chest. "It's already been five months since the accident and still no progress!"

Baekhyun was silent for a few moments. He could tell how much Luhan was hurting. “Sehun’s in denial, Luhan. It won’t take long before he comes to his senses,” he said carefully.

Luhan barked a humorless laugh, “Denial?” He laughed bitterly. “Sehun just doesn't want to remember.”

“No, I’m sure that’s not true.” Baekhyun insisted.

Luhan laughed again, a noise that sounded to Baekhyun like a broken cry. “He hasn’t taken his medication for over a week, Baekhyun!” He rattled the bottle of pills as emphasis even though Baekhyun couldn’t see him. Luhan was met with silence on the other end.

“Don’t give up on him, Luhan,” Baekhyun finally said, even though he knew it wasn't much help, “Don’t lose hope.”

“I’m not planning on giving up,” Luhan muttered darkly.  _I just wish it wouldn’t hurt so much,_ he added inside his head.

The two were silent for a few long minutes. “Maybe you should move on, Luhan,” Baekhyun said gently.

“No!” Luhan said immediately.

“Luhan, don’t you think he has hurt you enough already?”

“No,” Luhan’s voice cracked. “I’m not giving up on Sehun.”

Baekhyun sighed, “Fine, Luhan, fine.” He didn’t want to argue. The two fell silent once more.

“Would you ever give up on Chanyeol? Or moved on from him if he ever hurt you?” Luhan asked quietly.

Baekhyun froze. He couldn’t even fathom the thought of leaving Chanyeol. “No, I don’t think I can,” he finally admitted guiltily.

“Exactly.” Luhan said softly. “I’m not giving up on Sehun,” he said again, more firmly. Silence once again overtook the two friends. “I need to go check on him,” Luhan sighed. “Goodnight Baek.”

"Night Luhan.”

 

* * *

_"Sehun! Catch!" Sehun's father tossed a ball in the air to his seven year old son. The child's hands reached for the ball, but the ball flew above the little boy's head and landed on the street. "No, Sehun, let me get that!" Sehun's father stopped his son from running out onto the street. He walked out onto the street when suddenly a car appeared. It swerved widely, out of control. The driver was clearly drunk._

_"Appa!" Seven-year old Sehun shrieked. But it was too late. The little boy watched as the car slammed into his father. The driver, horrified, gunned the gas and roared away, the shrieks of the little boy lost in the noise of the engine. "APPA!" Sehun cried hysterically. "NO NO NO!"_

"Sehun! Sehun! _Sehun!"_ Luhan tried to wake Sehun, who was thrashing around. 

"NO! Sehun shouted. "NO!"

"SEHUN!" Luhan shook Sehun frantically. Sehun shot up, instantly awake. He was breathing hard and drenched in sweat. 

"What...?" His breathing was ragged. Sehun looked around, disoriented. 

Luhan crawled onto the bed. Sehun tried to push him away, trembling. Luhan wrapped his arms around Sehun's shaking body. "Shh..." He murmured, "You had a nightmare. It's ok now." He rubbed Sehun's back. "Was it about your father again?" 

Sehun nodded "How... How did you know?"

"It's not the first time you've had this nightmare," Luhan replied gently. "Shh, it's ok now. It's over," Luhan murmured. His hands continued to make soothing circles on Sehun's back. He could see that Sehun wasn't going to calm down anytime soon.

 

_"_ _Hao xiang shen me dou bu dong de yi ge hai zi_

_Yi yang chun zhen chong sheng_

_Na ge mei li de shun jian_

_Shuang yan bi shang you sheng kai le pa zhe yi qie zhu shi meng liu lian_

_Wo jiu zhen cheng zhan zai ni mian qian ke wang de dao ni shi xian_

_Zhi shi xiang he ni yi qi zou_

_Liang ge ren yong tong yang de bu diao xie zou_

_Yi ci jiu zu gou_

 

_Dang wo cheng zuo zhe feng_

_Zai ni de shi jie jiang luo_

_Bai se de feng_

_Zai ni shen bian huan rao zhe_

_Ni wen wo lai zi na li_

_Xiao zhe hui da shi mi mi_

_Zhi yao shi ni he wo_

_Yi qi zou xia qiu_

_Tian tang zai sui shi he sui di"_

 

Luhan sang softly. Sehun, at that point, had fallen asleep. Luhan watched him as he took deep, even breaths, dark lashes fluttering against pale skin.  _Oh, Sehun, if only you knew how much I miss you._ Luhan watched Sehun sleep for a few minutes before he started singing again. 

 

 

_"Dui wo lai shuo ni bi tian shi hai can lan yao yan_

_Ru guo you shui dui ni bu yi_

_Wo yo ding bu yun xu_

_Fang fu di yi ci jin runyi dian yuan de tan te be an_

_Rang wo mei tian zhi shi wang zhe ni_

_Xin li yi zhi xiang zhe ni_

 

_Sui sui de chen ai he sha li_

_Wo bu hui rang na xie shang hai kao jin ni_

_Yong yuan shou hu ni_

_I'm eternally love_

 

_Wei ni dang xia kuang feng_

_Shen wei ni de shou hu ze_

_Yong yuan you wi_

_Jiu suan shi jie dou leng mo_

_Mei ci ni tong ku wei qu_

_Wei ni hui ba lei ca qu_

_Ru gui shi ni he wo_

_Bu guan zai na li_

_Tian tang shi sui shi he sui di_

 

_Ai shang ni de wo zai ye mei you di fang ke hui tou_

_Chi bang yi jing bu zai you_

_Yong heng de sheng ming bei duo zou_

_Ke wo yi ran gan jue xing fu wei yi de li you_

_Yin wei wo de yong heng xian zai jiu shi ni_

_Dang wo cheng zuo zhe feng_

_Zai ni de shi jie jiang luo_

 

_Bai se de feng_

_Zai ni de shen bian huan rao xhe from you_

_Ni wen wo lai zi na li_

_Xiao zhe hui da shi mi mi_

_Zhi yao shi ni he wo yi qi zou xia qu_

_Tian tang zai sui shi he sui di"_

 

Luhan finished the song and wiped a tear from his eyes.  _If only you could understand what I was singing..._ Luhan sighed and opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. "I love you," he managed to choke out. It was a broken whisper, full of unspoken tears. Slowly, Luhan unwound his arms from Sehun and slipped quietly off the bed. "Goodnight Sehun," he addressed the peacefully sleeping boy.  _I love you._

* * *

The next day was just like any other day. The two of them ate breakfast quietly, not mentioning the events that had happened the night before. "The song that you sang last night," Sehun finally said, breaking the heavy silence. 

Luhan stopped eating "Yes?"

Sehun hesitated, "You have a really great voice," he mumbled, the tips of his ears turning red. 

"Thank you," Luhan said simply. Silence once again fell upon the pair. 

"What's it about?" Sehun blurted out. "The song?"

Luhan raised an eyebrow at him. "Nothing really. Just about two lovers," he shrugged lightly. 

"Oh," was all Sehun could say. 

Luhan couldn't bear the awkward tension anymore, "Well, I've got to deliver a painting today. I probably won't be back until late afternoon." He told Sehun. "I'm leaving now; you can order whatever you want for dinner and all." Luhan dashed for his studio, and grabbed the finished painting. Pretty soon, Sehun had the apartment all to himself, but for some reason, he felt strangely empty. 

* * *

The rest of the week continued like that, with the two of them attempting to make awkward conversation. Sehun wanted to scream. He felt suffocated. Not only did he feel overwhelmed, it didn't help that Luhan had started invading his dreams at night as well. It got to a point where Sehun couldn't take it anymore. He snapped. 

 

* * *

"Sehun, what do you want to do today?" Luhan asked cheerfully as he carefully wrote out today's quote of the day. 

"Stop it," Sehun's voice was low. 

Luhan went still, "Sehun?" His voice trembled. 

"Stop it!" Sehun shouted. "Stop all this!" He waved an arm wildly. 

"What do you mean?" Luhan asked cautiously. 

"You're overwhelming me! I feel suffocated! You're driving me nuts!" Sehun burst out. "Just stop all this! All of it!"

"Sehun-" Luhan started to say before Sehun cut him off. 

" _Stop it! Don't say my name!"_ Sehun hissed. "Just stop it, ok?"

"Alright," Luhan said slowly, "What do you want me to do?"

Sehun sucked in a deep breath. He didn't know what he wanted.

"Leave," he breathed out, surprising both of them.

A look of hurt crossed Luhan's features, which stirred up guilt within Sehun. "Sehun..." He whispered in a pleading tone. 

Sehun didn't want to hear his voice. He didn't want to hear the hurt in Luhan's voice. He did not want to see the hurt so clearly imprinted in Luhan's eyes. He had enough of Luhan.  _That's a lie_ , something whispered inside of him. He chose to ignore it. "I just can't," Sehun finally murmured. 

"Can't what?" Luhan asked quietly. 

Sehun didn't look at him. "I just can't be in love with a stranger," he whispered. 

Luhan flinched as if he had been slapped.  _There's nothing else in the world that can possibly hurt more than this._ Luhan felt as if someone had torn his heart out and ripped it in half. "Alright," Luhan was surprised that his voice was steady. "Alright. I'll leave." Slowly, he pulled the keys to the apartment from his pocket and tossed them on the table. Numbly, he turned towards the door. "I'll be back for my things later," he said. 

"Luhan!" Sehun started. Luhan waited but did not turn around. "I-" Sehun found he couldn't come up with the words.  _I'm sorry,_ he wanted to say.  _I'm sorry for hurting you._

_Don't go,_ his heart wanted to say, _don't leave me._

Sehun wanted to say a lot of things and struggled to find some words.

Maybe the words he was looking for were:  _I love you._

But nothing came out of Sehun's mouth. 

_"_ Goodbye Sehun," Luhan said softly.  _Whatever it takes to make you happy, Sehun, whatever it takes._

The door closed softly. Luhan was gone. 

Sehun felt like breaking down in tears. He felt like tearing out his hair. He didn't know what to do. It was like there were two sides of him battling within his brain. It was even more frustrating than the constant barrage of memories. "AH!" He banged his fist on the table in frustration. A light blue piece of paper floated toward the ground. Sehun picked it up. He let out a strangled laugh. It was Luhan's quote of the day. 

_"You never know what you have until it's gone."_

Sehun wanted to cry at the irony of the quote. It felt like there was an empty hole within him. He wandered around the apartment, feeling lost. The apartment had never seemed so big.

Sehun waited the entire day for Luhan to come back and collect his things. 

But Luhan never came back. 


	4. Chapter Four

"Hey Baek," Luhan greeted his friend when Baekhyun opened the door. 

"Luhan..." Baekhyun said, a little surprised. "What are you doing here?" He realized he sounded too harsh.  "I mean, it's eleven in the morning." He then took in Luhan's tired appearance. "Did...anything happen?" He added hesitantly. 

"Can I come in first?" Luhan chuckled, but Baekhyun could see the pain hidden behind his eyes. 

"Oh of course," he moved aside to let Luhan pass.

Chanyeol had just stumbled into the living room, looking frazzled, "Baek, I-" he stopped when he saw Luhan. 

"Hello," Luhan started to introduce himself when suddenly, to the surprise of both Luhan and Baekhyun, Chanyeol broke into a wide grin. 

"Luhannie hyung!" He leapt forward and crushed Luhan in a bear hug. 

"Chan...yeol..." Luhan squeezed out, "Can't...breathe!" Chanyeol released him immediately. Luhan gazed up at him "You remember me?" He asked, shocked. 

"Well no one can forget you, Luhannie hyung! Not even one little accident can make me forget," Chanyeol beamed down at him. Baekhyun visibly cringed at Chanyeol's choice of words. 

 _Well someone can,_ Luhan thought silently, but he merely smiled up at Chanyeol. "You look good, Chanyeol, healthy. I see Baek has been taking good care of you."

Chanyeol beamed at Baek, "He's the best!" Baekhyun blushed but didn't say anything. "You look too thin, hyung." He examined Luhan. Luhan shrugged. Being the happy person that he always was, Chanyeol brightened up again. "Where's Sehun?" He asked after his best friend. 

Luhan dropped his eyes to the ground. "Sehun's at the apartment." He mumbled. 

Baekhyun noticed those words. He noticed that Luhan didn't say " _Our apartment"_ or " _home." "_ Yeol," Baekhyun said quietly, "Why don't you go watch some TV?"

Chanyeol looked at the both of them and could sense that something was up. He decided to let Baekhyun figure this out. After all, Baekhyun was Luhan’s best friend and the one who didn’t lose his memories. Chanyeol then wrapped Luhan in a warm hug, "It's going to be alright, hyung." He gave Luhan a bright smile and left the living room. 

Baekhyun turned his attention back to Luhan, "Now tell me what's really going on before I find some way to force it out of you." Luhan stared at the ground. “Luhan…” Baekhyun said gently. “Tell me what happened.”

“Sehun…” Luhan murmured. “He…he kicked me out,” Luhan whispered brokenly.

Baekhyun stared at him, not believing his ears. “He what?”

“You heard me right, Baek,” Luhan said bitterly, sinking down onto the couch with a heavy sigh. “Sehun kicked me out.” It hurt to say that. But nothing could hurt Luhan more after what Sehun had said.

_“I just can’t be in love with a stranger.”_

Luhan closed his eyes. To Sehun, he was a complete stranger. He could feel himself shaking. Seven years. Seven years with Sehun. Not that it mattered anyway, Sehun couldn’t remember him. “Luhan,” Baekhyun’s voice sounded faraway to him. Luhan ignored him and sucked in a deep shuddering breath. “Luhan,” Baekhyun called again. Luhan felt Baekhyun’s warm arm wrap around him, but Luhan wanted someone else’s strong arm. Someone else’s warmth. Someone else’s comfort. “Stop trying to hold it all in, Luhan,” Baekhyun said softly. “It kills me to see you like this. Just let it all out. It’ll do you good to cry.” Luhan shook his head. “Luhan,” Baekhyun said exasperatedly. “It’s not good to bottle everything up.” Luhan let out a dry sob. He willed himself not to let the tears fall. He couldn’t. He refused to let them fall. He pressed his face against Baekhyun’s shoulder. It wasn’t the shoulder he wanted, but he accepted the comfort that Baekhyun offered him. The two friends sat in silence as Luhan tried to get control of himself. Baekhyun only rubbed his back but didn’t say anything, just offering the comfort that a best friend could provide.

“What am I going to do, Baek?” Luhan finally whispered, his voice cracking.

“Well first of all, you’re staying here,” Baekhyun said firmly. Luhan lifted his head from Baekhyun’s shoulder in surprise.

“I’m fine with-” Luhan began.

Baekhyun shook his head, “No, you’re not. We have a spare room and you’re staying here.”

“But-” Luhan started to protest.

“Let me do my best friend duties, will you?” Baekhyun sighed. “And plus Chanyeol is more than happy to have you around. Now that he remembers you, he’s probably missed you.”

“Baek-“

“Luhan,” Baekhyun crossed his arms and Luhan knew that the argument was over.

“Alright fine,” Luhan gave in. “What else?”

“Well as soon as you’re sleeping soundly, I think I might go over there and give Sehun a piece of my mind,” Baekhyun said.

“Baek…” Luhan sighed. “Leave him alone.”

“Luhan, he hurt you. And he’s still hurting you. Why are you still protecting him?” Baekhyun asked, frustrated.

Luhan cast his eyes downward, “I haven’t given up on him, Baek.”

“Luhan…” Baekhyun dragged his name out in a frustrated sigh.

“I can’t, Baek, I just can’t. I love him,” Luhan whispered.

“But it’s killing me, Luhan. It’s killing me to see you bring this down on yourself. You’re hurting yourself by not moving on.”

“I can’t. I love him too much to give up,” Luhan murmured sadly.

Baekhyun wanted to argue, but seeing the look on Luhan’s face, he decided against it. “Fine.” He sighed. He got up from the couch. “YEOLIE!” He hollered.

“What are you doing?” Luhan stared at his crazy friend. Baekhyun ignored him.

“CHANYEOL!” Baekhyun called again. Chanyeol appeared in the living room.

“What’s up?” he asked curiously.

“Chanyeol, we’re going to have a fun day!” Baekhyun cheered.

“What are you doing?” Luhan asked again.

Chanyeol clapped his hands gleefully, “Fun days! I love those!”

“Why do I suddenly feel like regretting my decision to sit with you that first day of school, Baekhyun?” Luhan groaned when the pair turned to him with matching mischievous grins.

“Get up,” Baekhyun grabbed Luhan’s hands.

“What are you doing?” Luhan repeated.

“We are going to take your mind off of Se- things,” Baekhyun hurriedly corrected himself, while shooting Chanyeol a glance. _What Chanyeol doesn’t know, won’t kill him_ , Baekhyun reasoned. Chanyeol did not need to know that his best friend had turned into an icy brat who had kicked the love of his life out of their apartment.

“Baek,” Luhan sighed, “I’m not feeling up to this, ok?”

“I know, which is why we’re doing this. Get up,” Baekhyun commanded.

“Baekhyun…”

“GET. UP!”

“I just want-“

“Yeolie, please.”

Luhan gave a startled yelp as Chanyeol effortlessly lifted him up from the couch. He glared at the both of them.

Baekhyun smiled sweetly at him, “We, being your good friends, are not letting you mope around,” he said before Luhan could make up another excuse.

Luhan held his hands up in surrender, “Alright fine, what are we doing?” He eyed them warily.

Baekhyun grinned cheerily, “We’re just going around the city, Luhan.”

* * *

What Luhan thought “Going around the city” meant didn’t match up with what the Baekyeol couple had in mind.

“Really Baekhyun? You thought a trip to the amusement park would help?” Luhan collapsed onto the couch, exhausted.

Baekhyun sank down onto the couch next to him, still wearing his balloon hat that Chanyeol had won for him. “No, but it was fun, wasn’t it?”

Chanyeol bounced in like an excited puppy, “Baek! We have to go back!” He cheered. “Luhannie hyung!” Luhan’s mouth was suddenly stuffed with cotton candy. “Wasn’t that fun?”

Luhan swallowed the cotton candy while Baekhyun smirked at him. “Alright,” he sighed heavily, “It was fun,” he admitted. The Baekyeol couple cheered and hugged each other. Luhan rolled his eyes at them. He did have fun though. He honestly laughed more in a day with the Baekyeol couple than he had in the past four months. “But now I’m exhausted,” he complained.

“Well, go to bed then!” countered Baekhyun cheekily.

“I don’t have any of my stuff!” Luhan suddenly realized. There was a pause.

“I’ll go get your stuff tomorrow,” Baekhyun said, “You can use whatever is in the guest room. I keep it well stocked.”

“Baek, you don’t have to do that,” Luhan started, “I can-”

“I’m going to get your stuff,” Baekhyun said firmly. “You shouldn’t see him. Seeing him would only hurt you more.”

“Baek…” Luhan sighed, but the glare on Baekhyun’s face told him not to argue. “Fine,” he gave in. “Goodnight.” Luhan trudged wearily to the guest bedroom.

* * *

Sehun hadn’t slept well. Truth be told, he didn’t sleep at all. He had waited the entire day for Luhan, jumping at the tiniest sounds, ears perked up for the sound of the key turning in the lock. But Luhan didn’t come back. He checked his phone. There weren’t any missed calls or new messages. When he walked into the kitchen the next morning, he was half-expecting Luhan to be humming a cheery song and greeting Sehun with a sunny smile and a _“Good morning, Sehun!”_  Instead, he found the kitchen empty. Sehun slumped against the counter. Luhan was stirring up feelings that felt foreign yet familiar at the same time within Sehun. _And he wasn’t even here._ He glanced to the refrigerator where normally there would be a light blue Post-it with the quote of the day. There was no sight of the familiar light blue square anywhere on the white fridge. _That’s because you kicked him out, idiot._ Sehun sighed. _What is happening to me?_  He glanced to the table where Luhan had tossed his keys. They were still there. Sehun groaned, _Luhan, you’re turning me into a teenage girl._ Sehun shook himself. Was he seriously talking to Luhan inside his head just now? _Stop it, Luhan is a stranger to you. You don’t know him,_ he lectured himself. So why did his heart ache at the mention of Luhan’s name? Sehun chose not to answer that question.

The doorbell rang, shaking Sehun from his thoughts. “Luhan?” He called. He winced at the hopeful tone in his voice. _Urgh._ The doorbell rang again multiple times, as if the person was impatient. “I’m coming!” He yanked open the door to reveal a scowling, shorter guy who had kohl-rimmed eyes. The guy had his arms crossed. Sehun blinked in surprise. “Who…? _"_

“I’m Baekhyun, Luhan’s friend,” Baekhyun glared up at Sehun. “I’m here to collect Luhan’s things,” and with saying that, he marched past Sehun.

“Why isn’t he here?” Sehun asked hesitantly.

Baekhyun turned around to shoot him another icy glare. “Do you even have to ask that question?” His voice was practically trembling with rage. _Geez,_ Sehun thought, _Luhan sure knows how to pick his friends._

“What do you mean?” Sehun asked. Baekhyun merely glowered at him before turning into Luhan’s room. _What is up with this guy?_

“Alright, tell me what you need,” Sehun heard Baekhyun talking. He saw Baekhyun holding a phone to his ear.

“Is that Luhan?” He asked quietly. There was a pause.

 _“Is that Sehun?”_ Sehun heard a faint voice.

“No,” Baekhyun said shortly, answering the both of them. “What do you need?” he asked again. There was another pause.

“ _Nothing really. Just some clothes,”_ Sehun heard Luhan finally say. “ _But don’t forget my journal, Baek. It’s very important to me.”_

 _“_ Where is it?” Baekhyun asked.

“ _It’s in the wooden box under the desk. Bring the box too.”_

Baekhyun peered under the desk, “Found it.” He reached for a little box and when he did so, he accidentally bumped into the desk, causing a stack of paper to flutter down. Sehun didn’t notice that he was walking towards the scattered paper until he held them in his hands. He realized that they were pictures. Pictures of them. Sehun and Luhan. Sehun’s hands trembled. “Anything else? Any paintings?” Baekhyun asked.

“ _No, I transferred all my commissions to my big studio last week since my clients wanted to see them before I finish.”_

“Alright then, I’ll just pack you some clothes then.”

“ _Thanks Baek.”_ The two friends hung up. The pictures were suddenly snatched out of Sehun’s hands. He looked up in surprise to see Baekhyun glaring at him as he tucked the pictures neatly inside the wooden box.

“Remind me why you hate me again?” Sehun blurted out as he watched Baekhyun drag out a small suitcase from the closet and began filling it up with Luhan’s clothes.

Baekhyun glared murderously at him, “Well, let’s just count all the reasons, shall we?” He barked a laugh. He got up and walked towards Sehun. “Let’s see… First of all, Luhan is my best friend and _you_ ,” Baekhyun jabbed a finger at Sehun’s chest, “Took his heart and broke it. Second of all, Luhan, despite his broken heart, continued to care for and love _you_.” Baekhyun jabbed his finger again. “Even with you treating him like crap. Third of all, even after Luhan’s caring and doting, _you_ ,” Another jab. “Proceeded to kick him out of this apartment.” Baekhyun shot daggers at him. “Do you need me to go on, _brat?”_ He jabbed Sehun again. Sehun shook his head silently but Baekhyun went on anyway. “You know, even after you kicked Luhan out, Luhan somehow still loves you,” he glared at Sehun.

“I didn’t mean to,” Sehun whispered weakly.

“ _Excuse me?”_ Baekhyun snarled. Sehun flinched. Baekhyun, despite his sweet appearance, can be downright frightening when he’s extremely pissed, like he was right now. He laughed a harsh laugh. “You didn’t _mean_ to throw the love of your life out?”

“It just came out,” muttered Sehun. “And he’s not the love of my life. I barely know him.” _That’s what you keep telling yourself,_ something whispered inside his head.

Baekhyun stared at him. _I cannot believe this kid!_ He fumed. “You’ve been with Luhan for _seven years,_ and you’re telling me _you barely know him?”_ He wanted so much to slap Sehun right now. _Maybe that’ll help him remember,_ he thought savagely. “You know, normal people when they suffer amnesia, they usually accept comfort, not push it away. But _you,_ ” Baekhyun jabbed Sehun again. To Sehun, it felt more like a stab. “Not only push it away but you also make sure that comfort is out of your life. What is wrong with you?” Baekhyun looked absolutely livid.

“The memories…It got too much for me,” Sehun tried to explain. “It was overwhelming.”

“ _Didn’t you ever think that accepting them would be better than trying to forget them?”_ Baekhyun practically shrieked.

“I…” Sehun looked nervously at Baekhyun, whose face was purple with rage.

 “You could’ve taken the medication!”

“I want to remember on my own terms…” Sehun said softly.

“ _And how’s getting shit-faced drunk going to help with that?”_ Baekhyun roared. Sehun didn’t answer him. _Must not slap him, must not slap him,_ Baekhyun chanted inside his head. He took a deep breath. And then another. “You’re a coward, Oh Sehun, a freaking coward,” Baekhyun said calmly and then turned to finish packing Luhan’s stuff. Terse silence fell upon them.

“How am I a coward?” Sehun asked softly.

“You’re scared of love,” Baekhyun answered, not looking up at him. “Luhan is there all the time for you ready to give and give and give. And all you do is just take and take and take. You never give. You always take. And when you feel overwhelmed, you kick him away, just like he’s a toy, and you’re done playing with him. The sudden memories appearing, that you’ve been pushing away, is normal. But you never accept them. You always fight the memories,” he zipped up the suitcase. “One day, when you finally wake up from this mess, you’re going to regret it because Luhan is going to end up with someone who deserves him. Someone who cares for him. And that someone is not going to be you, Oh Sehun,” Baekhyun brushed past him but stopped before the door. “Luhan loves you so much that he’s willing to hurt himself. Think about that,” and with that, Baekhyun walked out of the apartment without looking back, leaving Sehun speechless and shocked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this chapter was sort of like a filler chapter! I know... It's mostly all dialogue... sorry... Anyways, thank you guys so much!


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because of requests, the first section will be my attempt at smut writing / a hunhan love scene (I really don't know what to call it...) But here's the new chapter-hope you enjoy it! Thank you guys so much for reading!

_“Sehun…” Luhan’s breathless sighs filled the air. “I’m close.”_

_Luhan, at that moment, Sehun decided, was the most beautiful thing he had ever laid his eyes on. Luhan’s pink lips were swollen from all the kisses they had exchanged. There was a faint flush across Luhan’s cheeks. Luhan was simply breathtaking._

_“Sehun…”_

_“Luhan…”_

_As their worlds exploded together, the two lovers called out each other’s names._

_Sehun leaned in and captured Luhan’s lips, effectively swallowing his cries. He leaned his forehead against Luhan’s. “I love you Luhan,” Sehun rasped, trying to catch his breath._

_Luhan cradled Sehun’s head in his hands and pressed his lips to Sehun’s. “I love you Sehun.”_

 

 

Sehun jerked awake with a gasp. _What the…?_ He was breathing hard and covered in a fine sheen of sweat. The dream had seemed so vivid, so real. “What is happening to me?” Sehun groaned out loud. “What is wrong with me?” He just had a dream in which he and Luhan were… No, he mustn't think about that. “This guy is messing with my mind,” Sehun muttered. All of this was so wrong. “I barely know him.” Sehun tugged at his hair in frustration; his heart was still racing. With a defeated groan, he let his head fall back onto his pillow and closed his eyes, images of a certain doe-eyed boy in his mind’s eye.

* * *

**Sidenote:**

I cannot BELIEVE I just wrote that... *hides* I figured that tiny scene wasn't fit to have the "MATURE" thing slapped on it... so uh... yeah.... Sorry if I disappointed anyone but I'm just comfortable just yet writing that kind of stuff.... Anyways, continue

* * *

_Rustle, rustle._ Sehun frowned in the direction of Luhan’s studio. There had been strange, muffled noises coming from Luhan’s studio for the past fifteen minutes but Sehun was hesitant to check. He knew the reason. The studio was Luhan’s little paradise, his place to relax and Sehun didn’t want to disturb that. Sehun laughed at himself. He was being stupid. As usual. _Bang!_ A faint crash sounded from the studio. Sehun’s eyes widened. _What the…?_ He hesitated before the closed door. There was another faint crash and Sehun quickly pushed open the door. Everything looked normal, the way an artist’s studio should look. Bright sunlight shone through the wall of open windows as four large ceiling fans spun lazily overhead. Three empty, wooden easels stood at attention; paints and brushes were neatly stored along the wall. Suddenly, Sehun picked up a faint rustling from the end of the room. _What is going on?_ Sehun moved to the broad expanse of blank wall. _Crash!_ Sehun jumped in shock. _What could possibly be back there? Mice?_ Sehun shook his head, that didn’t explain the metallic clanging sound. Sehun tapped gently on the wall and his brow furrowed in confusion. The wall gave off a hollow sound. He pressed himself closer to the wall in an attempt to identify the rustling noise when suddenly, the wall gave out, causing Sehun to tumble to the ground. “Urgh!” He groaned and found himself facing a pair of big, green eyes. “Yah!” Sehun jumped up, startled.

“Meow!”

Sehun blinked and leaned down. He found a small, tabby cat staring haughtily at him. Sehun started to laugh. “So that’s what the noise was!” He laughed at the squirming kitten trying to escape the confines of a paint can. “How did you get in here?” The cat hissed at him. “Alright, alright, I’ll help you,” Sehun chuckled. Sehun stroked its head and the cat went still, watching him with distrust. Very gently, Sehun took the tiny paws of the animal and lifted it out of the paint can. “There,” Sehun said, satisfied, “You’re free.” He set it down. The cat immediately began cleaning itself. Sehun glanced around the room, which was a smaller version of the previous room. It was more cramped though, since it had seven easels. He noted the open windows. _That must be how the cat got in,_ Sehun thought, seeing the ledge that ran under the windows. There was a ladder fixed to the side of the building. _Where did the cat come from?_ Speaking of the said cat, Sehun turned back to where he had left it. “Yah!” He saw that the cat was trying to play with the sheet that covered one of the easels. “Quit that! You might harm something or pull the sheet off!”

“Meow!” The cat screeched when it pulled down the sheet, trapping it inside.

“Told you,” Sehun laughed at the wriggling lump. He sighed and lifted the sheet off the cat and turned back to cover the easel when he froze. Because on the canvas was himself. Or rather, multiple versions of himself. Six different canvases were affixed onto a large board with individual tags on them labeled “Oil” or “Sketch” or “Watercolor.” There was one big tag at the bottom which read “Sehun-ah’s Smile.”

_"Sehun-ah's Smile"_

Sehun stared down at his face. All six canvases bore the same expression. He was laughing and his tongue was poking out. Sehun eyed the remaining six easels in the room, which all had sheets covering them. One after the other, he uncovered them to reveal himself over and over again. They were labeled “His Laugh,” “That Habit of His,” or “Winter’s Air.”

__

_"His Laugh"_

 

__

_"That Habit of His"_

 

_"Winter's Air"_

 

__

_"Profile"_

 

__

_"Sehun-ah"_

 

He was trembling when he got to the last one. Very slowly, he pulled the sheet down to reveal a colored sketching of the two of them. “Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s Christmas Party,” the tag on it read. In the sketch, Luhan was laughing and was resting his hands on Sehun’s shoulder. Sehun had a stern look but there was a mischievous glint in his eyes.

_"Chanyeol and Baekhyun's Christmas Party"_

__

 

 

Sehun took a step back. For some reason, he felt an urge to cry. Swallowing thickly, he tried to dislodge the lump at the back of his throat. It didn’t work. His chest tightened and Sehun could feel a deep ache inside. “I’m a pitiful mess,” Sehun muttered aloud. He laughed at himself. _You’re also an idiot,_ something within him hissed. “I’m going crazy.” Sehun shook his head and covered up the seven easels. “Come on, Lu,” he picked up the kitten sleeping peacefully at his feet. He wasn’t sure why he had chosen to call the cat “Lu.” It had sort of slipped out. But it fit.  And it certainly had nothing to do with a doe-eyed boy named Luhan. Nothing at all.

 

 

Sehun looked down at the cat in his arms. “I suppose you need food, don’t you?” He sighed. He didn’t know why he was talking to an animal that was content with sleeping. _Yup, I’m going crazy._

* * *

“LU!” Sehun shouted. _Where was that damn cat?_ He had gone out on a trip to the supermarket for some groceries and came back to find the cat gone. The cat had been with him for almost a week now. Sehun stopped and listened intently. There were some shuffling noises coming from his bedroom. Sehun shook his head. “Stupid cat,” he mumbled as he opened the door to his room. His closet door was opened slightly. “Ah ha!” Sehun said as he walked toward his closet. Something caught his eye as he scoured the closet floor for any sign of the cat. There was a wooden box tucked in the corner of the closet. He pulled it out and his brow furrowed. It looked familiar. Something clicked within his brain. It was the same box that he had seen two weeks ago when Baekhyun came over to collect Luhan’s things. But he was pretty sure Baekhyun had taken the box. _So what was this doing here?_  Mystified, Sehun opened the little latch on the box. Inside, he found a very thick leather-bound journal. The name “Oh Sehun,” was embossed in gold at the bottom. Sehun frowned. He didn’t take himself the type to keep a journal. Or was he? He couldn’t remember his past life anyway. But he figured he wasn’t the type of guy to record his daily thoughts. He hesitantly opened the little snap that kept it shut.

_Things end, but memories last forever_

Sehun read the words printed neatly on the first page. He froze. _Was his past self psychic or something?_ He stared down at the handwriting that was both familiar and foreign to him. Just like Luhan.  “Ah!” Something orange shot out from underneath Sehun’s bed, startling Sehun out of his thoughts. “You stupid cat!” He yelled after the orange ball of fur that had dashed out the door. He rolled his eyes and turned the page of the journal.

_2006 September 14 th,_

_Today, something peculiar happened to me. I met someone. Luhan. That’s his name. He has warm, brown doe eyes and a face that looks like a twelve-year-old. Apparently he’s from China and he’s studying at the Seoul Institute of Arts. I can’t stop thinking about him. But now I can write. Ideas flow easily from my mind to paper, something that’s never happened before. I think I may have found my muse. Maybe I should start my story from the beginning._

_Chanyeol and Baekhyun were trying to get me out, saying that I needed to get some fresh air since I had been cooped up inside for so long. I’ve been trying to come up with ideas for a new story but I just couldn’t write. I had a feeling that something was missing, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. Chanyeol and Baekhyun dragged me to a small café that had recently opened. I was grumbling about how the café didn’t even have bubble tea when I saw him. Luhan._

 

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

_Luhan was wiping down tables when he heard the bell above the door tinkle brightly. He straightened up and saw his friend, Baekhyun. With him were his soon-to-be-boyfriend, Chanyeol, and a tall, dark-brown-haired boy who Luhan had never seen before. He had milky white skin and a tongue that was constantly poking out, which Luhan found to be insanely adorable. He was complaining animatedly to Chanyeol about…Bubble tea? Luhan watched them in amusement. He smiled warmly at the trio, “Hello, what would you like to order today?” He asked pleasantly._

_Sehun jerked his head up and was met with a pair of doe-shaped, brown eyes that twinkled mischievously. He opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. “Hi Luhan-hyung!” Baekhyun said happily, giving Luhan a warm hug. Luhan returned the gesture._

_“Hi Baek!”_

_“Luhannie-hyung!” Chanyeol said gleefully, abandoning Sehun’s side to wrap the shorter boy up in a bear hug._

_“Hey Chanyeol!” Luhan laughed. Sehun watched the exchange curiously. Apparently the three of them were friends. How was it that he had never seen Luhan before? Luhan broke away from Chanyeol. “And who’s this?” he asked, smiling at Sehun. Sehun could only gawk at him, mesmerized by his flawless face and honey brown hair._

_“This is Sehun, our little maknae!” Baekhyun chuckled, giving Sehun a slight push. Sehun was too frozen to glare at him. “Sehun, this is Luhan.”_

_“Nice to meet you Sehun,” Luhan bowed. Sehun stayed frozen._

_“Sehun-ah! Where are your manners?” Baekhyun scolded._

_“N-n-nice to m-meet you,” Sehun stuttered. He gave a quick bow, flustered. “I’m Thehun.” Dammit! His lisp was coming out!_

_Luhan found the lisp to be absolutely adorable. He couldn’t help but beam brightly at the boy. “Well Sehun, what would you like to order today?” He asked. For some reason, Luhan's_ _heart gave a hard thud as Sehun licked his lips nervously._

_“Uh…” Sehun swallowed nervously. Why couldn’t he talk?!_

_“Sehunnie,” Baekhyun said sweetly, “Don’t you want anything?”_

_“Um…” Sehun worked hard to come up with a coherent thought. “No…” He finally muttered. Chanyeol looked at him, frustrated._

_“We didn’t drag you out of your house for nothing, you know,” Chanyeol said._

_“Well how about you three get situated, and I’ll surprise you guys?” Luhan offered. Chanyeol and Baekhyun readily agreed and towed Sehun to a nearby booth. Luhan smiled to himself as he walked back into the kitchen._

_“What are the orders?” Kyungsoo, the self-designated chef, asked eagerly._

_“Bubble tea!” Luhan blurted out, remembering Sehun’s and Chanyeol’s exchange._

_Kyungsoo frowned at him, “We don’t carry bubble tea,” he reminded Luhan._

_“I know, which is why I’m making it!” Luhan laughed._

_Kyungsoo chewed on his lip nervously, “You know Boss won’t be happy with that.” Their boss, a tall blonde guy named Kris, scared the wits out of Kyungsoo._

_Luhan shrugged, “You’re forgetting that Kris is my cousin,” he said as he added milk to the tea. Kyungsoo watched him anxiously, sure that the fire-breathing dragon that was Kris was going to burst into the kitchen at any moment, frothing at the mouth. Okay, maybe that was too exaggerated, but Kris is one intimidating guy that Kyungsoo would rather not mess with. “Do you have the tapioca pearls that you decorate the cakes with?” Luhan asked._

_“Um, I’m not sure if that’s a good idea,” Kyungsoo squeaked, eyeing the back doorway of the kitchen warily._

_Luhan sighed. “Kyungsoo, for the last time, Kris is my younger cousin. There’s nothing to be worried about. If anything happens, I’ll take the blame, ok? Now, where are those tapioca pearls?” Kyungsoo, satisfied with the thought that he wasn’t going to be in trouble, happily passed Luhan a bowl of black tapioca pearls. Luhan dumped the pearls into the cup and added sugar. Satisfied with the results, he placed the cup of bubble tea on a tray along with two cups of coffee (one sweetened, one with milk) and three slices of Kyungsoo’s specialty strawberry and chocolate cheesecake._

_Meanwhile, outside the kitchen, Sehun was feeling nauseated with Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s awkward flirting._

_“Baekhyun, that’s a really nice shirt you’re wearing,” Chanyeol stuttered. Sehun stifled a laugh behind his palm. Chanyeol had said the exact same thing when Baekhyun had worn the same shirt last week._

_Baekhyun turned a deep shade of red. “Oh thanks Chanyeol!” He murmured. “Your hair looks really nice today.” Sehun wanted to gag. Chanyeol’s hair, in Sehun’s honest opinion, looked as if Chanyeol had been electrocuted._

_“Thanks Baekhyun!” Chanyeol laughed nervously. Awkward silence fell upon the three._

_“Hey guys!” A cheerful voice broke through Sehun’s internal debate of whether to ditch the awkward couple or not. Sehun felt his heart lurch when his eyes met Luhan’s. “Here you go, Sehun!” Luhan set a cup in front of Sehun. Sehun eyed it curiously. “It’s bubble tea,” Luhan informed him. Sehun jumped slightly when Luhan slid into the booth next to him. His heart was tapping out an erratic beat._

_“Oh, thanks,” Sehun stammered. He was beginning to sound like the couple in front of him who were trying to flirt with each other but failing. He mentally hit himself._

_Luhan smirked at the Baekyeol couple, “Is that what they’re like all the time?” He whispered to Sehun._

_Sehun swallowed hard when he felt Luhan’s warm breath ghost down his neck. The sharp scent of mint filled his nostrils. “Yeah,” he managed to choke out._

_Luhan tapped his chin thoughtfully, “We need to get them together,” he declared._

_“We…?” Sehun squeaked out._

_Luhan grinned at him and Sehun swore his heart flipped. “Well of course! You can be my partner in crime! You see, I just moved to Korea from China. And when they get together, who’s going to talk to me?” He pouted cutely, and all Sehun could think of was how much he wanted to kiss those lips. He mentally hit himself again, where did that thought come from?_

_“Oh! Ok,” Sehun agreed lamely, his heart pounding.”Your Korean is very good,” he pointed out, flustered._

_Luhan laughed, “I’ve been studying Korean for a while now. I have a thing for languages,” he told Sehun. He nudged Sehun’s shoulder and Sehun could’ve sworn that there was a spark. “What are your passions?”_

_“Me?” Sehun asked. Luhan nodded earnestly. “Oh. I write,” he said lamely. “I dance too,” he added quickly. “But mostly writing.”_

_Luhan’s eyes widened with interest. “What kind of writing?”_

_“Uh… Just random short stories, I guess,” Sehun said. “I want to be an author. I’d like to see my writings published some day.”_

_“I’m sure you will,” Luhan said softly, nodding. “Writing is an excellent thing,” he told Sehun. “I liken it to an art form. You have the freedom to write whatever you want.”_

_Sehun wanted to hug Luhan. Finally someone else who understood! He nodded vigorously, “That’s why I like it,” he said, visibly relaxing. “What do you do?”_

_“Well, I draw and I sing,” Luhan smiled. “Where I’ll go with those two…” he shrugged, “We’ll see.”_

_The two chatted freely after that. By the time Baekhyun and Chanyeol dragged Sehun out of the café, saying that they have classes tomorrow, Sehun had Luhan’s number in his possession with the promise to keep in touch. The trio said their goodbyes and left the café._

_Luhan smiled at their retreating backs. Sehun, he decided, was just what he needed in Korea. Friendship. And maybe something else._

 

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

_The minute I got home from the café, I rushed to write. I even got out this new journal. I absolutely could not forget this day. Because in my heart, I knew that meeting Luhan had changed my life forever. I don’t how or why, but something inside of me just knew. So today, on 2006 September 14 th, I met Luhan. And my life changed because of that. Because of Luhan._

Sehun finished reading the journal entry. He had no recollection of the memory, but he felt like a stranger, watching someone else’s story unfold before him. He gently put the journal back into the wooden box and closed the lid softly. He felt worn out. When Sehun had first opened his eyes at the hospital, he had felt like Luhan was the stranger. Now he wasn’t so sure.


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's that I see? Italics? Lots and lots of Italics? What could that mean? Could it mean... more journal entries? Yup! That's exactly what it is! More journal entries! WHOO!!! 

_Ever since that fateful day in September, Luhan and I have been inseparable. Between school and Luhan’s classes and work hours, we made something work. Afternoons were considered sacred for the two of us; it was the only time we could meet. He didn’t live that far from me and would always be willing to hang out with me. Whenever we didn’t see each other, we communicated by text. We would talk about the most random things. School, life, dreams. Never once did we run out of conversation. Luhan was always happy, always smiling brightly. Being around him always cheered me up, no matter how foul of a mood I was in before. Whenever I would get frustrated with a certain part of choreography, Luhan would firmly drag me to the bubble tea shop and buy me a cup of my favorite chocolate bubble tea. “Sehun-ah,” he would say, “You’re going to be fine, I believe in you.” Those words would make me instantly relax. Luhan’s belief in me made me push myself harder and soon, my dancing improved so much that I was on par with Jongin. Our dance instructor had been pleased with my improvement and assigned Jongin and me a solo in the upcoming dance recital._

_Jongin had sensed a change within me. “You seem more talkative,” he had casually commented when I was resting my aching legs after what had been a rather intense dance rehearsal. Jongin had scrutinized me carefully, probably wondering what exactly had happened to me to make me work so hard. It wasn’t like I didn’t try hard when I danced. I was simply just more interested in writing. Until I met Luhan, that is. Luhan showed me how to balance my two passions._

_I had shrugged. “You make it sound it like it’s a bad thing,” I had said._

_“I’m not,” Jongin had struggled to find the words. “You just seem different,” he had finally said. I had merely pushed that comment away but now I find myself pondering over it. “Different,” Jongin had said._

_Different. I guess that’s true. Luhan had changed me. Before Luhan, I had always worn a cold mask of indifference. Now I find myself smiling, laughing, and joking around. Luhan was like the sun, bringing happiness into what once was my dark, bleak world._

Sehun rolled his eyes at his younger, cheesy self, but he couldn’t stop the grin that was tugging at the corner of his lips. He found his younger self kind of cute, writing about someone in a journal, like some lovesick school girl. Shaking his head, Sehun turned the page. There were detailed accounts which described the activities that Sehun and Luhan had done. Sehun had read a few of those and skipped over most of those accounts. He was now just slightly under a quarter of the way through the entire journal.

_2008,_

_It’s now been three years since I met Luhan! Three years! I was in my final year of high school. Chanyeol and Baekhyun were on their second year of college. They were attending the same university as Luhan, who was on his last year of college. Sometimes, I would feel strangely lonely. Sure, I had Jongin, who was always faithfully by my side, but school felt too quiet and too calm without Chanyeol’s great booming laughs or Baekhyun’s diva moments. The days between my meetings with Luhan started getting longer and longer. Due to an exhibit by the Seoul Museum of Art showcasing student artists, Luhan had been flooded with requests by people who had seen his work and begged him to draw their dog, or house, or wife. With the money he had received from his early commissions, Luhan decided to buy a studio in the city so that he could conduct business more easily. Meanwhile, I was preparing for my auditions to the Seoul Institute of Arts. Our busy schedules meant we had to sacrifice some of our meetings, but we managed to make it work. We called each other constantly. I became used to meeting Luhan at odd times. I found myself dropping everything whenever Luhan called, asking to meet up. Honestly, I can’t explain the feelings I have for Luhan. I can’t explain how my heart would speed up whenever I saw Luhan. I can’t explain the never-ending giddiness I would feel whenever we met up. I can’t explain the need to want more whenever I held Luhan’s cool hand. But I knew I would do anything for Luhan._

Before Sehun knew it, an endearing smile was forming on his face as he read the words written neatly in the journal. He turned the page and read on.

_2008 March 2,_

_Chanyeol had dragged me out today. “Just to hang out,” he had said._

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

_“When are you going to ask him out?” Chanyeol asked excitedly.”Do you have a day picked out? Are you going to give him flowers? Are you going to kiss him?”_

_Baekhyun frowned slightly at his overeager boyfriend, “Don’t overwhelm him, Yeolie,” he said before turning back to his script that he needed to memorize for his theater class._

_Sehun stared at the both of them, perplexed. “What?” The three of them were currently sitting in an unfamiliar café because according to the Baekyeol couple, the café had “excellent pastries.” Sehun had not yet seen those “excellent pastries.”_

_“Luhan!” Chanyeol practically shrieked, slapping the table for emphasis._

_Sehun stared at Chanyeol, wondering if his best friend was really crazy. “What about him?”_

_“Aigoo! You’re hopeless!” Chanyeol groaned._

_“What?” Sehun asked again._

_Baekhyun sighed and took off his thick-rimmed glasses. “What Chanyeol means,” he looked sternly at his boyfriend, “Is that you like Luhan and Chanyeol is wondering when you’re going to ask him out,” he said calmly. He gathered up his script, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to memorize my lines.” He moved to the counter._

_Sehun gaped openmouthed after him. “What?”_

_“Argh!” Chanyeol hit himself on the forehead. “You like Luhan, don’t you?”_

_“Well of course I do! I wouldn’t be hanging out with him if I didn’t,” Sehun retorted._

_Chanyeol gave a huff of annoyance. “Not in that way, idiot! In a romantic way!”_

_Sehun’s cheeks turned a faint pink, “Oh.”_

_Chanyeol rolled his eyes. “You really are clueless,” he said, shaking his head._

_“Hey! Let me remind that it was you who started asking me rand-” Sehun started to defend himself when Chanyeol cut him off._

_“So when are you going to do it?” Chanyeol prodded._

_Sehun’s cheeks turned redder, “Who said I was going to ask him out?” He tried to cover up his embarrassment._

_“Aigoo!” Chanyeol groaned, smacking his forehead again. “You’re so hopeless. Fine, be forever alone,” he huffed. “Baek!” He called to his boyfriend, “We’re leaving this idiot right now.”_

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

_After that meeting with Baekhyun and Chanyeol, I found myself thinking over it. Even now, as I write, I’m pondering the possibilities. Luhan made me extremely happy, I knew that. Then with sudden realization, something hit me. These feelings. They weren’t admiration. Sure, I admired Luhan, but the feelings were deeper than that. They were love. Yes. I love Luhan._

* * *

_~~2008 April 16~~ Our Day,_

_For days, weeks even, I’ve been wrestling with thoughts. Thoughts like how do I know if Luhan felt the same about me? He may just see me as his younger brother for all I know. That thought pained me. But I had decided that today was the day that I’m going to tell him. I’m going to tell Luhan that I love him. I got dressed in the morning with the intent to surprise Luhan at his apartment. However, when I opened the door, I was in for the surprise of my life. Luhan was standing there. He then dragged me out for bubble tea and to the park. I was mentally panicking. I was thinking how in the world was I going to confess when Luhan asked me if I was alright. That was the moment when I decided I would tell him. I told him I had been in love with him ever the since the day we met. He had been silent and that was the answer I got. I felt heartbroken and got up quickly to hide my embarrassment when Luhan kissed me. Those lips that I had been dreaming about were finally on mine. It was heaven. When we had finally pulled apart to breathe, Luhan declared that today was “Our Day.” And so it is. April 16. Our Day. I’m smiling to myself as I write this. Luhan is finally mine. My ~~boyfriend~~ Luhan. _

Sehun ran his tongue along his lips. He could _feel_ the kiss _._ It was strange: he had no recollection of it whatsoever, but he could _feel_ everything physically. Unnerved, he read on.

_2008 June 14,_

_Nearly two months into our relationship and things couldn’t be more perfect. I couldn’t be happier. But today was a special day. We told each other we loved each other._

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

_Sehun was utterly content as he lay next to Luhan. They were on the roof of Luhan’s apartment, watching the sun set and feeling like the world was at their feet. The noisy sounds of the busy city below disappeared and it was serene, calm. “Sehun-ah, look!” Luhan pointed towards the dark blue sky. “Stars!” Sehun watched the delight in Luhan’s eyes and felt a warm feeling spread through him. Moments like these were what he treasured dearly. To be honest, he treasured every single moment with Luhan. Sehun made a mental note to record this in his journal._

_“Mmhm,” Sehun agreed, pulling Luhan closer. “Do you ever think that stars could be the ones who love and look out for us from above?” He asked suddenly._

_Luhan turned to look at Sehun, “Of course I do, Sehun-ah,” Luhan said gently; he knew that Sehun was thinking about his father. “Besides, what else could stars be? Gigantic balls of gas?” He joked, earning a smile from Sehun._

_“I want to be your star, Luhan,” Sehun said suddenly._

_Luhan smiled, “And why’s that?”_

_“Because I look out for you, Luhan,” Sehun mumbled. “And I love you.”_

_Luhan looked at Sehun, grinning like a madman. “What did you say, Sehunnie?”_

_“I love you, Luhan,” Sehun said in a rush.”Wo ai ni.”_

_Luhan’s heart swelled at the sound of those words. He had not heard Chinese in a long time and the words that Sehun had said made every inch of his body sing. He laughed giddily and Sehun thought it was most beautiful sound he had ever heard. Luhan pressed himself to Sehun. “I love you Sehun-ah,” he whispered fiercely before kissing him deeply.”Now come here,” Luhan broke apart to tug Sehun up._

_“Where are we going?” Sehun asked._

_“To the edge of the roof,” Luhan announced. “Do you know what the edge of the roof is for Sehun-ah?”_

_Sehun’s brow furrowed. “Falling?” he asked hesitantly, wishing that he didn’t come up with such morbid thoughts._

_“No,” Luhan was unaffected. “This.” He cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted. “I LOVE YOU SEHUN!” Sehun gaped at him. “Do it Sehun-ah!” Luhan laughed. “We’re announcing our love for each other!”_

_Grinning, Sehun cupped his hands around his mouth just like Luhan had. “I LOVE YOU LUHAN!” He shouted to the air._

_The two, laughing, proceeded to scream their love for the world to hear._

_“I LOVE YOU SEHUN!”_

_“I LOVE YOU LUHAN!”_

_“SHUT UP!” Someone yelled out their window._

_Sehun and Luhan glanced at each other before bursting into laughter again. Sehun pulled Luhan in and kissed him. It was one of the best moments in his life._

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

* * *

_2008 August 16,_

_Four months. That’s how long it’s been. Four blissful months. Today marks an important step in our relationship. Today we made love. It was a magical experience. Our bodies became one and every touch was electrifying. It cemented our love for each other._

Sehun stopped reading. He felt slightly nauseated. He felt like he was intruding on someone else’s love story. His body was humming like a live wire. _What is happening to me?_ His heart was pounding frantically and his head hurt. He needed to get away. He felt as if his heart had been ripped to shreds. His trembling fingers let the journal fall from his hands and he got up, shakily. A drink was in order, he decided. Alcohol erased the pain in his head and chest. He didn’t even know why his heart felt like it was breaking. But it hurt. So Sehun decided to erase that. He went to one of those trendy bars instead of his usual gloomy one. And that was where he met _him._

Dark-skinned and dark-haired.

Jongin.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up: LOOOOOOONG Chapter ahead (7,398 words in fact... I'm exhausted) as well as angst! Don't say I didn't warn ya! There's going to be some language in this chapter (I'm warning those of you who aren't comfortable with curse words)

Luhan casted a glance around his dark studio before blowing out a long, resigned sigh. None of his commissions were turning out the way he wanted them to and his clients have been more demanding than ever. He was swamped with five projects and orders were still pouring in. As he walked towards the door, he caught a glance of himself in the windows. Luhan stared at his reflection in the black window. Dark circles and heavy eye bags clung to the undersides of his eyes. He had bloodshot eyes due to restless nights, where he had tossed and turned countless times. His cheekbones had become more pronounced and his cheeks were starting to have that hollowed out look. Turning away from the window, he eyed his five projects. _I’ve done enough for today,_ Luhan told himself. He was just about to turn off the lone light on his desk when the phone rang. For a few seconds, Luhan wondered whether or not he should pick up. Finally, he gave a weary sigh before answering. “Hello?”

“Is this Luhan? The artist?” A woman’s voice came through.

“Yes ajeumoni. What can I help you with?” Luhan tried to sound upbeat.

“I would like to hire you for a project.”

Luhan’s heart sank and he almost emitted a groan. He looked at the five easels in the room, half-finished projects on each one of them. He felt a twinge of irritation run through him, which surprised him since he had never gotten irritated at a client before. Never. “I’m very sorry ajeumoni, but I cannot,” Luhan said heavily. He had also never turned down an offer. Luhan lived to please his clients with his art. But there was no motivation. There was simply nothing driving him. It was like that part of him had died.

“Please! I can pay you a lot of money,” the woman said frantically.

“It’s not about the money, ajeumoni,” Luhan tried to reason. “I don’t care for money.”

“Please. I know about your abilities. You’re one of the most talented artists in Seoul and I just need this! Please.” The woman sounded close to tears.

Luhan heaved another sigh, “Ajeumoni, I’m overbooked at this moment. I’m very sorry, but I’m just not taking on any more projects right now.”

“Please.” She pleaded. “My husband…He just passed away and I want to have a painting of him.” Silence. “He’s the love of my life,” she quietly added.

Luhan knew he shouldn’t. He knew he was exhausted and overworked. But something in the woman’s tone made him think otherwise. “Very well. I’ll do it,” he said wearily, wondering what hole he had dug himself in. He scanned the book which had all his customers’ meetings carefully written in. “Will you be able to meet with me tomorrow at 4:30 at my studio for a consultation?”

“Thank you so much,” the woman breathed, utter gratitude in her voice. “I will be there. Thank you.”

“Can I get a name, ajeumoni?” Luhan wrote down the name she had given him in the schedule. “Thank you.”

“No, thank you,” the woman said earnestly.

“My pleasure, ajeumoni. See you tomorrow,” Luhan said as the woman said a few more reverent thank you’s. He hung up and surveyed his studio gloomily. It was going to take him at least two months to finish all his projects and he absolutely had no interest anymore. Sighing, he turned the lights off and locked the door. It was time to go back to Baekhyun’s place and convince Baekhyun that he really was fine.

* * *

The three of them sat in comfortable silence in the living room. Luhan was curled up on the couch, doodling absentmindedly on his sketchpad.  Chanyeol was sprawled on the floor, reading a book. Baekhyun was sitting on the floor, leaning his back against the couch as he muttered his lines for the local play for which he was in. “Argh!” Luhan uttered a frustrated cry, breaking the peaceful quiet. Suddenly a crumpled ball sailed over their heads. The three of them watched as the ball of paper hit the wall and bounced off, coming to a stop before Chanyeol. Chanyeol reached out a hand and smoothed out the ball, revealing a sketching of Sehun. No one spoke.

Then Baekhyun tossed down his script with more force then he intended to. “We need a drink,” he declared.

Luhan retrieved the wrinkled piece of paper from Chanyeol, “Baek…” he sighed, shaking his head.

But Baekhyun was not about to be deterred, “Tomorrow night. Minseok’s Bar. You and me. We’re going for a drink.” He said firmly. “Or two.” He added.

“What about Chanyeol?” Luhan asked hesitantly.

“Don’t worry about me Luhan-hyung,” Chanyeol spoke. “You two have fun.”

“I guess one little drink couldn’t hurt,” Luhan sighed, giving in.

“Good!” Baekhyun huffed as he picked up his script and disappeared behind it once more.

* * *

“Hello ajeumoni,” Luhan greeted the woman, bowing respectfully.

“Luhan-ssi!” The woman clasped Luhan’s hands and bowed deeply. “Thank you so much!”

“Why don’t we get going?” Luhan gestured to the center of his studio, where two comfortable chairs had been set out along with a small table that had a pot of tea and cookies on it. “You can take a look at some of my work to get a feeling of my style and I can get started on the preliminary sketching.” The woman moved slowly, admiring Luhan’s work on the walls as Luhan set up an easel. She settled down in a chair and produced a well-worn picture from her purse. “This is my husband,” she passed Luhan the picture. “Was,” she added softly.

“You’re still married, is that right ajeumoni?” Luhan asked. The woman nodded. “Then he is still your husband, ajeumoni, not was.” Luhan declared, bringing a smile from the woman’s lips. He examined the photograph carefully. “He seemed like a very compassionate man,” Luhan finally said, noting the kind eyes and the smile crinkles.

The woman chuckled, “Oh he was! Always laughing! Always cracking jokes! He was kind to everyone he met,” she said. Luhan noticed how the pain disappeared from her eyes and he smiled, an idea forming inside his head.

Luhan picked up a thick graphite pencil, “Tell me more about your husband,” he said. “And yourself as well,” he added. Luhan listened intently as his hand moved across the paper.

About half an hour later, Luhan had himself a startling rendition of the woman’s picture. He was moving onto the chin when the woman stopped talking. Luhan was too engrossed in his work to notice. “Oh he’s beautiful,” the woman suddenly breathed. Luhan turned around and found himself looking at an early painting of Sehun.

His wandering hand stilled on the paper. A few moments of silence passed before Luhan murmured “Yes he is.”

The woman watched Luhan intently as he turned back to his sketching, his movements visibly shakier. She had noticed that the same boy was all over Luhan’s studio. “Is he your lover?” Luhan violently jerked the pencil, marring the man’s jaw.

Then he finally nodded. “Yes.” He muttered. “Was,” he added softly, his breath catching.

The woman saw the pain in Luhan’s eyes. The poor boy was hurting. “What happened?” she asked gently.

Sighing, Luhan set down his pencil. “Sehun and I met on September 14th of 2006,” he began, his expression wistful. “I was pretty sure it was love at first sight,” he chuckled ruefully. “But we didn’t start dating until three years after. We were on top of the world and so in love,” Luhan recalled, a rare smile breaking across his features. “That soon ended over five months ago. Chanyeol, Sehun’s friend, took Sehun out for something. There was an accident,” Luhan’s voice was hushed. “A drunk driver had rammed head-on into their car. Both of them survived, but had severe head trauma, Sehun more than Chanyeol. The doctors said that they would have amnesia, but their memories would gradually come back,” Luhan closed his eyes.

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

_Numbness. That’s what Luhan had been feeling ever since he got the call. Currently, he was staring a hole through the door of Sehun’s surgery room. Besides him, Baekhyun was sobbing, but Luhan felt nothing. The slamming of the door jolted him out of his shock. Baekhyun lunged toward the tired looking doctor and began asking rapid-fire questions. All Luhan could do was sit there. Oh god. Sehun. There was an accident. Sehun had been hurt. Oh god. Sehun. Sehun. Sehun._

_“Their conditions are stable,” Luhan heard over the panic in his brain. “They’re going to be fine.” Fine. Sehun was going to be fine. Luhan felt his body sag in relief. He was trembling._

_“Luhan!” Baekhyun cried. “Did you hear that? They’re going to be fine!” Tears poured down Baekhyun’s cheeks but Luhan held himself together. He must be strong. He had to._

_The doctor cleared his throat, and Luhan and Baekhyun turned to look at him. “Sehun and Chanyeol have sustained severe head trauma,” he said gently in a grave voice and Luhan knew what was going to come out of the doctor’s mouth was not going to be pleasant news._

_“What does that mean?” Baekhyun asked hysterically._

_The doctor hesitated. “Well one of the most common side effects of head trauma is amnesia,” he said carefully. “Sehun and Chanyeol will most likely have some amnesia.”_

_“What?!” Baekhyun shouted, his voice cracking. Luhan closed his eyes. Memories, he knew, were very important to Sehun. How would Sehun react if his memories were gone?_

_“Luckily, their amnesia isn’t the kind that’s permanent,” Luhan faintly heard the doctor say. “Their memories will come back sooner or later.”_

_The doors opened again to reveal a nurse wheeling a stretcher and Luhan heard a gasp beside him and a broken sob. “Chanyeol!” Baekhyun dashed toward the nurse. There was a second nurse following closely pushing another stretcher._

_A whimper bubbled forth from Luhan’s throat. He could recognize that blonde head from anywhere. “Sehun.” He murmured, feeling like he was in a trance. His legs carried him to the side of stretcher and he choked at the sight of Sehun’s bloodied up face. “Oh god,” he breathed._

_The nurse smiled gently at him, “I know it looks pretty bad right now, but once we get him cleaned up, he’ll look good as new!” She said kindly. Luhan swallowed hard and nodded. She patted Luhan’s shoulder, “Don’t worry, his injuries are actually not as bad as they appear to be. His vitals are working perfectly and he’ll probably wake up in the next twenty-four hours,” she reassured Luhan. Luhan nodded again and mumbled some sort of a thank you._

_Throughout the night, Luhan and Baekhyun kept careful vigil by Sehun and Chanyeol’s bedsides. The steady beeping comforted them. The two friends didn’t talk, save for the occasional sniffle from Baekhyun and the soft assurance from Luhan. Luhan sat in the uncomfortable chair next to Sehun’s bed and memorized and rememorized his features._

_It was around seven in the morning when Chanyeol stirred. “Baekhyun,” Luhan said, “You have to remain calm. Chanyeol has amnesia and will be extremely confused. If you’re hysterical, you’re only going to confuse him more.” Baekhyun nodded. “Stay strong Baek.”_

_Chanyeol’s eyes fluttered open and he stared at the two of them. “Where…am I?”_

_Luhan glanced at Baekhyun who shook his head. “Hello Chanyeol, my name is Luhan,” Luhan said pleasantly. “You’re in the hospital. You just had an accident.”_

_Chanyeol frowned in confusion. “Who’s…Chanyeol?” he asked._

_Baekhyun choked down a sob. “It’s you,” he managed to say._

_Chanyeol processed this. Then he looked straight at Baekhyun, “So who are you?” Baekhyun lost it, bursting into tears and Chanyeol looked startled. “Hey, it’s ok,” he said, unsure._

_“Baekhyun,” Baekhyun sobbed._

_“What?” Chanyeol asked._

_“Baekhyun, that’s my name,” Baekhyun said tearfully._

_“Oh ok, nice to meet you,” Chanyeol said politely. That statement made Baekhyun cry harder. Chanyeol looked at Luhan. “Did I say something wrong?” he asked anxiously._

_Luhan rubbed Baekhyun’s shoulders comfortingly, “No Chanyeol, you haven’t done anything wrong. Baekhyun is a really close friend of yours and he’s just relieved that you’ve woken up.”_

_Chanyeol’s forehead crinkled, “I’m sorry…” He began. “But I don’t remember anything.”_

_“Who the hell are you people?” A new voice, clogged with sleepiness and irritation, chimed in. Luhan’s heart pounded as he turned to face the blonde-haired boy staring at him. He wanted to breakdown and sob just like Baekhyun did, but he willed himself not to. He had to stay strong._

_“Hello Sehun,” Luhan affixed a bright smile on his face, one that didn’t mirror his emotions. “That’s your name. And my name is Luhan.”_

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

“And that’s what happened,” Luhan finished his story.

“You’re very strong, Luhan-ssi,” the woman said gently.

“I have to be,” Luhan said helplessly.

The woman shook her head, “No Luhan-ssi, you don’t. Yes, you have to be strong, but you don’t have to be strong all the time. It’s ok to cry once in a while.”

Luhan didn’t look at her as he finished up the sketching of her husband. “Here you go, ajeumoni, what do you think?” He finally said, avoiding her advice completely.

The woman gazed at the sketching, her eyes brightening. “That looks absolutely wonderful, Luhan-ssi,” she beamed. “Thank you.” She checked the time. “I have to get going.”

“What style would you like, ajeumoni?” Luhan asked.

She hesitated. “Surprise me,” she said before standing up. “Thank you so much, Luhan-ssi.”

“My pleasure,” Luhan bowed as he showed her out.

“Luhan-ssi,” she said before she opened the door. “Don’t forget, it’s ok to cry once in a while,” and with that, she was gone.

* * *

Sehun eyed the trendy nightclub. Minseok’s Bar. It was perfect. He walked in, planning to get drunk and maybe do a bit of dancing later.

Jongin literally had a heart attack when he saw the tall figure come through the doors. _So it was true then,_ he mused silently as he watched the figure walk towards the bar. Alone. Without the  shorter, doe-eyed boy who was always joined with Sehun at the hip. He had heard that Sehun was involved in an accident and had lost all his memories. Jongin watched the blonde for a minute and grinned. _Maybe this time, I’ll get my chance._

“Another round, please,” Sehun called to the bartender with a round face, gesturing with his empty glass.

“Mind if I join you for a drink?” A voice said to his right.

Sehun glanced at the dark-skinned man sitting beside him, smiling at him. “Sure,” he shrugged, downing his drink that the bartender placed in front of him.

“I’m sorry; I haven’t introduced myself yet, my name is-”

“Jongin.”

The quiet outburst from Sehun surprised both of them. They were quiet for a few moments.

“You remember me?” Jongin’s eyes widened in shock.

Sehun shook his head. “I honestly don’t know how I remembered your name, but I can’t remember anything else about you,” he confessed.

Jongin watched Sehun carefully, “Oh, ok.” He found himself at a loss for words. “Well, I’m in need of a drinking buddy. How about you?” He said finally.

Sehun cracked his first smile in months. “Well you’re in luck. It seems that I’m in need of a drinking buddy as well.”

* * *

“Baek, I want to go home,” Luhan groaned.

“Just one drink, Luhan, just one drink.” Baekhyun said firmly. “Hey Minseok!” He greeted their friend and bartender.

“Baekhyun! Luhan!” Minseok beamed, grabbing both of them and hugging them tightly. “I haven’t seen you guys in so long! How have you been?”

“Same old, Minseok, same old,” Baekhyun grinned, taking his signature spot. “Can we get a round of vodka sodas please?”

“You bet! It’s on the house!” Minseok poured them their drinks.

“Drink up, Luhan, you need to relax,” Baekhyun pushed a glass towards Luhan. Luhan took a sip and grimaced at the bitter taste.

“I don’t see how this is supposed to make me relax,” he frowned at Baekhyun.

Baekhyun rolled his eyes and was about to retort something when Minseok chimed in “Hey, do you guys still sing?”

Baekhyun and Luhan looked at each other. “Why do you ask?” Luhan said carefully.

“Well next week, we have a slow night planned,” Minseok told them, “I thought it would be great if the two of you give a little performance, just like the old times. How about it?”

Luhan groaned internally as Baekhyun shot him a mischievous wink. Baekhyun clapped Luhan on the shoulders. “We’re in, Minseok,” he said, grinning like the devil that he was.

* * *

“Hey, wanna go partying tonight?” Jongin’s excited voice sounded through the phone. Sehun smiled.

“Sure, why tonight though?” Sehun asked curiously.

“There’s gonna be a performance at Minseok’s. I heard it’s really good so I thought we could go check it out,” Jongin explained.

“Cool,” Sehun agreed. “Meet at Minseok’s at eight?”

“Sure,” Jongin disconnected.

* * *

Luhan peeked out from behind the curtains of the makeshift stage. “I hate you so much right now, Baekhyun,” he grumbled.

“Oh save it, we've done this plenty of times for Minseok. We help him get more business; think of it as a favor to our friend. Plus, you and I both know how much you love to sing!” Baekhyun scoffed, checking his eyeliner for the umpteenth time. “Remember? Luhan the one who couldn’t stay away from the mic!” He laughed.

“But I just don’t feel like singing tonight,” Luhan protested as Baekhyun started attacking his face. Baekhyun had deemed himself the eyeliner expert. “Really, Baek, I’m not in the mood. Besides, I don’t have a setlist. I don’t know what to sing.”

“Sing the songs that you wrote then,” Baekhyun said reasonably.

“Why are you doing this?” Luhan asked, exasperated.

Baekhyun sighed heavily. “It takes your mind off, Luhan, and you love to sing. Just please, for this one night, enjoy yourself, Luhan. Do what you love to do.”

Luhan heaved a defeated sigh, “Fine.”

* * *

Jongin and Sehun had arrived at the club twenty minutes after the performance had begun. The performers were taking a small break.

“Those two guys really should sing more,” Sehun heard a girl sigh to her friend when he and Jongin walked past them.

“They sang like angels,” another girl agreed.

“Seems like the performance is good,” Jongin remarked.

“Alright, alright! The performers are about to come back on!” The bartender with the chubby cheeks said. Everyone cheered and settled into their seats. Jongin and Sehun managed to find a seat in the back and waited patiently for the show to begin again.

A figure walked onto the stage and Sehun frowned. _Is that Baekhyun?_ He squinted. With a shock, he realized that it was indeed Baekhyun.

“Hey everybody,” Baekhyun greeted everyone cheerfully. “I’m so happy to see so many of you have showed up. I hope you enjoy our performance! Now, my friend is going to perform, so if you can just welcome him with a round of applause, that would be great!” Applause sounded. Another figure walked onto the stage and everyone was hushed. The figure was wearing a plain white shirt with a black tie. When he reached the center of the stage, and his face got in the range of the spotlight, Sehun’s breath caught in his throat. Smoky eyeliner lined his eyes, making him look mysterious. Sexy, even. He was beautiful. Luhan. Jongin stiffened in his seat when he realized who it was. Sehun stared, enthralled, when Luhan spoke.

“Hello everyone,” Luhan’s voice was soft. “This next song that I’m going to perform is a song that I wrote for a very special someone. Someone who I love very much. It was originally written in Chinese so I translated it into Korean in order to share this song with you guys tonight. I hope you enjoy it.” He sat down at the piano and began to sing.

Sehun froze when he heard the familiar song. It was _his_ song. The song that Luhan had sang for him that night when he had a nightmare. It was as beautiful in Korean as it was in Chinese. But now Sehun could understand the song.

_This beautiful moment feels like I was born as a child who knew nothing,_   
__I closed my eyes again in case it would be a dream_ _   
_Not wanting to let go, I stand before you honestly, wishing for your attention_

_Just once, I want to walk side by side with you_

_As I ride the wind, I descend upon your world_   
_You asked me brightly where I came from to your side and I told you that it was a secret_   
_As long as you’re with me_   
_Heaven is anytime, anywhere_

_To me you’re more illuminating than an angel_  
If anyone wills any ill towards you, I won’t let it happen  
Nervous as if I’m stepping into Eden for the first time  
I want to look at you everyday, think of you everyday

_The endless sand and dust, I won’t let any of it hurt you or near you  
Guarding you forever, I’m eternally in love_

_Blocking the gusts for you,  I am your guardian_  
 _You’ll always have me_   _even if the whole world turns cold  
Anytime you are hurt or sad, I will wipe away those tears_  
 _As long as you’re with me, no matter where_  
 _Heaven is anytime, anywhere_

_When I fell in love, there’s no turning back  
My wings were lost, my eternal life stripped away,_   
_Even though I lost my everlasting life,_

_You’re the reason to my happiness_   
_You’re my eternity,_

_I’m eternally in love_

_As long as you’re with me_   
_Heaven can be anytime, anywhere_

Sehun hadn’t even noticed he was crying until Jongin leaned over and asked gruffly, “Why are you crying?”

He hurriedly brushed the tears from his eyes. “It was beautiful. He has a nice voice,” he managed to say. “I’m going home, I don’t feel well,” he lied, leaving abruptly without a second glance.

Jongin watched his retreating back. He feels gutted. _So Luhan still affects him,_ Jongin thought, _even though he has no recollection of him._ Jongin had never felt such jealously and anger before.

Sehun rushed home, Luhan’s melodious voice haunting his mind. Overwhelming him. But this time, he didn’t try to erase Luhan’s voice. He wanted to keep the sound of it. He lay in bed, Luhan’s song repeating itself in his head. It was a beautiful song and Sehun wished he could listen to it forever. For the first time since he kicked Luhan out, he wondered how Luhan was doing without him. His last thought before he drifted off to sleep was if Luhan was alright.

* * *

Sehun shifted uncomfortably. Jongin’s grip on his hand was too tight and Sehun desperately wanted to free his hand. In his lightly-drunken condition, he wondered why the two of them were holding hands in the first place. Sehun furrowed his brow, trying to remember as Jongin chattered happily with other people, unaware of Sehun’s discomfort.  Jongin’s hand felt unfamiliar; it was too warm and big and calloused. Sehun wanted cool, slender hands that fit in his perfectly. He frowned, _now where did that thought come from?_ He shook his head, trying to clear his buzzed mind. Sehun didn’t know how it happened, but one minute he was trying to free his hand without Jongin noticing and then the next, Jongin was _kissing_ him. Sehun recoiled and his eyes flew open. The slightly-inebriated state in which he was in disappeared instantly as Jongin kissed him. Sehun felt nauseated as he shoved Jongin harshly away from him. “ _What the fuck?!_ ” Sehun spat furiously. He wiped at his mouth as he tried to get the unpleasant taste of _Jongin_ from his mouth. He glared murderously at him. “What the _hell_ do you think you’re doing?” He yelled, all effects of the alcohol gone.

Jongin reached for him, “Sehun,” he said in a pleading tone. “Please. Don’t-”

“Don’t touch me again,” Sehun said through his teeth, yanking his arm out of Jongin’s hands. He shot one last cold glare at Jongin before he stormed out of the club.

Jongin watched him go, more confused than ever. He had liked Sehun ever since elementary school and he was sure his feelings had progressed to love. But the kiss. The kiss had no spark. No fireworks. No explosions. It didn’t make his heart race or his blood feeling like fire. There was no heady rush. There was just… _nothing._

_Maybe it was because Sehun didn’t kiss me back,_ Jongin thought sadly as he returned to the dance floor, letting the alcohol control his movements.

* * *

Luhan was not having any fun. He wanted to curl up in his bed and draw what Baekhyun called “Sad little pictures of the brat.” Speaking of the said brunette, Luhan glanced irritably at his lively best friend, who looked like he was having the time of his life on the dance floor. _Might as well get a drink,_ he sighed, maneuvering off the edge of the dance floor, _we’re going to be here for a while. Baek loves to dance._ Silently cursing Baekhyun, Luhan pushed through the writhing bodies and made his way to the bar. “Hey Minseok,” he greeted his hamster-cheeked friend.

“Hey Luhan, no more singing from you tonight?” He asked, wiping down glasses.

“No,” Luhan gestured at the pulsing lights and the dancing crowd. “I thought tonight’s a dj night?”

“It is,” admitted Minseok, “But people loved your performances, remember? Especially last week’s, when you sang that song that you wrote. Beautiful, by the way.”

“We’ll see,” Luhan shrugged noncommittally.

“So what are you doing talking to me instead of dancing with the diva?” Minseok asked, referring to the name they had given Baekhyun during their college days.

Luhan rolled his eyes, “The _diva_ dragged me out here and ditched me on the dance floor. I just want a drink.”

“Sure, what do you want?”

“Rum and coke works,” Luhan decided. Minseok handed him his drink and he sipped it thoughtfully, watching the crowd. For a quick second, the strobe lights danced on a blond-haired boy, catching Luhan’s eye. His heart thudded an erratic beat as he stared at him.

Sehun.

Sehun had on his customary scowl as well as a furrowed brow which Luhan could tell that Sehun was extremely annoyed. He fought down the urge to call out Sehun’s name when he noticed something: Sehun’s hand was held in tanned fingers. Luhan’s eyes followed the fingers up a leather-clad arm until he finally found their owner. He recognized the dark-haired, hooded-eyed boy next to Sehun. Jongin. Sehun’s childhood friend. Luhan knew that Jongin harbored feelings for Sehun for a very long time and judging from the expression on Jongin’s face, those feelings were still there. An unpleasant feeling sat in his gut as he stared at their hands. Then Luhan watched with some kind of horrified fascination as Jongin leaned in and kissed Sehun. And seeing that brought him pain. Unimaginable pain. He didn’t even see Sehun push Jongin away. As he tore his eyes away from them, he remembered something. Something Sehun had told him. 

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

_“Jongin told me something strange today,” Sehun announced, wrinkling his nose._

_Luhan stilled, the music that he had been scribbling for his applied music class abandoned as he looked up. “What was it?”_

_“Well he told me he likes me,” Sehun said, not meeting Luhan’s eyes._

_Luhan stared at him, not surprised at all. “And what did you say after that?” His voice was barely above a whisper._

_Sehun was silent for a few moments. Luhan could hear his heart pounding, his mouth was dry. “Before or after I punched him?” Sehun asked, a faint smile ghosting his lips._

_“What?” Now this was a surprise to Luhan. “You did what?”_

_“Well after he just blurted that out, I kind of punched him in shock,” Sehun admitted, “I asked him what the hell he was thinking.”_

_“Don’t do that, Sehun, you’re being harsh,” Luhan sighed, thinking of the tearful confession that Jongin had given him one late night when he was waiting for Sehun to finish his dance practice._

_“Well what was I supposed to say?” Sehun asked, “I was in shock.”_

_Luhan sighed heavily, “And what happened after that?”_

_“After I calmed down a bit, I apologized for punching him… And for the fact that I can’t reciprocate his feelings,” Sehun said quietly. A pause. He walked over and rested his chin on Luhan’s shoulder. “Because I already have someone I love,” he smiled._

_Luhan felt his lips automatically twitch into a smile. “Oh.” It was all he could say._

_“So yeah, Jongin told me he understands and we’ll just stay friends.” Sehun shrugged and released Luhan. “Crazy day, right?”_

_A not-so-pleasant thought popped up in Luhan’s mind. “Are you sure?” He asked, in a voice so soft that Sehun almost didn’t hear._

_Sehun gazed at him. “What?”_

_“Are you sure you don’t reciprocate his feelings?” Luhan hated himself for doubting, but he couldn’t stop voicing his fears. The thought of losing Sehun was unbearable. He stood up and walked to the window, not letting his face betray him._

_“Luhan, what are you saying?” Sehun was quick to walk over and he grabbed Luhan by his shoulders._

_“I’m sorry,” Luhan whispered, “It’s just the thought of losing you-” Luhan tried to stop the sob coming out from his throat. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled._

_Sehun wrapped his arms around Luhan and tilted his chin up.”Luhan, you never have to worry about that,” he said gently. “It’s only you. It’s only been you,” he said, his voice so sure that Luhan cracked the tiniest of smiles.”I have no feelings for Jongin. Or anyone else. Because I love you, Luhan, and only you,” he said with finality. “Not Jongin. You, Luhan, you. I love you.”_

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

_Oh Sehun, you’re a fucking liar,_ thought Luhan sadly as he downed his drink.

“Is there anything wrong?” Minseok asked him worriedly.

Luhan had been trying to stay strong for too long. Even with his countless attempts to stay strong, his defenses had all come crashing down. Despite the fortifications Luhan had built, there were already cracks in the foundation. In that moment, Luhan broke. And it hurt. It fucking hurt.

“No, but you can get me a big bottle of vodka.”

* * *

Baekhyun found him later in the night. “Hey,” Baekhyun said, approaching a drunken looking Luhan cautiously.

Luhan raised his shot glass sloppily, “Cheers!” He hiccupped. Baekhyun eyed the bottle of vodka sitting on the counter. It was three-quarters empty.

“Hey Luhan, maybe we should…” Baekhyun trailed off when Luhan poured him a shot of vodka and pounded the counter, catching the attention of the clubbers.

“I’d to make a toast!”  Luhan slurred, staggering to his feet. Everyone looked at him, wondering why the pretty-faced boy was so drunk and looking so pained.

“Luhan…” Baekhyun started.

“KIM JONGIN!” Luhan bellowed.

Jongin was just about to leave the club when he noticed everyone quieting down. Then a voice called out his name. He turned around and found Luhan looking right at him, a shot glass in hand. His heart sank.

“Kim Jongin,” Luhan stared at the dark-haired boy and raised his glass, “Congratulations for finally getting your man!” There was no hatred in his eyes. No bitterness. Just raw, anguished pain.

That hit Jongin hard.

Because Luhan was the nicest person he had ever known and seeing the immeasurable hurt in his doe eyes made Jongin hate himself.

“ _Anyone who hurts Luhan commits a crime_ ,” He remembered Sehun saying. “ _It’s like kicking a puppy or something of that nature._ ”

Jongin had teased him and had told him he was just Luhan-obsessed.

“ _No! I’m not saying that because I like him!_ ” Sehun had protested. “ _Look at him! He’s innocent-looking. He’s always nice to everyone and cheerful all the time. Why would anyone want to hurt him?_ ”

_Sehun was absolutely right,_ Jongin realized as he watched Luhan down shot after shot. There was a certain kind of fragility within Luhan’s eyes and Jongin had broken that. “Oh god, what have I done?” Jongin whispered, turning away. He didn’t want to see the crushing hurt within Luhan’s innocent eyes. Something that innocent shouldn’t have that much pain within them. _The reason why I didn’t feel anything when I kissed Sehun wasn’t because Sehun didn’t kiss me back. It was because Sehun and I aren’t meant to be._ Jongin realized the defeating fact as he left the noisy club.

_It was because Sehun belongs with Luhan._

* * *

“I think that’s enough,” Baekhyun said firmly as he snatched away Luhan’s shot glass. Luhan simply grabbed the bottle of vodka and chugged its contents. “Luhan…” Baekhyun sighed as Luhan made the universal gesture for _another round_ at the new bartender. Minseok had gone to calm down the crowd a bit. “Luhan, I don’t think you should…” Baekhyun started to say when Luhan shot him a red-eyed glare.

Luhan downed the newly opened bottle that the bartender had set for him, not even bothering with a glass. “I’m _sorry_ , Baekhyun,” Luhan said bitingly. “You can just go run along with that lovely boyfriend of yours and be in _love,”_ he spat on the word “love.” “While I drown myself in alcohol because it’s the only way I can forget the sight of _my_ love _kissing_ his childhood friend,” Luhan’s voice rose hysterically, “Do you know how that feels Byun Baekhyun?”  Luhan roared, slamming his fist on the counter. “DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT FUCKING FEELS?” He shrieked, throwing the empty bottle against the wall where it shattered. “YOU SEE THAT BYUN BAEKHYUN? YOU SEE THAT BOTTLE? THAT’S MY FUCKING HEART!”

“Luhan…” Baekhyun didn’t know what to say, but Luhan promptly became a sobbing mess. Baekhyun gathered his best friend in his arms, trying to comfort him. But Baekhyun knew that it wouldn’t work. Luhan was strong, Baekhyun knew, but a person can only take so much. And Luhan had reached his breaking point.

“It hurts so much, Baek,” Luhan sobbed. “It fucking hurts.”

“I know, Luhan, I know.”

“Why does it have to hurt so much?” Luhan wailed.

“I’m sorry, Luhan, I’m so sorry.” Baekhyun said sadly. All those months of repressed tears that Luhan had held back poured out as Luhan heaved sob after sob. Baekhyun said the one cliché thing but he was sure that it was the truth. It might take months, maybe even years, but Baekhyun knew that Luhan would heal.

“It’s going to be ok.”


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a little short!

“You have to eat something, Luhan!” Baekhyun said anxiously.

“I’m fine.” The figure curled up on the couch mumbled. “I ate.”

Baekhyun sighed heavily. “You know that crackers and sips of water don’t count, right?”

“I’m fine.”

“For heaven’s sake Luhan!” Baekhyun threw his hands up in frustration. “If you say you’re fine one more time, I swear!” He let the end of his threat dangle in the air.

“But I am!” The older male protested feebly.

Baekhyun aimed a glare at the lump in the middle of the couch, “Luhan, you and I both know that’s not true. You haven’t moved from the couch ever since-” Baekhyun quickly caught himself in time and fell silent. “You haven’t eaten anything in the past two days,” he said softly. Silence fell upon them. The shrill ringing of a phone punctuated the air. Luhan sighed wearily and rolled over to pick up his phone.

“Hello,” he answered, voice hoarse from crying. He cleared his throat. “Yes, this is Luhan.” Luhan released an inaudible sigh. “No ajeumoni, I didn’t forget, how could I forget?” Luhan forced out something that resembled a laugh. “Yes, ajeumoni, the painting will be available for you to pick up tomorrow, exactly as we discussed. Alright thank you, ajeumoni, see you tomorrow,” Luhan hung up. He allowed his head to sink into his hands, “I have to go to the studio,” his voice muffled.

Baekhyun eyed him with concern, “Now?”

“I have to, I need to finish it. She’s picking it up tomorrow,” Luhan muttered. He lifted his head up and rose slowly from the couch.

Baekhyun muttered something that sounded like “Rich idiots with too much money to spend.” He watched Luhan carefully as he dragged himself to the door. “Luhan,” he began. Luhan stopped and turned around. “Promise me you won’t do anything stupid, ok?” Luhan nodded and headed out the door.

* * *

Sehun wandered restlessly from room to room; he couldn’t seem to sit down. Suddenly his phone rang. He sighed when he saw it was Jongin, who had explaining to do. “What do you want, Jongin?” Sehun asked wearily.

“I…” Jongin hesitated, “I just wanted to apologize…for that other night,” He started to say. “I was drunk and it was a huge mistake on my part. I’m sorry.”

Sehun was quiet. “It’s alright,” he said finally. Jongin breathed a sigh of relief. “But you don’t have any feelings for me, right?” Sehun asked the question that had been bothering him. “Because that would be rather awkward. I liked it when we were hanging out, and I would prefer if we stayed that way.”

Silence.

“No, of course not,” Jongin croaked, despite the pain he felt from Sehun’s rejection. “We’re friends.”

“Great,” Sehun said, relieved, “Friends.”

Jongin had gotten friend-zoned.  _Again._

* * *

Luhan was just about to close his studio when he noticed a figure standing in the waiting area. He sighed heavily. “I’ll be with you in just a moment!” He called, before finishing cleaning off his brushes. He patted his hands dry and walked over. “What can I help you with, sir?” He asked kindly, but honestly he was in no mood to be nice. Then he stopped and stared at the person who had the guts to come by his studio.

Kim Jongin.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Luhan asked, his voice trembling with fury and pain.

Jongin stepped forward, “Luhan-hyung,” he began in a pleading tone. He held his hands up in a placating gesture.

“Get out,” Luhan spat at him.

“I wanted to apologize,” Jongin said quietly.

“And I don’t want to hear it,” Luhan said stiffly, “Get out of my studio.”

“It’s about Sehun,” Jongin said hesitantly.

“Get. Out,” Luhan said through gritted teeth. He really didn’t need to hear the confirmation that Sehun and Jongin were together.

“Look Luhan-hyung,” Jongin tried again.

“What do you want, Kim Jongin?” Luhan shouted. “My blessing? My permission for you to date Sehun?” The last part was full of pain.

“Luhan-hyung, it’s not-” Jongin tried to say before Luhan cut him off.

Luhan squeezed his eyes shut, “Will you please just leave?” The words came out as a broken whisper.

“I’m sorry,” Jongin said sincerely. “That’s all I came here to say.”

“Get out,” Luhan muttered.

“I’m sorry, Luhan-hyung,” Jongin turned to leave. “It’s not what you think,” he softly added, before pulling open the door and stepping out onto the street.

Luhan sank down into a chair and buried his face into his hands. For the countless time since that night, he felt himself breaking apart.

* * *

“Hey Sehun, want to go out for some bubble tea?” Jongin asked hesitantly on the phone.

Sehun sighed wearily and rubbed his eyes. He tossed his journal carelessly onto his bed. Reading the stupid thing did nothing to trigger his memories. Everything was still as hazy as ever. Bits and pieces of the most random things popped into his mind occasionally, but they were not enough to bring his memories back. He needed a break. “Sure,” he agreed. He headed out without looking back at the journal, which had fallen onto a certain page. A page that Sehun hasn’t gotten to yet.

_2013 May 2,_

_I wanted to jot this down before I let Chanyeol drag me out today. But it is for a good cause. Chanyeol was finally going to propose to Baekhyun on his birthday. Chanyeol wanted me along to help him choose a ring. It’s weird to see Chanyeol like this. All week, he’s been getting increasingly nervous. And he hasn’t even proposed yet! Never once did I think I would see Park Chanyeol nervous. But I guess love makes us do strange things. Thinking about Chanyeol’s upcoming proposal, I wonder about the future. About our future. Luhan and I. Will we last long enough that we get married? I want this so much. I want be able to kneel down in front of Luhan and ask him to marry me. I want his promise that we’ll be together. Forever. I’m getting ahead of myself. But thinking about this makes me smile. Forever with Luhan. That is the greatest gift time can give me._

_I can hear Chanyeol calling me. I’ll be back to write down how Chanyeol’s ring-picking went._

Sehun never knew that it would be his last entry in the journal for a very long time.

* * *

“Come on Luhan,” Baekhyun urged.

“I don’t want to,” A muffled reply was heard from beneath the covers.

“Luhan,” Baekhyun tried again.

“I don’t want to.”

“I want to get some bubble tea, Luhan,” Baekhyun whined.

“Ask Chanyeol.”

“He’s busy with his company. Come on.”

“I’m sleeping, Baekhyun,” Luhan complained.

“You’re not sleeping, you’re moping. What kind of friend would I be if I let you mope around?” Baekhyun huffed, “Come on.”

“No.”

“Luhan-hyung!” Baekhyun pleaded.

“Baek, don’t call me that. That’s weird. We’re friends,” Luhan reprimanded.

“I’ll keep calling you that until you get up,” Baekhyun threatened. “Or there’s always tickling,” he added slyly. “Whatever works.”

Luhan emerged from beneath his covers to give Baekhyun the stink eye, “You’re an awful person, Baekhyun,” he groaned.

Baekhyun grinned cheerfully at him, “I know!” He sang happily, “Now go get dressed, come on!”

“Go away.” Luhan proceeded to retreat within his covers again.

“Come on! Let’s go out. Go have some fun!” Baekhyun begged.

“Leave me alone.”

“We’re gonna have some fun. Come on. Luhan,” Baekhyun tried.

“How can you go on like that telling me to have fun with all that shit that has happened to me?!” Luhan screamed in frustration. “How can you pretend like nothing’s happened?”

Silence.

Baekhyun sighed wearily, “It’s called moving on, Luhan,” he said softly. “That’s what I’ve been trying to get you to do.”

“What if I don’t want to move on?” Luhan’s exhausted, tearful voice sounded beneath the covers.

“Ok,” Baekhyun said slowly, sitting down on the bed next to the lump that was Luhan. “Do you want to talk about it then?” To be honest, Baekhyun had no clue what had happened. All he got out of Luhan was that Sehun had kissed someone. Luhan hadn’t mentioned the name of the person that Sehun had apparently kissed, but Baekhyun had guessed that it was someone Luhan knew.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Luhan mumbled brokenheartedly.

“Fine, then can I distract you so that you’re not a moping mess in bed?” Baekhyun tried to tease. “Come on, Luhan, just one afternoon with me,” he coaxed. “I’m not that bad of company.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Don’t make me drag you out Luhan!” Baekhyun groaned. The older made no response underneath the covers. “Fine,” Baekhyun grumbled. He stood up and gave Luhan’s covers a hard tug.

“HEY-!” Luhan barely gave a startled yelp before his butt hit the ground. He blinked rapidly as light suddenly flooded his eyes, disoriented. “What the…”

“Come on, get up!” Baekhyun sang, prodding Luhan with his foot. “Go take a shower. We’re going out for some bubble tea!” Luhan gave no indication of moving from his spot on the ground. “Luhan.” When Luhan made no movement, Baekhyun leaned down and yanked the elder to his feet.

“Baek, look, I really don’t want-” Luhan tried to say before Baekhyun proceeded to drag him to the bathroom. “Baek-” He tried again and was unceremoniously shoved into the bathroom.

“I’m giving you forty-five minutes to make yourself decent-looking! I expect you out here, showered and dressed in forty-five,” Baekhyun ordered before slamming the bathroom door shut in Luhan’s face.

“Really Baek?” Luhan grumbled, “Do I have to?”

“YES.”

* * *

When Luhan was decently dressed, they set out to the tea shop.

Baekhyun chattered excitedly about his upcoming plays and Luhan plodded miserably behind him. Suddenly Baekhyun stopped and Luhan walked into him. “What was that for?” Luhan winced, rubbing his knee.

Baekhyun paled, “Hey Luhan, why don’t we go somewhere else?” He suggested nervously, giving a gigantic bright smile.

Luhan looked at him as if he was crazy, “The tea shop’s right there,” he pointed at the familiar tea shop, the very one that Baekhyun had seen Sehun and Jongin walked into. “You said you wanted bubble tea.”

“Yeah…” Baekhyun coughed, “I want a different place now.”

Luhan rolled his eyes, “I’m not going to go all over the place just so you can get a change of scenery, Baek, come on.” He started to walk towards the tea shop when he stopped. Baekhyun’s heart sank. The blood rushed out of Luhan’s face.

Because he had seen Sehun and Jongin walk out of the tea shop, laughing and not noticing Luhan and Baekhyun standing on the other side of the street, motionless. They walked away, in the opposite direction.

“Luhan.” Baekhyun said softly. He tugged gently at the motionless Luhan. “Let’s go,” he urged.  Luhan didn’t budge. “Luhan, let’s go,” he said, more firmly.

“It was our thing…” Luhan whispered.

“Luhan. Come on,” Baekhyun tugged harder.

“Our tea shop. Our thing,” Luhan breathed, shaking.” _Ours._ ” His hands were balled into tight fists.

“Luhan, come on. Let’s just go,” Baekhyun begged.

“He was laughing,” Luhan whispered brokenly. “He’s happy.”

“Luhan, please,” Baekhyun was getting desperate.

Luhan let out a strangled laugh, “Jongin makes him happy,” he choked out.

“No, I’m sure that’s not it, Luhan,” Baekhyun said anxiously.

Luhan shook his head, tears coming down in torrents, “He’s happier without me,” he whispered. Slowly, he turned around to go back to Baekhyun’s apartment. Baekhyun followed behind him helplessly.

Once they got back to the apartment, Luhan went straight to the guest bedroom.

Baekhyun sighed and eyed the closed door worriedly.  _I really ought to knock some sense into Sehun!_ He thought angrily.  _What was he_   _thinking?!_  He paced restlessly.  _What the fuck is going on? Why was Sehun hanging out with Jongin?_

Inside the guest bedroom, Luhan sucked in a deep breath to steady himself. Then he took out his phone and let his fingers type out the familiar numbers.

“Luhan?” His brother’s worried voice came through, “What’s up?”

Luhan took in another deep breath, “Yixing,” he said softly. “I’m coming home.”

Shocked silence followed.

“Is everything alright?” Yixing asked anxiously.

 _No, nothing’s ok, I’m broken and Sehun doesn’t love me anymore and it just hurts so much._  Luhan wanted to say. Instead he managed to mutter, “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” Yixing asked, “You always wanted to stay in Korea. You never mentioned coming back to China before.”

 _That was because of Sehun!_  Luhan bit his lip to keep the words down, “I just missed you,” he murmured, “And our parents.”

“Okay,” Yixing got over his surprise quickly. “I’m sure Mom will be delighted with the news. When are you coming back?”

 _As soon as possible. I can’t bear it here anymore._  Luhan hesitated. “Tomorrow.”

“Alright then,” Yixing was surprised that his brother made his decision so quickly. “I’ll come to the airport to pick you up. Have you gotten your flight yet?”

“Not yet,” Luhan murmured, “I’ll book my ticket tonight. I’ll give you the information when I do.”

“Ok,” Yixing agreed. He didn’t comment on the suddenness. “It will be good to have you back, brother,” Luhan could hear the smile in his voice. “We’ve missed you.”

* * *

Baekhyun stopped his pacing when he heard the door open. “Hey,” he studied Luhan’s haggard face. “You ok?” Baekhyun hated himself for asking that question, because Luhan obviously  _wasn’t_  fine.

Luhan stilled, “I will be,” he said softly.

Baekhyun nodded approvingly. Then he noticed how Luhan went straight to the computer. He walked over to him and looked over his shoulder. Luhan was looking up flights from Seoul to Beijing.

“Um what…What are you doing?” Baekhyun asked hesitantly.

Luhan didn’t look at him, “I’m going home, Baek,” he murmured.

“What?” The words sounded foreign to Baekhyun. “Home?”

“Yes,” Luhan had a distant look in his eyes, “I’m going back to Beijing, Baek. I’m going home.”

“You’re…going… to Beijing,” Baekhyun said slowly. Luhan nodded. “You’re…going back…” Luhan nodded again. “You’re leaving Korea!” Baekhyun realized, “You’re leaving me! You’re leaving Chanyeol! You’re leaving Se-” Baekhyun stopped himself. “You’re leaving?”

“Yes Baek, I’m leaving,” Luhan said gently.

“But…What about me? What about your studio? Your work?” Baekhyun didn’t quite understand.

Luhan smiled sadly at his best friend, “You’ll be fine, Baek. You have Chanyeol. As for my studio,” Luhan shrugged, “I can always conduct business in China.”

“How…how long will you be gone?” Baekhyun asked, his voice wobbling like it always did when he was about to cry.

Luhan hesitated. “I don’t know, Baek, I really don’t,” he said finally. “I just want to get away from all this for a while.”

“But you are coming back, right?” Baekhyun was close to panicking. He just got Chanyeol back for heaven’s sake! He didn’t want to lose Luhan. “You have to come back,” he pleaded.

 _We’ll see._  Luhan wanted to say, but he didn’t. “Of course Baek,” Luhan reassured him, “Of course I’ll come back.”

That night, Baekhyun helped Luhan pack, occasionally breaking into tiny sniffles and mumblings of “I can’t believe you’re leaving me.” By eight o’clock, Luhan had everything ready.

* * *

“You have your passport? Extra money?” Baekhyun asked anxiously.

“Baek, calm down,” Chanyeol laughed at the small brunette, “You’re nagging.”

“I can’t help it!” Baekhyun wailed, “My best friend is leaving me!”

“Baek,” Luhan said sternly, “It’s not like I’ll be gone forever.”

“Boarding for flight 316 from Seoul to Beijing will start now,” the announcement sounded.

“I need to go,” Luhan said softly. He hugged Baekhyun tightly. “Thanks for taking care of me, Baek. Now take care of yourself and Chanyeol, ok?”

Baekhyun sniffled, “Will do.” As the two friends pulled apart, he muttered under his breath, “I still can’t believe you’re leaving me.”

“Chanyeol,” Luhan turned to the giant beside Baekhyun, “Take care of Baek, alright?”

Chanyeol nodded and wrapped Luhan in his signature bear hug, “You’re coming back, right Luhan-hyung?” he asked anxiously.

Luhan swallowed down the lump in his throat and smiled cheerfully, “Of course, Chanyeol, it’s just a little trip,” he lied.

“Flight 316 from Seoul to Beijing has started boarding. Passengers on this flight, please report to the loading area,” the lady announced into the airport intercom.

“That’s my cue,” Luhan sighed. He turned back to Baekhyun, “Chin up, Baek. It’s not the end of the world. We have texting and video calls, we’ll keep in touch,” he promised.

Baekhyun nodded, “You’d better,” he warned. Luhan hugged his best friend again.

“I’d better go,” Luhan released Baekhyun and picked his backpack. As he walked toward the security check, he turned back and waved. Then he turned around, sucked in a deep breath, and walked away.

* * *

After the two-hour flight, Luhan was back on home soil for the first time in two years. He rolled his suitcase towards the entrance, his eyes searching for his brother.

“Luhan!” Yixing called, gesturing wildly and grinning.

Luhan’s lips twitched up in a small smile, “Hey Yixing,” he greeted.

“Hey yourself,” Yixing slung an arm around Luhan’s shoulders. “Welcome home, brother. You’re home.”

But he wasn’t. Home was the apartment he shared with Sehun. Home was in the warmth of Sehun’s arms, wrapped tightly around him. Home was simply… _Sehun._

But nevertheless, Luhan nodded, “Yeah...” He agreed.

“I’m home.”


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'm gonna warn you guys: it's going to be full-on angst from here on but I'll try to sprinkle little bits of fluff from Sehun's journals and memories (I'll try...but that doesn't mean it may happen).  
> ALSO: TW - implied mentions of suicide
> 
> IF YOU HAVE ANY DOUBTS OR WORRIES, PLEASE DON'T HESITATE TO CALL THE SUICIDE HOTLINE. REMEMBER: YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

“So you want to tell me the real reason for coming back?” Yixing said casually as a waiter placed steaming bowls of noodles in front of the two brothers. It was Luhan’s third day back in China, and Yixing decided to bring his brother to the noodle house that the two of them had frequented during their childhood.

Luhan stiffened instantly, his knuckles turning white as he gripped his chopsticks tightly. A moment passed. “There’s no reason,” he finally mumbled as he gazed at his bowl of noodles as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.

“Gē,” Yixing complained quietly, “We haven’t seen each other in two years and never once did you mention getting tired of staying in Korea. And suddenly I get a call from you saying you’re coming home and not even twenty-four hours later, you’re on a plane to China. And being your brother, I know you’re not the spontaneous type, so there must be a reason.”

Luhan fiddled with his napkin, “Maybe I just missed you and our parents,” he said dismissively.

“Luhan, please,” Yixing blew out a huff of exasperation, “Who are you trying to fool? I’m your _brother,_ Lu, I _know_ you. I’m worried about you, something must’ve happened for you to come back home.”

Luhan didn’t meet Yixing’s anxious gaze, “I don’t want to talk about it, ok?” He said softly.

Yixing sighed, “Just looking out for you,” he murmured.

Luhan forced a tiny smile, “I’m alright, Yixing, don’t worry about me.”

* * *

When Baekhyun’s phone rang that night, he lunged for it and answered without even checking the caller id. “LUHAN!” He screamed into the phone. “About damn time you gave me a call! Do you know how worried I was? Three days! Three days without any sign of you! You could be dead for all I know!” He paused dramatically to suck in some much needed oxygen.

Yixing waited patiently until Baekhyun ran out of air. “It’s not Luhan.”

“This is not what you promised! You promised to call or text at least once a day. Wait-what?” Yixing’s words finally registered. “It’s not Lu…” Baekhyun yanked the phone from his ear to check the name. “Yixing hyung!” He gasped. “How are you? Did Luhan get off the plane safely? Is he staying with you? Why didn’t he call me? Did he lose his phone? Is he coming back?”

“Baekhyun. Breathe,” Yixing commanded. He laughed, “I’m doing pretty well. Yes, Luhan got off the plane safely. Yes, he’s staying with me. I don’t know why he didn’t call you back. No, he didn’t lose his phone. I don’t know if he’s going back to Korea. Did that answer your questions?”

Baekhyun coughed in an attempt to hide his embarrassment, “Sorry.”

Yixing chuckled, “You’re just worried about him, Baek, I understand. So am I.”

“So what’s up, hyung?”

 “Did anything…happen to him in Korea?” Yixing asked slowly, “Luhan didn’t tell me, but I find it strange that he packed up his bags and left Korea so suddenly.”

Baekhyun hesitated, unsure of what to say. He himself still wasn’t sure on what had happened with Sehun and Luhan, so he decided to settle on the partial truth. “Luhan and…Sehun had a…fight,” he said slowly, choosing his words carefully.

“Really?” Yixing said incredulously, “A _fight_ made Luhan come back to China? Don’t they usually work things out? Was it really that bad?” He wasn’t completely sure if Baekhyun was telling the truth or not. Luhan and Sehun rarely fought; the two barely even disagreed with each other.

“I don’t know,” Baekhyun said honestly, “I really don’t. Luhan wouldn’t tell me,” he admitted.

Yixing pinched the bridge of his nose and glanced over to where his brother is curled up on the couch, with his headphones plugged in, oblivious to the world as he doodled absentmindedly. “Alright, I’ll call you if anything happens.”

“Take care of him, hyung,” Baekhyun told Yixing quietly.

“Don’t worry, Baek, I will,” Yixing promised.

* * *

Luhan walked into the room and stopped. “Gē?” Yixing called as he rounded the corner. “What are you-oh, you found it.”

“You still have it,” Luhan breathed, staring at the little wooden piano, the very one which he had spent his high school days banging around on, trying to write random songs.

Yixing looked sheepish, “I sometimes like to come in and play for a bit,” he confessed. “It helps me relax.”

“Do you still write songs, Yixing?” Luhan looked at the lone guitar in the corner.

“Sometimes,” Yixing admitted, “Do you, gē?”

Luhan thought of the countless songs that he had composed for Sehun, pouring his heart into the music, his meaning clear in notes and rhythms and lyrics. “No,” he said finally, “I don’t.” He felt like he needed to give Yixing some sort of explanation. “Art takes too much of my time, you see.”

“Huh.” Yixing looked at him, “Well why don’t you play something?” he suggested. “Any song,” he coaxed gently, “I like listening to you play and sing, Lu.” Luhan eyed the piano warily. Noting his brother’s hesitancy, Yixing walked towards the door, “I can leave if you want,” he suggested. “Just play something, Lu, let your heart speak. Lose yourself in the music. It helps me clear my mind,” he explained. “It’s a nice little escape for a while.”

Luhan settled himself down on the piano bench and sighed, “Alright, but I don’t want an audience today.” As soon as Yixing left the room, Luhan’s fingers began to dance over the keyboard. He started playing an English song that he had once heard and called out to him deeply.

Yixing listened silently outside the door.

_“Well hello world, hope you're listening_

_Forgive me if I’m young for speaking out of turn_

_But there’s someone I've been missing_

_And I think that they could be the better half of me_

_They’re in the wrong place_

_Trying to make it right_

_But I'm tired of justifying”_

The lyrics, rather than the fact that his brother was singing in English, troubled Yixing greatly. _Why did he pick that song?_ He wondered. _It’s so sad._

 _“So I say to you, come home, come home_  
_'Cause I’ve been waiting for you for so long, for so long_  
_And right now there's a war between the vanities_  
_But all I see is you and me_  
_And the fight for you is all I've ever known_  
_So come home”_

Yixing left Luhan singing sorrowfully with worried thoughts racing through his head.

* * *

Over the days, Luhan seemed to get worse. He was eating less and less and his under-eye circles seemed to darken every day. Yixing noticed these things, but didn’t call them to attention. He simply subtly piled more food onto his brother’s plate and brewed herbal tea to help him sleep. But even as Yixing watched Luhan eat and sleep, he couldn’t erase the nagging feeling that his brother was wasting away. And it worried Yixing. But he never asked Luhan about what was troubling him, since Luhan never wanted to talk about it.

* * *

“My son!” Luhan’s mother threw herself at Luhan the minute she opened the door. “Two years! You haven’t returned for two years!”

“Sorry mother,” Luhan hugged his mother gently, “But I’m back now.”

“Imagine my shock when Yixing told me you’re back in China!” his mother exclaimed. “He said you didn’t give him any warning at all!” She glared at him accusingly, “Why the short notice?” Yixing followed the two of them quietly into the living room.

Luhan hesitated, “I just missed you guys so much,” he recited the same lie he had given Yixing.

The mother examined her eldest son carefully. “You’re too thin,” she said, “Do they not feed you in Korea?”

Yixing saw Luhan freeze for the slightest second, “No, I’ve been eating,” Luhan forced out a little laugh.

“You need to eat more!” She scolded, “How’s my son-in-law?”

Luhan stared at her, “What?”

“Shìxūn! How is he?”

Yixing noted the way Luhan stiffened, “He’s doing well. He’s in Korea.” Luhan mumbled.

“Why didn’t he come with you this time?” His mother continued to push.

“He’s…busy,” Luhan said dismissively.

“Since when do you call him your son-in-law, mother?” Yixing asked curiously, trying to spare his brother from their mother’s incessant questioning. Luhan looked downright miserable. Yixing wondered what exactly had happened between the two.

“Well the last time Shìxūn came here, the two of them looked so happy and they’ve been together for five years. It’s only a matter of time before they get married,” their mother reasoned. “Though I would prefer some grandchildren, I would want my sons marry who they love,” she added.

Luhan looked pained, “Mother, can we please not talk about marriage right now? I’m still young, I have plenty of time before I get settled down.”

“What’s the matter? Did you two have a fight?” she asked worriedly.

Luhan shook his head quickly, “No,” he said, not meeting his mother’s gaze, “The two of us are just really busy right now,” he mumbled. “I need to…go,” he stood up, “I need to check up on a client,” he lied, holding up his phone. He excused himself.

“What is up with that boy?” their mother wondered aloud.

Yixing shifted, “I don’t know,” he said.

“I’m worried about him.”

Yixing thought of the sad songs Luhan had been singing to himself throughout the week and the dull look in his eyes. “So am I, mother,” he confessed.

“Take care of your brother,” his mother said, “I think he’s in a sad place right now.”

Thinking back to Luhan’s replies about Sehun, Yixing agreed, “I think so too.” He resolved to do all he can to bring his once cheerful brother back.

* * *

“Yixing,” Luhan said suddenly. The two of them were having a quiet lunch together.

“Hmm?”

“What do you think about death?”

Yixing choked on his rice, “Luhan, don’t talk about that,” he scolded, trying to mask his fear by hitting Luhan gently on the arm.

“I’m serious,” Luhan said, almost dreamily. “What happens when someone decides to…let go?”

“Luhan, stop this, you’re scaring me,” Yixing said quietly. He was seriously getting freaked out.

“What if that someone had a loved one? Do you think the loved one will miss that person?” Luhan leaned forward intently, but Yixing noticed the faraway gaze in Luhan’s eyes.

Yixing felt ice run through his veins at Luhan’s words. “Gē, that loved one will definitely miss that person and wouldn’t want that person to go,” Yixing said desperately, “Please stop this at once.”

“But what if that loved one lost all his memories? Would he still love that person? Would he still miss that person?” Luhan asked absentmindedly, but Yixing didn’t miss the pain in Luhan’s voice. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that Luhan was talking about himself, and that frightened Yixing even more.

“Gēgē,” Yixing pleaded.

“Just answer the question, Yixing!” Luhan suddenly snapped, desperation thick in his voice as his face lost all traces of the dreaminess.

Yixing swallowed hard, “I think…” he began, trying to come up with some way to assure Luhan. “That love will conquer everything and that loved one’s memories will come back and that person will live happily with his loved one.” He tried to keep his voice steady. “Gē, what brought this on? If there’s anything wrong, please tell me,” he begged.

Luhan nodded, “There’s nothing wrong, Yixing, quit worrying,” and with that he stood up and walked away. A few minutes later, Yixing heard the melancholy chords of the piano float through the air.

Yixing grabbed his phone and punched in the numbers. “Baekhyun,” he almost growled into the phone when the said brunette picked up.

“Hyung?” Baekhyun asked, wondering what was up with Yixing’s tone of voice. “Did anything…happen?”

“Luhan has been asking me questions, Baekhyun, questions about suicide and death.” A sob broke through his voice as he tried to keep his voice hushed.

“ _WHAT?!”_ Baekhyun panicked. “He’s that bad? You have to watch him carefully, hyung! You have to! Make sure he doesn’t do anything crazy!”

“I _am_!” Yixing snapped, “But I need the complete story, Baekhyun. I know you’ve been hiding from me, but I need to know exactly what happened between him and Sehun.”

“Did Luhan tell you about the accident?” Baekhyun asked.

“Accident? What accident?”

Baekhyun sighed, “I see he hasn’t told you about that then. Well about six months ago, Chanyeol and Sehun got into a bad accident. They had severe head trauma, and as a result of that, amnesia. Chanyeol’s memories came back quite easily, but Sehun’s…” Baekhyun trailed off. “Sehun was rather…difficult,” he said carefully. “No matter how hard Luhan tried to trigger his memories, his memories wouldn’t come back. Even worse, Sehun grew distrustful of Luhan and…um…kicked him out. That’s all I know. But there was one night when I dragged Luhan out for a night at the bar and I…went to dance. When I came back, Luhan was…well…drunk and he gave Jongin a toast…something about ‘finally getting his man?’ I’m not sure, but then Luhan started crying and saying something about seeing Sehun kiss his childhood friend, so I assumed something had happened between Sehun and Jongin. But four days after that night at the club, I tried to get Luhan out again and we saw Sehun and Jongin exit a tea shop. That was the night he called you and booked that ticket to China,” Baekhyun said. “That’s all I know. But I’m not sure if Sehun and Jongin are together; it could be a big misunderstanding for all I know. Luhan does tend to overreact a bit.”

Yixing processed Baekhyun’s story. “So you’re saying that Sehun and Jongin may or may not be together, but Luhan thinks they are,” he said and then sighed. “Is there any possible way for you to find out the truth?”

Baekhyun paused, “I can…try?” he answered, unsure of how he can achieve that task.

“Well do your best, Baekhyun, and if they aren’t together, then I can break the news to Luhan and he’ll be his cheerful self again.” Yixing decided.

“And if they are?” Baekhyun asked worriedly.

Yixing’s lips thinned, “Then we don’t tell Luhan. He’s depressed enough already. If they are, I’ll come over to Korea myself and knock some sense into Sehun.”

“I’ve wanted to do that a long time ago,” sighed Baekhyun, “Luhan wouldn’t let me.”

“We need some way to get Sehun’s memories back, Baekhyun,” Yixing said. “It’s the only way.”

“I’ll try, hyung, but it won’t be easy,” Baekhyun said nervously.

“That’s all I need,” Yixing said.

* * *

 

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

_“Luhan! You and Shi Xun go set up the tree!” Luhan’s mother called out to her son. Because of Yixing’s studying in America, he had brought back Western Christmas traditions and their mother wanted to try them out. Thus, the Christmas tree._

_Luhan smiled, his eyes crinkling into happy, half-moon crescents, “Come on, Sehun-ah,” he said cheerfully, tugging the younger boy into the living room. He gestured to the pine tree in the middle of the living room. “Why don’t you get that up and I’ll go get the decorations?” He offered. Sehun nodded and watched him leave._

_“You love him, don’t you?” Yixing, Luhan’s younger brother, asked Sehun in Korean._

_Sehun nodded, a dreamy smile appearing on his face, “Yeah I do…a lot.”_

_Yixing laughed as he strung up lights on the window. “I can see that.” He turned his attention back to the garlands he was trying to hang up. The two boys worked peacefully for a few minutes until Yixing spoke, “Don’t hurt him, because if you do, I’ll have to come after you and I wouldn't want that since you seem like a nice guy,” Yixing said playfully._

_Sehun’s hands stilled on the trunk of the tree he was trying to steady in the stand, “I would never think of hurting Luhan,” he said quietly._

_Yixing laughed again. Sehun wondered what was so funny. “Good,” he simply said. Yixing eyed the decorations that he was in charge of and a smirk appeared on his face when he saw a cluster of leaves that had white berries on them. Mistletoe._

_“I’m back!” Luhan’s voice called. He appeared in the living room, bags of decorations hanging from his arms. “Anyone missed me?”_

_“No,” Yixing deadpanned, “No one missed your ugly face.”_

_Sehun disagreed silently. Luhan with his cheeks rosy from the chilled air was one of the most beautiful sights he had ever seen. Luhan laughed, “If my face is ugly, then yours must be uglier,” he told his brother. The two fell into playful banter while Sehun managed to finally stand the tree upright._

_“Done,” Sehun announced, brushing off the sap from the tree that had collected on his fingers. It smelled fresh and Sehun decided he liked the smell. Mixed with the smell of cinnamon that was floating around the house, it created a unique scent._

_Luhan bounced over, excitement evident in his eyes as he hugged Sehun tightly. Sehun found that Luhan smelt like cinnamon and pine. It made him like the scent even more. “Yay! Now we can get started on decorating!” Luhan cheered and went to retrieve the bags of decorations. The two of them decorated the tree and when it was finally done, they stood back to observe the fruit of their labor. The tree stood magnificently in the center of the living room and the tiny lights twinkled brightly. It was beautiful. As Sehun’s attention switched from the tree to his lover beside him, he thought Luhan was more beautiful. Luhan’s eyes gleamed with merriment and his cheeks were still rosy._

_“Mistletoe!” Yixing yelled, waving a sprig of mistletoe between the two of them._

_Luhan laughed and reached for Sehun. Their lips connected and Sehun could feel the electricity charge between the two of them, the way it always did when they touched. With the scent of cinnamon and pine in his nose, and the press of Luhan’s soft lips against his, Sehun lost himself in the moment._

_“Yah! I’m still in the room, guys!” Yixing complained. The two ignored him. “Guys!”_

_They finally pulled apart to breathe. “Merry Christmas, Sehun-ah,” Luhan smiled lovingly up at Sehun, eyes crinkling into genuine crescents._

_“Merry Christmas,” Sehun said, gazing into the eyes of the man he loved._

_“I love you, Sehun-ah,” Luhan whispered, his lips centimeters apart from Sehun’s._

_“I love you, Luhan,” Sehun leaned forward slightly, so their lips touched again._

_“I’m gonna puke!” Yixing groaned, “Can you guys be any cheesier?”_

_Luhan broke the kiss to glare at his brother, “You were the one who put mistletoe between us,” he reminded him._

_“I didn’t expect the two of you to suck each other’s faces off,” Yixing retorted._

_“Well leave us alone then!” Luhan rolled his eyes._

_“Depends, are you guys done sucking face?”_

_Luhan smirked, “No,” and with that, he reached for Sehun yet again._

_He laughed breathlessly against Sehun’s lips when he heard Yixing groan and scramble out of the living room, muttering about being “so cheesy I’m going to puke.”_

_Luhan pulled back to look at Sehun. “This is one of the best Christmases ever,” he said softly._

_And Sehun couldn’t help but agree as he took in Luhan’s sparkling eyes, rosy cheeks, and now the kiss-reddened lips. It was one of the best Christmases Sehun had celebrated with Luhan. Because it was simply with Luhan._

 

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Sehun jerked out of his daze with a start. He was breathing hard and his heart was pounding an erratic beat. The smell of pine tree and cinnamon filled his nose and he could feel Luhan’s lips against his. This was usual, feeling things or smelling things after whenever he had one of his flashbacks. Then Sehun realized something as his mug dropped from his hands and shattered, making the cat run off in fear but Sehun didn’t even flinch at the sound of ceramic hitting the ground. He was too shocked.

Because this time, it was different.

This time, he _remembered._


	10. Chapter Ten

Sehun paced throughout the apartment endlessly. It had been two days since the Christmas memory had popped up and he couldn’t get it out of his head. Every little detail was firmly embedded in his mind’s eye. It was so vivid and it scared him. He had never retained a memory before and he was scared of what these memories might bring. After all, he had literally lost his identity, who knows what kind of person he was in his past life? But Sehun was lonely. He didn’t want to admit it, but it was true. He was lonely and miserable, and ok, he may have screwed up. There was an empty feeling after Luhan left, no after Sehun kicked him out two months ago. That emptiness was only made worse with the memory that kept popping up like a sore thumb. “Urgh,” he groaned, slamming his hand against the dresser. The stupid memory would just not go away. A picture fell. Sighing, Sehun picked up the picture frame to reveal himself. Him and Luhan, to be exact. The two of them were holding up peace signs and smiling at the camera.

He stared at Luhan’s face. Luhan was _breathtaking,_ he realized with a sudden ache in his heart. A gentle _plink!_ startled him out of his reverie. Sehun looked down to see a ring with a rolled-up piece of paper stuffed inside it. Mystified, he knelt to pick up the ring and unrolled the note.

_Dear Sehun-ah,_

_I took this ring from you on the night of the accident since the doctors told me that you would have some amnesia. Because you will surely ask what a ring is doing on your finger when you woke, I didn’t want you to be even more confused than you already are, so I took it from you. I hope one day you’ll regain your memories and that you never have to see this note (because when you remember everything, I’ll just give this ring back to you). But if you accidentally find this (I’ll admit, behind a picture frame isn’t exactly a secret place), and you’re confused, just know that this ring is a physical representation of our love. (I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.) But this was your idea for our 100 days. On July 25 th of 2008, you surprised me with couple rings for our 100 days of being together. I’m sorry if I shocked you with this information, but I’ll always love you. Even if you don’t remember me and the love that we shared, I’ll keep on loving you. I just wanted you to know that._

_Forever loving you,_

_Luhan_

Sehun picked up the ring with shaking fingers. A mixture of emotions ran through him. Confusion. Sadness. Guilt. And one that felt like his heart was being shredded into pieces. He examined the silver ring. It was a simple silver ring that had half a heart on the outside of the band. In the halved heart, a tiny ‘H’ was engraved. He turned the ring over slowly and the words “ _Luhan ∞,"_ was engraved on the inside. His trembling fingers slowly slid the ring over his left ring finger. It was a perfect fit. A memory came rushing at him, one of a certain day in July.

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

_“Sehun-ah, it’s almost our 100 days,” Luhan suddenly said, looking up from his phone. “Let’s get couple rings!”_

_Sehun froze, his pen hovering over his homework, and mentally cursed. He had been planning to surprise Luhan with exactly that. “I don’t know,” he said hesitantly, “Couple rings are a bit too cheesy for me.” He almost wanted to take back his words when he saw disappointment flash across Luhan’s face. But he couldn’t ruin the surprise._

_“Oh,” Luhan murmured, crestfallen, “I guess…I guess we could celebrate some other way,” he tried not to sound too disappointed._

_“Hey,” Sehun said softly, “We should do something out of the ordinary. I mean, everyone gets couple rings. Let’s be different, surprise each other.”_

_Luhan looked thoughtful, “What do you want to do?”_

_Sehun grinned at him, “I already have my surprise,” he announced proudly._

_Luhan smacked him gently, “Brat!” he complained, “Now I only have a week to come up with something!”_

_“I’m sure you’ll think of something in time,” Sehun assured him, turning his attention back to his neglected homework. Luhan ran through different ideas in his mind. In the end, he decided to ask Baekhyun for help. The ringing of Sehun’s phone interrupted the peaceful silence._

_“What’s that?” Luhan inquired curiously, noticing the way Sehun lunged for his phone, eyes twinkling with excitement._

_“My surprise,” Sehun grinned, seeing Luhan pout. “You’ll see in a week,” he promised as he gave Luhan a quick kiss and rushed out the door. Once he was safely out of the apartment, he grinned. “Chanyeol!” He said, greeting the tall male who was waiting for him._

_“My Sehunnie is celebrating his 100 days!” Chanyeol pretended to wipe away tears. “And he’s going to surprise Luhan with couple rings! Aw so cute! I’m so proud!” He laughed when Sehun punched him lightly on the shoulder. “Alright, alright, let’s get going!” Once they got to Myeongdong, Chanyeol led Sehun toward a jewelry shop, “This is where I got Baekhyun ours,” he explained, gesturing around the store. “They also do engravings,” he added._

_Sehun wandered around the store, trying to find something that would suit Luhan’s tastes. He needed to find something simple, yet meaningful. He rejected most of the choices that Chanyeol gave him since they were usually fancy rings that had elaborate designs. “Can I help you with anything?” A quiet voice piped up. Sehun looked up from a pair of rings to see a middle-aged woman watching him intently._

_“No ajeumoni,” he said politely, unsure of how she’s going to react if he said he was buying couple rings for his boyfriend._

_“Well you’re obviously looking for something,” she insisted, “I can help you find whatever it is you’re looking for more quickly.”_

_“Um,” Sehun looked to Chanyeol for help, but his best friend was on the other side of the shop, browsing through some necklaces. “I’m…looking for…couple rings,” he began carefully._

_“Oh wonderful!” The lady beamed and tugged Sehun toward the section that Sehun had been avoiding since he stepped foot inside the store. “I have a wide selection that your girlfriend will surely love,” she promised as she pulled different rings from the shelves. “What does your girlfriend like?” she asked._

_Sehun eyed the flowery, sparkly rings with distaste. “Um… something pure? And simple?” he asked hesitantly._

_The lady laughed, “That’s what every girl wants!” she tutted. Chanyeol coughed loudly to mask his laughter._

_Sehun looked helplessly at him. Help me! He mouthed frantically._

_Chanyeol shook his head. You’re on your own, dude, he mouthed back, shaking with silent laughter._

_“Are there any designs your girlfriend would prefer?” the lady asked._

_“Boyfriend, ajeumoni,” Sehun blurted, tired of hearing the word “girlfriend.” Chanyeol stared at him in shock and then doubled up in silent laughter. Sehun waited for the ground to swallow him up._

_The lady paused, “Pardon?”_

_“Nothing,” Sehun said hastily._

_“I swear I heard you say ‘boyfriend,’” the lady narrowed her eyes._

_“Uh…” Sehun honestly didn’t know how to extract himself from this situation. And Chanyeol was not going to be of any help, as the idiot was practically rolling on the ground in laughter. He decided to come out with the honest truth. “I’m buying couple rings for my boyfriend,” he mumbled._

_Silence._

_“Why didn’t you say so?” the lady clapped her hands excitedly, “I have just the thing!”_

_Sehun and Chanyeol shared dumbfounded expressions. “I have a boyfriend,” Sehun clarified, just to make sure the lady heard him correctly._

_“I know, dear, I heard you the first time,” the lady waved his comment away. “And don’t worry, I’m not going to judge you or anything, my son has a partner too,” she shrugged. “Now are you going to choose or not?” Stunned, Sehun followed her as she took out multiple rings. “You said simple, correct?” she asked. Sehun nodded wordlessly. “I’ve got a couple here that might be just what you’re looking for.” She laid rings on top of the glass counter. “See any that would suit both your styles?”_

_Sehun examined the rings carefully. “This one,” he finally decided, pointing to a pair of rings that each had half a heart on it, so together they made one heart. Sehun smiled. It was simple. “It’s perfect,” Sehun uttered, lips quirking upward as he thought of Luhan’s reaction._

__

_The lady smiled gently when she saw Sehun’s face, “Ah the platinum rings! Very nice choice! Do you want anything engraved?”_

_Sehun thought hard, “Yes actually,” he decided. “I want the name ‘Luhan’ on one and the name ‘Sehun’ on the other. Both with infinity signs. Then I want an ‘H’ on each halved heart,” Sehun said slowly, pointing to the places where he wanted the engravings._

_“Alright, your rings will be ready in about three days,” the lady said as she jotted down Sehun’s request._

_“Thank you very much, ajeumoni,” Sehun said happily and bowed respectfully._

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Sehun’s eyes snapped open. The memory…  He remembered it as clear as day. It was no different than remembering what he did the day before. His gaze wandered to the ring on his finger as he tried to calm down his racing heartbeat. _Luhan, Luhan, Luhan,_ his mind chanted. Luhan. The guy who had been suffocating him ever since Sehun had opened his eyes at the hospital. There’s not a day when Sehun doesn’t think about him. And it frightened Sehun. But as his eye swept over the ring yet again, he wondered if he had made a huge mistake by kicking Luhan out. One that he may regret for the rest of his life.

* * *

Luhan wandered a little farther away from Yixing and watched from the corner of his eye as Yixing frowned, but did not hasten to narrow the gap between the two of them. Yixing had been keeping a close eye on him ever since he had asked those questions about death. Luhan assumed he had spooked his brother and he was currently being placed under suicide watch. He sighed, watching a white puff of air curl forth from his mouth. He hadn’t meant to ask those questions; his own fears and insecurities had suddenly come out, resulting in verbal vomit. But as he walked slowly along the banks of the _HòuHǎi,_ he couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if he were to let go. The thought of Sehun being with someone else hurt too much. If he were to let go, there will be no pain. No more hurting. But a part of him knew that he could and would never leave Sehun. He sucked in a mouthful of the chilled air. His spontaneous trip to China was supposed to be his _escape_ , a short break. He just couldn’t bear the sight of Jongin with Sehun. Sehun. His heart contracted painfully at the name as he stared gloomily at the slightly frozen waters of the lake. Normally during the wintertime, as Luhan recalled, people would come ice skating on the lake, but it wasn’t cold enough for ice skating yet. He sighed yet again. _Do you know how much I love you?_ Luhan asked silently in his head. _Do you know how much it hurts?_  He rubbed his left ring finger absentmindedly, a small smile appearing on his face as he thought of that day when Sehun had given him the ring which he was currently playing with.

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

_“Sehun-ah, where’s my surprise?” Luhan asked, laughing. Luhan had bought them Sehun’s beloved bubble tea and now the two of them were having a picnic under the shaded privacy of a large oak tree in_ _Marronnier Park_.

_Sehun smiled, “Hand, Lulu,” he commanded. Confused, Luhan raised his right hand. Sehun smirked, “Other one.” Luhan raised his left hand, eyes widening with curiosity. Sehun produced a small ring and slid it gently onto Luhan’s ring finger._

_“Sehun-ah,” Luhan said accusingly, instantly realizing what it was. “I thought you said rings were too cheesy.”_

_“Nothing’s ever too cheesy with you,” Sehun said simply._

_Luhan laughed, “Now that was cheesy,” he teased._

_Sehun extended his left hand out so Luhan could see the matching ring, “Well I originally planned to surprise you with couple rings. But when you suggested,” he shrugged, “I panicked and thought you might get the same thing, so I improvised. And besides,” he took Luhan’s hand in his, “I wanted us to match. To show the world we’re a couple. To show you belong to me and I belong to you.” He explained. “Look,” he said, lining up their rings so that it made a heart._

_“HH?” Luhan questioned, examining their linked hands closely._

_“Hun and Han?” Sehun said. “I thought it was creative,” he added defensively._

_Luhan’s musical laughter rang in the air, “It is, Sehunnie, it is,” he assured Sehun. “I like it.” He took off his ring to see the inscription inside, “On second thought, I love it,” he smiled when he saw Sehun’s name with an infinity sign. “I’m guessing my name’s on yours then?”_

_Sehun nodded as he pulled off his ring to let Luhan examine it. “Happy 100 days, Lulu,” he said softly._

_Luhan leaned in and kissed him softly, “And there’ll be many more to come,” he whispered against Sehun’s lips. “Many, many more.”_

_“I love you,” Sehun breathed._

_Luhan smiled and kissed him once again, “I love you too.”_

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Luhan smiled sadly as he eyed the words “ _Sehun_ _∞”_ engraved on the inside. Cradling his ring carefully, he ran a finger around the ring, smiling when his finger hit the “H.” Suddenly a force plowed into him and he lost his grip on the ring. Time seemed to slow down as his brother, his attacker, and Luhan watched the glint of silver as it flew into the air. The ring clattered softly onto the frozen lake with a soft _plink!_ No one spoke.

Then,

“ _NO_!” Luhan shouted frantically. The person who had accidentally tumbled into Luhan turned to apologize and then stopped when he recognized the face in front of him.

“Luhan?” the person said in astonishment, but Luhan paid him no mind. He ran to the barrier that prevented him from stepping onto the ice.

Yixing instantly saw what his brother was about to do. “Luhan, no!” He rushed forward to try to stop him but he was too late. Luhan had deftly climbed over the barrier and was now on the ice. “LUHAN! COME BACK NOW!”  He screamed, his voice trembling with fear. The ice was not strong enough to support his brother’s weight, he knew that. “ _LUHAN!_ ” The cry was full of desperation. 

But it fell on deaf ears.

Luhan walked unsteadily toward the ring. _He had to get that ring, he had to!_  His shaking fingers picked up the small ring and he held it tightly. Reverently. _Thank god. It’s ok, it’s ok. I’ve got it._ He clutched the ring close to him. _I’ve got it, I’ve got it._

It was like everything happened in slow motion as a thunderous crack sounded.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW: Xiumin and Minseok are TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE. Yes, I'm aware that Xiumin is Minseok's stage name in real life, but for the sake of this fanfic, they are two different people.

_2013, April 16,_

_Today marks our fifth year anniversary! To celebrate, the two of us decided that we would go to Namsan Tower and place a love lock._

Sehun gazed down at the picture that his old self had slipped into the journal. In the picture, Luhan was holding up his traditional peace sign along with a small lock that had words written on it. Sehun flipped the picture over and saw that he had scribbled, “ _13/04/16-5 th year anniversary, Namsan Tower_.” He gripped the picture tightly. He could remember the day clearly.

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

_“Sehun-ah! Hurry up!” The shorter male shouted cheerfully, but his grip on Sehun’s hand did not loosen. Sehun smiled at his excited lover and took in his twinkling eyes. He raised his camera and snapped another picture. “Sehun-ah,” Luhan tugged gently on his hand, “You can take your pictures later, I want to put up our locks first.”_

_“Ok, fine,” Sehun grudgingly put down his camera and allowed himself to be tugged into the cable car. To anyone merely glancing at the couple, the two of them probably looked like a pair of tourists. But if they looked more closely, they might have noticed the loving looks that the two exchanged, or the excitement between them. Luhan closed his eyes as the cable car began to rise and Sehun gave their linked hands a reassuring squeeze. “It’s going to be ok, I’m right here,” Sehun whispered, knowing how Luhan was scared of heights. Luhan clutched Sehun’s hand more tightly. When they finally reached the tower, Luhan gave a quiet sigh of relief and was back to his cheerful self._

_“Sehun-ah, let’s go,” Luhan said, pointing to the crowd near the fence. Sehun followed him willingly. “Choose a place, Sehun-ah,” Luhan told him, eyes shining._

_Sehun looked at the vast expanse of fencing that had locks occupying every visible space. “You realize that there is no empty place right?”_

_Luhan huffed at him, making him grin, “You know what I mean, Sehun-ah!”_

_“Ok, ok!” Sehun laughed and scanned the fence more carefully, “How about here?” He pointed to a tiny section of the fence._

_Luhan examined the spot and beamed. “Perfect,” he said happily, and held up a small lock. “Where’s your lock, Sehun-ah?” Sehun presented him with a lock that had some writing on it. Luhan linked the two locks together, “Ready?” he asked, absolutely bubbling with excitement. Sehun nodded and simply snapped another picture. Slowly, Luhan locked their linked locks onto the fence and clicked the lock shut. Their hands automatically found their way into each other. The two of them grinned at each other like idiots, smiles practically splitting their faces. With their hands clasped tight, they enjoyed the view, well Sehun did. "Have you noticed that Chanyeol has been acting weird around Baek lately? I wonder what's going on with those two," Luhan suddenly said._

_Sehun laughed, "He's planning to propose," he announced, "For Baekhyun's birthday."_ _Luhan looked surprised by the news. Then his expression changed into a thoughtful one. "What are you thinking about?" Sehun asked._

_Luhan smiled, "The future," he said, almost dreamily. "Our future."_

_Sehun wrapped an arm around Luhan's shoulders and pulled him close. "Do you want to get married, Lulu?" Luhan nodded, a faint flush coloring his cheeks. "Ok," Sehun simply said, grinning from ear to ear._

_Luhan tilted his head to look at him suspiciously, "What do you mean 'ok?'"_

_"Ok," Sehun said again._

_Luhan narrowed his eyes at him, "Oh Sehun," he said threateningly, "You better not be planning anything."_

_Sehun shrugged nonchalantly, "Who said I was planning anything?" he said innocently. Luhan's eyes narrowed further, but he didn't say anything. "Were you serious?" Sehun asked softly._

_Luhan tossed him a curious look, "About what?"_

_"About wanting to get married," Sehun murmured shyly._

_Luhan nodded, watching him with an unreadable expression. "Of course."_

_The two fell into a peaceful silence._

_"We'll get to spend the rest of our lives together," Sehun piped up._

_Luhan smiled, "That's why people get married, Sehun-ah." They were silent once more._

_"Do you think Baekhyun and Chanyeol will last? Their marriage?" Sehun asked in a hushed whisper._

_Luhan frowned at him and slapped his arm lightly. "Of course, haven't you been around those two? They're practically head over heels."_

_"What about us?"_

_Luhan's frown deepened, "We're celebrating five years of being together today and you're worried that we'll break apart?" He scolded._

_"No, I'm just...afraid..." Sehun confessed. "I don't want to lose this. Us," he admitted._

_Shaking his head, Luhan sighed, "Getting married doesn't change the way a couple feels toward each other, Sehun-ah. Usually those feelings get even stronger." He told him gently. "Marriage means that two people love each other enough to spend the rest of their lives together."_

_"I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Luhan," Sehun told him seriously._

_Luhan laughed, "That's the point, Sehun-ah. And you already got five years in, that's only a little bit less than eternity." He_ _held up his phone and switched the camera function onto video. “Today of 2013, on April 16 th, Sehun and I celebrated our fifth anniversary and we put a lock,” Luhan panned his phone onto the spot where they had placed their locks. He then turned the phone back onto the two of them and waved at the camera. He finished his video and turned to meet Sehun, who had a fond expression on his face._

_“Do you know what this means?” Sehun asked him, gesturing to the locks._

_“Forever!” Luhan cheered, laughing. Sehun marveled at the sight of Luhan laughing, and knew he would never tire of seeing it._

_“Yes,” Sehun murmured, suddenly bespoke with emotion. “We’re going to be together forever.” Forever. Sehun liked that word. “Happy fifth anniversary, Lulu,” he said._

_Luhan grinned and pulled him close, “Happy fifth, Sehunnie,” he breathed against Sehun’s lips. “I love you.”_

_“I love you, Lulu,” Sehun said before kissing him deeply. Forever, he thought._

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Sehun opened his eyes slowly.

And was surprised to find tears running down his cheeks.

The feeling of overwhelming loss filled him and he had never felt so lost. So empty. A sudden warmth on his lap made him look down. “What are you doing here?” he murmured to the cat on his lap, his voice shaky from the tears. The orange tabby yawned and gave him a haughty look. Sehun sighed, absentmindedly scratching its neck. “I messed up, didn’t I?” He asked out loud. The animal looked at him as if to say, _Yeah. You did. You screwed up._ “I miss him,” Sehun admitted, surprising himself. He realized how true that was. “It’s like he’s a part of me and I feel like there’s a part of me missing. I feel so empty, you know?” He felt stupid talking to a cat, but it strangely comforted him. Sehun sighed again and picked up the animal so that it faced him. “What do I do?” He asked. The cat merely wriggled away from his hands and went off in search of some other place to nap. Sehun watched the orange cat walk away, his heart heavy. _I’m sorry Luhan._ He thought.

_I miss you._

* * *

Cold.

Numbingly cold.

Luhan felt icy tendrils seep through his clothes as the ground beneath him disappeared. He watched the weak sun above him disappear and darkness poured on him. _Wait, what? Pour?_ He didn’t have time to dwell on that fact as he suddenly found he couldn’t breathe. He thrashed around, trying to find a secure handhold, but he found none. The thrashing around tired him immensely. He tried to suck in air but instead icy, suffocating wetness filled his lungs. He heard a distant person shouting his name.

So cold.

He was so cold.

Why was he so cold?

He couldn’t feel anything. _Why is everything so numb?_

As Luhan struggled for breath, his thoughts went to the ring. _Do I still have it?_ He panicked, his need for air forgotten as he tried to feel if the ring was in his hands. He clenched his hands tightly. There was something that was burning cold in his palm. _I’ve got it,_ he mentally chanted. _I’ve got it._

He was so cold.

He was so tired.

But none of that mattered.

He still has the ring.

As he sank further into the freezing darkness, his hands clutched the ring as if the ring was a lifeline.

_I’ve got it._

* * *

Xiumin honestly could not believe his eyes.  It was _Luhan,_ of all people. Luhan, the one who he had loved his entire life. Luhan, the one who he still loved. Luhan, the one who he hadn’t seen in over seven years. Luhan, the one who was currently drowning. Xiumin tried to move his shocked body, but found he couldn’t.

“CALL AN AMBULANCE!” Yixing shrieked at the stranger, who was standing stock-still, gaping openmouthed at Luhan. “DO _SOMETHING!_ ” He ran to the barrier. “LUHAN!”  He punched in the emergency number frantically on his phone. “MY BROTHER IS DROWNING!” He screamed before the person at the other end could even ask what the emergency was. “The _HòuHǎi_ _!_ HE FELL THROUGH  THE ICE. HURRY!”

The sound of sirens filled the winter air.

Xiumin felt like he was living in some kind of a twisted dream as an ambulance roared down the street and screeched to a stop in front of him. It was followed by several police cars. Emergency personnel streamed out from their respective vehicles and rushed toward the panicking young man who was waving frantically at them. “Sir,” a police officer was saying to Xiumin, “Sir, I need you to focus. Sir, please.”

Xiumin blinked and opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. “Um,” he managed to say.

“Sir, focus please,” the officer said impatiently.

“Ok,” Xiumin mumbled. This was all so surreal. He watched as people in orange haul out an inflatable raft and tied it to a nearby tree. There were two other people trying to calm down the hysterical man.

“Sir, I need you to tell me the victim’s name,” the officer said.

Xiumin forced his lips to move. “Lu…Han,” he barely managed to force out. It was interesting, somewhere in the back of his mind noted. That name had not slipped from his mouth in seven years and now in the past ten minutes, he had spoken it twice.

“What are you in relation to the victim?” The officer questioned. People were now getting into the water, dragging the raft behind them.

Xiumin thought hard. What _was_ his relation to Luhan? “I…” he trailed off and wetted his lips. “I’m… his…”

“Sir, please,” the officer pushed, exasperated.

“Boyfriend,” Xiumin blurted out. “I’m his boyfriend.”

The officer eyed him. “I see. Would you mind telling me how this happened?” Out of the corner of his eye, Xiumin saw the medical personal towing the raft back to shore. Luhan’s body was in it. He caught sight of Luhan’s deathly pale face, blue lips, and corpse-like features and was filled with sudden panic.  What if Luhan drowned? What if he _died_? “Sir!” The impatient officer barked, pulling him out of his dazed state.

“He…uh,” Xiumin tried to remember. There was some kind of a ring involved. Xiumin’s eyebrows furrowed. “I think he dropped…something…on the ice…and he ran to get it,” he said slowly.

The officer rolled his eyes, “Young people these days,” he grumbled under his breath. “Thank you sir,” he told Xiumin curtly.

Dazed, Xiumin watched as paramedics surrounded the raft. He heard snatches of “Hypothermia!” and “CPR now!” Panic filled his veins and rooted his body still.

“I got a pulse!” Someone shouted.

“Save him please!” Yixing was sobbing.

“Alright, he’s breathing!” A paramedic announced. “Get him to the hospital stat! We need to get his temperature up!” The EMTs lifted Luhan gently onto a stretcher. Yixing insisted on going along.

“Sir, I need to you to come with us,” the officer who had questioned Xiumin was back. “You need to accompany us to the hospital. The victim’s brother is in a state of shock right now and since you’re close to the victim, we need some information filled out.” Shakily, Xiumin nodded and was led to a police car. As quickly as they came, the police cars and ambulance disappeared in a screech of wheels.

When they got to the hospital, Xiumin was bombarded by questions. He answered them to the best of his ability, surprised that he still remembered Luhan’s information. By the time the questioning ended, it was around three in the afternoon and Xiumin was exhausted. He slumped into a random chair outside Luhan’s room and tried to get a grasp of his surroundings. He still felt like he was living in a dream. In the course of three hours, he had accidentally run into Luhan, whom he hadn’t seen in seven years. And then Luhan had almost drowned in front of his very eyes and now he was in a hospital room where doctors were trying to increase his temperature. The last time he had seen Luhan was Luhan very politely rejecting him after he had confessed his feelings. Then he heard Luhan was moving to Korea to study. And that was it. No word of him for seven years. But the feelings still remained, Xiumin knew. He still loves Luhan. The opening of the door made him lift his head.

Yixing had managed to calm down after he saw his brother was breathing. He had been inside the room the entire time the doctors had been trying to raise Luhan’s temperature.  But he couldn’t take it anymore and decided to leave the room. Then he saw him. Xiumin. “What are you doing here?” he asked in surprise.

Xiumin saw Yixing, “Um, the police dragged me here?” he said.

Yixing eyed him, “I see,” he said. He always found Xiumin slightly eccentric and could never decide if he liked or disliked him. Then he realized something. “You were there! Today!” Xiumin was who he had thought was the random stranger.

Xiumin nodded, “Yeah, that was me.” The two of them fell into silence.

“Well, Luhan is going to be alright,” Yixing finally said. He meant it as _you can leave now._

Xiumin understood the meaning behind his words perfectly. “If you don’t mind,” he said carefully. “I would like to stay here a bit longer until Luhan wakes up.”

Yixing forced a smile at him, “Of course, you must be worried about him.” Xiumin nodded, not betraying his thoughts.

Because Luhan was back in China.

It had been seven years.

Maybe Luhan changed his mind towards him.

_Maybe he has a chance._

It was a very small chance, Xiumin knew, but it was a chance nonetheless.

And he held onto it.

* * *

_No, stop!_

_Sehun struggled against the darkness that was sucking him in._

_There’s someone…Someone who’s waiting for me. I have to go back to him._

_The darkness pulled harder. Sehun fought against it with all his might._

_No! I can’t leave him! Stop! I love him! Stop it!_

_But the darkness was too strong and Sehun felt himself slipping into its clutches._

_LUHAN!_

Sehun jolted awake, breathing hard. He glanced around wildly, disoriented. He felt like someone or some _thing_ was chasing him. _It’s just a dream,_ he told himself, _just a dream._ He glanced at his alarm clock. 5:35 am. The sun was just starting to rise. He slumped back into his pillow and let his breathing and heart rate return to their normal paces. _It was a dream,_ he reassured himself.

But, for some reason he couldn’t shake off the feeling of loss.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter...Urgh...To be honest, I kind of wished I hadn't brought Xiumin into this whole mess. The part with Xiumin is a complete mess and huge fail. I apologize for that. I mean no ill will towards Xiumin. I love him. He looks like a puppy. So I apologize in advance for the way I'm writing his character. I don't like it either. So after you've read this update and you love Xiumin, please feel free to throw things at me. I want to throw things at myself too.
> 
> Also with what Baekhyun said about the couple ring thing, it may or may not be true. I don't know.
> 
> TW: Mentions of suicide or suicide idealizations. PLEASE CALL A SUICIDE HOTLINE IF YOU HAVE ANY INTRUDING THOUGHTS! REMEMBER: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. IF ANYONE NEED SOMEONE TO LISTEN TO, I WILL GLADLY BE THAT PERSON

Baekhyun eyed his target from across the club and planned to make his move. _Or attack,_ he thought dryly as he made his way through the crowd. “Jongin-ah!” He greeted the dark-haired male cheerfully, sliding into the seat next to him.

Jongin started in surprise at the sound of his name and looked up. “Baekhyun-hyung!” He said, shocked and wide-eyed.

“Long time, no talk,” Baekhyun said simply.

Jongin eyed him warily, “Yeah, I’ve been…busy,” he said indifferently while mentally wondering what Baekhyun was up to. Baekhyun always had a reason, Jongin knew, everything Baekhyun did or said had a reason.  It wasn’t like Byun Baekhyun talked to him on a daily basis anyway. The two of them had exchanged pleasantries during high school since Sehun had always sat with him and Chanyeol during lunch and Jongin had always sat with Sehun. 

Speaking of Sehun, Jongin wondered what was going on with his drinking buddy. Whenever Jongin called him to go for a drink, Sehun always replied with “ _Sorry, don’t feel like it,”_ or some variant of that response.

“Oh, I’m sure. I heard you opened a dance studio,” Baekhyun said, fingers playing with the olive garnish in his drink.

“Yes.” Jongin said breezily, wondering what he was poking at. “How have you been, Baekhyun-hyung?” He decided to make some light conversation. _Can’t hurt,_ he thought to himself, _sooner or later they’ll get to the main reason why Baekhyun was here._

“Life’s been good,” Baekhyun said airily. Now was the moment to put his acting skills to the test. “So, I’ve been wondering, Jongin-ah,” he began casually, “Are you and Sehun together?”

_Are you and Sehun together?_

_And there it was,_ Jongin thought bitterly, _the reason why Baekhyun had come._

Jongin tossed back his drink in a single gulp and gestured for another round. “No,” he said shortly, “We’re not. Why do you ask?” he asked brusquely.

Baekhyun had to refrain himself from doing a celebratory fist punch, but he noted the instant change in Jongin’s demeanor. “Oh I was just curious,” he shrugged, “The two of you seemed close, that’s all.”

Jongin decided to match Baekhyun’s nonchalant attitude, “Well, we are the same age. And we used to dance together. And I’ve known him my entire life,” he shrugged as well, “So yeah, I guess we’re pretty close.” He finished his second drink and rose from his seat, “It was nice talking to you, Baekhyun-hyung,” he lied, “I want to go dance now.”

“Same, Jongin-ah,” Baekhyun said politely, smiling brightly. He watched him walk, and an ecstatic grin unfurled from his mouth. He immediately punched in the familiar numbers. “Yixing-hyung!” He said gleefully as soon as the other person on the other end picked up, “I’ve got great ne-”

“Baekhyun,” Yixing cut him off gravely, “Something happened to Luhan.”

Baekhyun could feel his heart drop at the Yixing’s tone. “What happened?” He asked timidly, as if he didn’t want to know what had happened to Luhan.

There was a long sigh. “Luhan fell through the ice of a lake,” Yixing said, “He got hypothermia.”

Baekhyun panicked immediately, “Oh my god! Is he ok? Is he alive?” He started asking rapid-fire questions.

“ _Baekhyun,_ ” Yixing said warningly, “Calm down.”

“I can’t calm down! He’s my best friend!” Baekhyun flailed his arm around, “What was he doing on the ice in the first place?”

“Luhan’s alright, Baekhyun!” Yixing snapped. Baekhyun stopped, calming down at those words. “As for what he was doing on the ice,” Yixing took in another long sigh. “He was trying to retrieve a ring.”

“A ring?” Baekhyun was confused. Then it suddenly dawned on him. “Oh.” He said slowly, “It’s their couple ring.”

“You mean to tell me Luhan risked his life for a thing like that?” Yixing was incredulous. _How could his brother be so dumb?_

“It’s not just any ring, hyung,” Baekhyun looked at the elaborately designed ring on his own finger. “Sehun gave him that ring.”

“But it’s still a _ring_ ,” Yixing didn’t understand the hype.

“Hyung, here in Korea, couples get couple rings when they celebrate their 100 days of being together,” Baekhyun explained patiently. “It’s to signify that the couple is committed to each other and is in a serious relationship. It’s a bit of a big deal in Korea.”

“Luhan _risked_ his _life_ to get a ring,” Yixing repeated.

“It’s the only thing he has left that was a reminder of what they were, hyung,” Baekhyun said softly. “Of course he would want to hold onto it.”

“I see,” Yixing was at a loss for words. The thought that Luhan would risk his life just to retrieve a ring still seemed absurd to him.

“So how’s Luhan, now?” Baekhyun wanted to know.

“He’s still unconscious,” Yixing said, “But the doctors said he’ll probably wake up in a few hours.”

Baekhyun breathed a sigh of relief, “Keep me updated, hyung.”

“Will do,” Yixing promised. “Wait Baekhyun, I'm so sorry. I cut you off when you called. What were you about to say?”

“Oh!” Baekhyun remembered and then he grinned, “Hyung, Sehun and Jongin aren't together! I asked Jongin just now. Isn't that great?”

“That's fantastic!” Yixing sounded much happier. "Great job, Baekhyun!”

“So now Luhan can have a speedy recovery and come back to Korea and everything will be alright again,” Baekhyun cheered.

“Yes,” Yixing agreed, “I'll let Luhan know as soon as he wakes up.”

But little did they know that things get worse before they get better.

After all, Yixing did have a tendency to forget.

* * *

Luhan opened his eyes to overwhelming brightness. “Thank god, you’re awake,” a familiar voice breathed in relief.

Luhan turned to the owner of the voice. “Yixing?” he asked, his voice hoarse and raspy. He was suddenly overcome with a coughing fit. He raised his fist to his mouth, but was only to be met with hard plastic. He made to rip the oxygen mask off his face.

“Hey, don’t do that. You need it,” his brother cautioned. “That’s warm, humid oxygen.”

Groggily, Luhan raised his arms to rub at his eyes. “What’s this for?” he asked in confusion, gesturing to the multiple tubes poking into his skin. “What happened?”

“Well,” Yixing began carefully, “These are warmed fluids to help your body warm itself back up. As to what happened, you fell through ice,” Yixing eyed him, “Because you were trying to get something,” he paused. “A ring, to be specific.” Luhan frowned, trying to remember through the haze in his befuddled brain. The only thing he could remember was freezing darkness. Well, that explained the layers of blankets he was under. He fell into another coughing fit, one so violent that he started seeing stars. “Maybe I should get the doctor,” Yixing looked worried, the coughing seemed abnormal.  

“The ring!” Luhan suddenly gasped, panicking.

Yixing resisted the urge to roll his eyes, “It’s safe,” he said dryly. But that didn’t seem enough to placate Luhan as he looked around wildly. “Here,” Yixing placed the forsaken ring into Luhan’s hands. Luhan calmed down immediately and slipped the ring safely onto his left ring finger. Yixing noticed the way he caressed it.  “I’m going to get a doctor,” Yixing announced. He left the room and went into the hallway. There was no one there so he decided to go look for a doctor.

Luhan coughed miserably for a few moments after Yixing left. He groaned. Everything seemed to be swimming around him. _What was going on?_ He wondered. Sighing, he closed his eyes. Just as he was about to drift into unconsciousness once more, a soft cough made him open his eyes. A wave of dizziness swept over him as light streamed into his eyes. He blinked slowly till he no longer felt like he was going to faint.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Xiumin wondered what the hell he was doing. But he shoved that part aside. “Hello Luhan,” he said somewhat nervously, holding out a bouquet of “Get Well Soon!” flowers.

Luhan wanted to burst into tears (he blamed the weird medication the doctors gave him) and wondered what he had done in his life to deserve this as he stared at the person in front of him, the person who he thought he had gotten rid of seven years ago. “Xiumin,” he greeted dryly, when really he wanted to be as far from the said person as possible. There were only so many possible ways a person could say _sorry, not interested_ and apparently Xiumin _still_ hasn’t gotten the idea. It wasn’t that Luhan disliked him, per se, it’s just Luhan was simply not interested and to be honest, Xiumin slightly creeped him out.

“Oh you still remember me,” Xiumin said in surprise. He kept his face stoic, even though he was dying to jump around and cheer. Luhan made no response.  “So um, how are you?” Xiumin asked hesitantly. Luhan groaned internally. He was in no mood to make small talk. His brain was hammering a staccato beat against the side of his skull. His body ached all over as if he’d been through the wringer. His throat felt like he had swallowed a knife. And to top it all off, his chest felt like an invisible hand was squeezing his ribs together.

But Luhan managed to mumble out a, “Good.” Awkward silence descended upon them, and Luhan wished Xiumin would just leave. “What are you doing here?” Luhan asked, resigned, when he realized that Xiumin was not going to leave _. Some things never change_. He mentally begged for Yixing to save him, banking on their brotherly telepathy.

Their brotherly telepathy _sucked_ , obviously.

“Um, I’m just, uh, making sure you’re alright,” Xiumin stuttered. Luhan forced the tiniest of smiles at him.  _Please just leave_ , Luhan chanted silently in his head. Then his body decided that now would be the best time to have _another_ coughing fit. “Are you ok?” Xiumin asked anxiously, hovering awkwardly by Luhan’s bedside.

“I’m fine,” Luhan managed to croak out through his process of hacking up a lung. _Please leave_ , he implored silently.

“Are you sure? Um, I can go…um…get someone?” Xiumin suggested, making the end of his comment sound like a question.

Luhan was really _not_ in the mood to deal with Xiumin right now. “I’m _fine_ ,” he snapped hoarsely.

Thankfully, Yixing chose to open the door at that moment, with a middle-aged doctor in tow. His eyebrows rose at the sight of Xiumin. “What are you doing here?” He asked in surprise.

“Oh,” Xiumin coughed nervously, “I was…um…just…seeing if Luhan was…uh…ok.” He eyed Yixing uneasily.

“I’m fine,” Luhan repeated.

“Well, only family members can be with the patient right now,” the doctor said gravely. Luhan breathed a quiet sigh of relief. _Thank god._

Xiumin shuffled his feet awkwardly, “Oh…ok…I guess…uh…I’ll be back…um…tomorrow.”

_Why won’t he leave me alone?_ Luhan wanted to scream. “That’s nice of you,” Luhan said carefully, “But I’m _fine._ ” He tried hard to emphasize that point. “And I’ll have Yixing, so it’s ok,” he added. He meant it as, _I’m fine. Please leave. Don’t come back._

“No, no, it’s fine,” Xiumin insisted, “I’ll be back. Really it’s no bother.”

Luhan wanted very much to curl up and die, thank you very much. Instead he threw Yixing a pained look. Thankfully, the doctor came to his rescue again. “Sir, you need to leave now. Visiting hours are over,” he said.

“Oh right…um…bye…Luhan…See you…um…tomorrow,” Xiumin waved. Luhan raised his right hand weakly at a pathetic attempt at a wave. The door closed behind Xiumin and Luhan actually gave a long sigh of relief.

“How are you feeling? Luhan, is it?” The doctor checked Luhan’s chart.

“Splendid,” Luhan rasped, opening his mouth for the doctor to examine.  Yixing frowned at his brother. “Horrible,” Luhan amended.

“Well that’s not surprising,” the doctor said, hearing Luhan’s breathing. “You did almost drown.”

Yixing blanched, “But he’s alright now, right?” he asked the doctor pointedly. The doctor hesitated. “What?”

“I’m going to send this to the lab for a test,” the doctor held up a cotton swab he had stuck in Luhan’s mouth, “And I’m going to sign him up for a chest x-ray just to make sure.”

“Make sure of what?” Yixing asked suspiciously.

“I think your brother has pneumonia,” the doctor announced gravely.

Yixing’s face noticeably paled, “Pneumonia?” he asked hoarsely, just to make sure. The two of them glanced at the frail body lying on the hospital bed. Luhan had fallen asleep, his deep breaths fogging the oxygen mask every time he exhaled.

The doctor sighed, “Yes, but I need to test it to make sure. This is a rather rare case, but I think he contracted pneumonia from hypothermia.”

“That’s possible?”

“It's rare, but yes, it can happen,” the doctor nodded. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get this to the lab.”

Yixing watched him go, dazed. “Lu,” he whispered, “The lengths you go to for a stupid ring.” He shot a glare at his unconscious brother. “It’s _just_ a ring, Lu, you can get another one. Your life, however, you can’t get another life. You are so stupid,” Yixing sighed. He held his brother’s limp hand and continued talking to the air. “I thought you would have more sense than that.” He paused. “But I guess love really makes us do crazy things, huh?”

* * *

Luhan opened his eyes blearily and squinted against the weak sunlight streaming in through the window. For a moment he was disoriented. _Where am I?_ He peered around groggily and then remembered. _Oh yeah, the hospital._ He yawned widely, thankfully, the oxygen mask was gone, but multiple tubes still pricked into his skin. With some difficulty, he sat up, instantly bringing a wave of dizziness. He found his brother asleep in a chair beside him. “Yixing?” he asked, voice thick and raspy with sleepiness.

Yixing jerked awake at the sound of his name. He blinked a few times before focusing on Luhan, “Gē,” he mumbled. Then he shot out of his chair, “Oh! You’re awake!” He scrambled to press the button that called the nurses. Luhan eyed him quizzically. “The doctor told me to call the nurses as soon as you’re awake.”  He informed him. “Something about taking your medication.”

Luhan’s eyebrows rose, “Medication?”

“You have pneumonia, Lu,” Yixing said softly.

Luhan blinked. “Pneumonia?” His voice took on a strange catch. Yixing frowned at him, but before he could speak, Luhan tugged urgently at his sleeve. “Yixing,” he said desperately. “Would you please go get my journal at home? It’s in a little wooden box next to my pillow. I need it.”

Yixing freed his sleeve from Luhan’s grasp, “Ok I’ll get it, but what does this have to do with you contracting pneumonia?” he asked in confusion.

“Just get it, please,” Luhan implored. “I need it.”

Yixing looked at Luhan, trying to figure out his strange request, “Ok, I’ll get it later.” He said as a nurse came walking in.

“No,” Luhan said pleadingly, “I need it immediately.” Shaking his head and muttering about how crazy his brother was, Yixing headed out the door.

“Mr. Lu,” the nurse said cheerfully as she pulled out a tray from the bed. “Glad to see you’re awake.”

“Likewise,” Luhan muttered.

“Here’s the medication that you’ll be taking,” the nurse plunked down a small cup of pills and a cup of water on the tray. Luhan glanced at it with distaste. She read Luhan’s chart and scribbled down something. “I’ll be back to check on you,” she assured as she walked out.

Luhan stared at the two cups sitting in front of him. He felt drained and tired. All he wanted to do was fall into a deep sleep. _And never wake up,_ something in his head whispered. He hesitated. It actually didn’t sound so bad. Falling asleep and never waking up. Luhan thought about the past few weeks and groaned. His head was a pounding mess. His chest ached. His entire body felt like it had been run over by a truck. But it was nothing compared to the pain in his heart. Sehun had _forgotten_ him. And even worse, Sehun had found _someone else._ And it hurt so much. _There would be no more pain,_ he realized. No more hurting. No more Sehun. _You could do it,_ something inside him urged, _leave this pain behind._ Luhan eyed the pills again. Suddenly he heard footsteps approaching the door. Making a split-second decision, he grabbed the cup of pills and dumped the pills inside his pillowcase. He then gulped down the water just as the nurse walked back in.

“Have you taken your medication yet, Mr. Lu?” She asked.

Luhan set down the water cup, “Delicious,” he announced, wiping his mouth with his hand.

The nurse frowned at him, but took the two empty cups, “Rest,” she commanded. Luhan nodded. She left him alone again.

Luhan shoved the pills he had dumped into his pillowcase under the pillow so they won’t be noticeable. _Was he really going to go through with this?_ He already knew the answer. _No more pain,_ he promised himself, _no more pain._

* * *

When Yixing finally came back with his journal, Luhan knew what he had to do. “Yixing,” Luhan began, taking the wooden box from his brother almost reverently. “Promise me something.”

Yixing looked at him. “What is it?”

“Promise me that no matter whatever happens to me, make sure you get this to Sehun,” he said softly, his voice strangely calm, gesturing to the wooden box.

Feeling a twinge of fear, Yixing tried to keep his face neutral. “Nothing’s going to happen to you, gē,” he scoffed. “You’re going to be fine.”

‘I don’t care!” Luhan said sharply, “Just promise you’ll get it to Sehun!”

“Ok!” Yixing held out his hands to placate Luhan. “I promise. “ He eyed his brother. “Is there anything wrong?” He asked cautiously.

“No,” Luhan said simply as he opened the box, “There’s nothing wrong,” he took out the journal. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to write something.” He said dismissively. Yixing threw him another worried glance. “I’m _fine_ ,” Luhan snapped. Shaking his head, Yixing left the room once more.

Luhan flipped through the journal until he hit a blank page. Once he put the date down, his hand instantly knew what to write, unscrambling the jumbled thoughts into words.

_Dear Sehun-ah,_

_I’m sorry._

_I love you._

_Goodbye._

* * *

“He’s not getting any better!” Yixing practically shrieked at the doctor. Unable to control himself, he grabbed the doctor’s collar. “You’re supposed to be the doctor! Make him better!”

“I don’t understand,” the doctor said, flustered. “He’s been taking the medication. The strain of pneumonia that he contracted isn’t deadly, to say the least. With the medication that we’ve been giving him, it should be gone by now.”

“Well he’s getting worse!” Yixing screamed, losing all control. They listened to a round of hacking sounds that emitted from Luhan’s room, proving Yixing’s point. “What kind of a doctor are you?” He raged.

“Sir, please calm down,” the doctor gasped.

“How do you expect me to calm down?” Yixing hissed. “He’s my _brother_!”

“I’m well aware of that,” the doctor said, “Maybe his body is adjusting to the medication. If that is the case, it may take some time for his body to accept it. I’ll go run some more tests.”

Unable to do anything, Yixing nodded, frustrated.

* * *

Luhan had been swimming in and out of the darkness. His mind was hazy. He was delirious with fever as his thoughts turned to Sehun.

_“Hyung!” Sehun was smiling at him._

_“What is it, Sehun-ah?”_

_“I love you!”_

Luhan smiled lethargically, “I love you too, Sehun-ah” he said aloud.

He closed his eyes and allowed the darkness to swallow him.

He welcomed it in.

_Sehun, I love you._

* * *

“Why can’t you bring him around?” Yixing seethed, glaring furiously at the doctor. It’s been four days since his brother slipped into a coma. “I thought you said it would be easy to bring him out of it. You’ve been pumping medicine into him for over three days!”

The doctor sighed as he placed his hand on the young Chinese’s shoulder, “Sometimes,” he began, his voice grave but gentle, “Those who don’t want to wake, never do.”

Yixing stared at him. “What?” he said tremblingly.

The doctor sighed again exhaustedly. It was around midnight, after all. “Everything’s fine. His heart. His brain. His entire system. They’re all working perfectly. Even the pneumonia is mostly gone. Normally, he should be awake by now. But he’s given up, Yixing.” He said regretfully. The expression on Yixing’s face told the doctor that he didn’t fully comprehend what he was saying. “The mind can be a very powerful thing,” he continued. “If someone thinks they have nothing to live to for, they give up. They stop fighting. I’ve seen many cancer patients do that. They let their disease overtake them. There are some who are perfectly capable of making a full recovery, but they don’t. Because they’ve given up.”

“ _So how do I get him better, goddamnit?!”_

The doctor looked at him. “Find what gives him hope. What keeps him going. _What he lives for._ ”

* * *

The call got to Baekhyun at around 1:30 in the morning.

“Hello?” Baekhyun mumbled sleepily.

“Baekhyun, it’s Luhan,” a trembling voice at the other end sounded.

Baekhyun sat up, all traces of sleep instantly gone. “What happened?” he asked, panicking. “He’s not…” he refused to say the word “dead.” Because Luhan isn’t. He _couldn’t_ be. There was a deep intake of breath. “Hyung!” Baekhyun said frantically. “Tell me what happened.”

“He’s not…but he is dying,” Yixing whispered.

“What? What do you mean?” Baekhyun was completely panicking now.

“He’s given up,” Yixing sobbed. “He’s not even fighting.”

Before Yixing could go on, Baekhyun knew. “Sehun.” He whispered simply. “We need to get Sehun to him. It’s the only way.”

“How are we going to do that though? Didn’t you say he lost his memories?” Yixing asked.

Baekhyun’s heart ached for his best friend lying six hundred miles away in a hospital in Beijing. “Alright then,” Baekhyun decided, “I’ll drag his sorry ass to China. Maybe that’ll jolt something through that thick skull of his.”

* * *

_“Once I get the ring, what do I do? I need to plan this! It has to be perfect! It’s Baekhyun’s birthday!” Chanyeol rambled next to him._

_Sehun rolled his eyes.”Calm down, hyung,” he said dryly, “I didn’t agree to go with you just so I can hear how nervous you are.”_

_“I’m getting married, Sehun! Married!” Chanyeol shouted._

_“No, you’re not,” Sehun was tempted to roll his eyes again._

_Chanyeol looked at him, confused. “I’m not?” He sounded like a wounded puppy._

_“Well, for one, you still haven’t gotten a ring yet,” Sehun reminded him. “And two, you haven’t proposed to Baekhyun yet. And three, Baekhyun hasn’t said yes yet because you haven't proposed because you haven't gotten a ring.”_

_“What if he says no, Sehun? What do I do?” Chanyeol was borderline hyperventilating._

_“Oh my god,” Sehun did roll his eyes then, “You think Baekhyun will say no?” he asked incredulously._

_Chanyeol slammed a hand against the steering wheel. “Yes!”_

_“Chanyeol,” Sehun said seriously, honorifics aside. “You and Baekhyun have been together for like seven years. And even before you two officially got together, the two of you have been awkwardly flirting with each other since like childhood days. You really think Baekhyun will say no after all those years? Besides, the two of you act like a married couple anyway.”_

_“Right, ok,” Chanyeol tried to get his breathing rate down to normal. “I’m just-”_

_“Stupid?” Sehun offered._

_Chanyeol glowered at him. “I was going to say nervous.”_

_Sehun shrugged, “Stupid works too.”_

_“Hey!” Chanyeol said indignantly. “That’s hyung to you!”_

_“Ok fine, you’re stupid, hyung,” Sehun said innocently, keeping his face as straight as possible._

_“You brat!” Chanyeol lifted a hand from the steering wheel to smack Sehun lightly when there was a sudden screech._

_“CHANYEOL WATCH OUT!” Sehun screamed when he saw a truck barreling towards them. Chanyeol tried to turn the car away from the truck, but he was too slow._

_CRASH!_

_Sehun felt agonizing pain slice through his head as his forehead slammed into the dashboard. Instantly, everything turned black._

_Sehun struggled against the darkness that was sucking him in._

_There’s someone…Someone who’s waiting for me. I have to go back to him._

_The darkness pulled harder. Sehun fought against it with all his might._

_No! I can’t leave him! Stop! I love him! Stop it!_

_But the darkness was too strong and Sehun felt himself slipping into its clutches._

_LUHAN!_

“LUHAN!” Sehun jolted awake, heart racing and covered in sweat. He looked around wildly, feeling like he was losing something. Some _one_. _Luhan,_ something in his brain whispered,  _where's Luhan?_ His fingers gripped his sheets tightly. He needed warm arms to hold him. He needed a voice that belonged to an angel. He needed- “Luhan,” Sehun murmured. Luhan didn’t burst into the room like he always did. Sehun was alone. Luhan was gone. He sucked in a shuddering breath. It was then that he realized he was crying, curled up into a ball in the middle of the bed with his arms around his knees. “Luhan. Luhan. Luhan,” he whimpered the name of the person who loved him. The person who, as Sehun suddenly realized, he loved. “Luhan.” The name was now a broken sob on Sehun’s lips. Overwhelmingly pain filled him as he was struck with the deepest sense of loss. He needed to get to Luhan, to find him. He  _needed_ him. His body heaving with sobs, he fumbled for his phone and called the first person in his call log. “Jongin. Jongin, where’s Luhan?” he asked desperately, not even giving Jongin a chance to mumble out a sleepy hello.

“Sehun…” Jongin muttered, still half asleep. “It’s 3:45 in the morning. Can’t it wai-“

Sehun hung up on him before he finished. He looked around frantically. “Luhan.” He pulled on some clothes haphazardly and headed out the door. He needed Luhan. It was raining, but Sehun paid it no mind. He ran desperately, with no destination in mind. He just needed to find Luhan. He can't lose him again. But somehow his feet carried him to an apartment.

Baekhyun had just fallen asleep after Yixing’s call when there was a frantic banging at his door. Chanyeol groaned. “Who’s that?” he asked blearily.

Baekhyun sighed and got out of bed. “I’ll get it,” he murmured. “This better be good!” he called. “It’s freaking _four_ in the morning!” He opened the door to reveal a drenched, shaking Sehun.

“Luhan. Luhan,” Sehun whimpered in broken sobs. “Where’s Luhan?”

Baekhyun stared at the boy in shock. The last time he had seen Sehun was over two months ago when Baekhyun had gone to pick up Luhan’s things and had let his temper out. “Sehun…?”

“Luhan,” Sehun’s glassy eyes landed on him. He looked terrified. “I lost him. The darkness. It pulled me in. He's gone. I need him. Where is he? Where’s Luhan?”

Sehun's ramblings made no sense to Baekhyun, but he figured he should get Sehun inside first. “Come in Sehun-ah, you’re going to get sick,” he said gently. He tugged on the boy’s wrist. It was ice cold. Sehun didn’t budge.

Sehun focused his gaze on Baekhyun for the first time. Something clicked inside his brain. “Baekhyun-hyung,” he whimpered. “Baekhyun-hyung, where’s Luhan?” Sehun looked ready to fall over. “Please tell me where Luhan is, Baekhyun-hyung,” Sehun pleaded, his body shuddering with sobs.

Baekhyun quickly got over his shock. “Come in,” he managed to say, “Let’s get you warmed up first. I’ll tell you where Luhan is after you’re dry.”

After Baekhyun finally managed to get Sehun changed into some of Chanyeol’s old clothes, Sehun curled up in a ball on the couch, still a shivering mess. "Luhan. I can't lose him again. The darkness. I fought so hard. But I lost."

Baekhyun set a mug of hot tea in front of him. "Sehun," he began. "What is this 'darkness' you keep talking about?"

Sehun began to sob again. "It was too strong. It pulled me in. I'm so sorry! I lost Luhan!"

Baekhyun thought hard, "Sehun," he asked hesitantly, "Does this have anything to do with the accident at all?"

Sehun nodded frantically. "The darkness was too strong. I fought. But it pulled me in. And I lost Luhan."

Sehun's sobbing tugged hard at Baekhyun's heartstrings. Sehun may look older than he really was and act like a brat at times, but Baekhyun knew he was really sensitive. Then he remembered something. Something similar had happened to Chanyeol. Baekhyun instantly knew what happened. "Sehun-ah," Baekhyun said, as gently as he could, "Did you have a nightmare?"

Sehun nodded again, sobs muffled by his arms as he buried his head in his knees. "I want Luhan. I don't want to lose him again. Where’s Luhan?” He raised his head up to look at Baekhyun. Baekhyun hesitated. Sometimes, he was really grateful that he was Byun Baekhyun and that he had Chanyeol. He really didn’t want to be the bearer of bad news. “Baekhyun-hyung,” Sehun pleaded, seemingly to get some of his sense back. “Please. Tell me where Luhan is.”

Baekhyun hesitated again, unsure of whether or not he should break the news to Sehun in this state. “He’s in China,” he finally murmured.

“Ok!” Sehun jumped up in a flash, “I need to get him. I can't lose him again.”

“Sehun,” Baekhyun said softly. “Sehun, he’s in a coma.” He looked up at Sehun, who was frozen on the spot. “Luhan’s in a coma.”


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry, Xiumin. So very sorry (you'll see why). I love Xiumin, I really really do, which is why I'm so sorry. 
> 
> Also, PREPARE FOR THE ANGST. It's coming. And it's angsty. So yeah... *hands out tissues*
> 
> But hey, there's some Baekyeol for y'all at least...
> 
>  Other than that, I got nothing. 

_I’m struggling to find you who I cannot see_   
_I’m struggling to find you who I cannot hear_   
_I see things that I couldn’t see before_   
_I hear things that I couldn’t hear before_   
_After you left me, I have grown a power that I didn’t have before_

_The selfish me who has only thought about myself_   
_The me who didn’t know your feelings and ignored it_   
_I couldn’t believe myself that I have changed this much_   
_Your love can still move me like this_

_If I just think of you, I can fill this world with you_   
_Because each snowdrop is one tear drop that belongs to you_   
_But there's just one thing that I can’t do and it’s to make you come to me_   
_I hope I don’t have this miserable power_

_The me who didn’t know how to be thankful for love_   
_The me who thought that the end was the end_   
_To the image of you who wanted me to be, I fixed myself everyday_   
_I think my love will continue on forever_

_Stopping the time, I go back to you_   
_I open this book of memories and I open up your page_   
_And in the book I’m in there, in there with you_   
_The things that I met that winter_

_I’m struggling to find you who I cannot see_   
_I’m struggling to find you who I cannot hear_

* * *

“C-coma?” Sehun’s eyes were wide. His entire body was trembling.

“Sehun,” Baekhyun said gently, unsure of what Sehun was going to do.

“I…need…I need to go…Luhan…” Sehun walked unsteadily towards the door.

“Sehun,” Baekhyun said again slowly.

“Luhan…Luhan…no…” Sehun gave no intention of having heard Baekhyun.

Baekhyun approached him cautiously. “Sehun…”

“No no no no…” Sehun was shaking his head vigorously. “No. No. _No_.”

“Sehun, listen to me,” Baekhyun commanded gently.

“No. No. Luhan. _No_.” Sehun’s breaths were coming out in quick, shallow pants.

An imminent storm was brewing, Baekhyun could feel it, and it won’t be long until it arrived.

“Sehun, please. Breathe, listen to me.” Baekhyun said calmly.

“Coma. Luhan,” Sehun said faintly.

It was then that his legs gave out on him and he collapsed to the floor.

“Sehun!” Baekhyun rushed to his side.

Sehun clung desperately to Baekhyun, “No. Luhan. No no no,” he sobbed.

“Shh, Sehun, Shh, listen to me,” Baekhyun said soothingly. He tried to get Sehun to calm down but to no avail. “Sehun, just listen to me,” he pleaded. Sehun was sobbing hysterically. “Sehun,” he tried again, but Sehun was past the point of thinking rationally. Baekhyun’s words fell on deaf ears. Baekhyun gave up and decided to let Sehun cry it out. He wrapped his arms around Sehun. Pretty soon, Sehun’s sobs slowed and exhaustion quickly set in, making Sehun fall asleep. “Aish,” Baekhyun sighed, “You two.”

“Baek?” Chanyeol stumbled in sleepily, “Why didn’t you come back?” He stopped when he saw Baekhyun on the ground, cradling a familiar face. “Is that…Sehun?” He asked in disbelief, rubbing his eyes.

“Yeol, can you help me get him in bed?” Baekhyun asked quietly. Chanyeol, without another word, quickly picked up the sleeping Sehun and brought him into the guest room. The same guest room that Luhan had inhabited a month ago.

“Baek, what’s going on?” Chanyeol asked once he had put his best friend in bed. The two of them turned to the sleeping figure. Chanyeol noticed the tear tracks on Sehun’s cheeks.

Baekhyun sighed wearily, “Sehun ran all the way here, wanting to find Luhan,” he began, “He had a nightmare about the accident, Yeol, just like the ones you got a few months back. I then told him about Luhan and I guess the news gave him a panic attack.” Baekhyun leaned over to pull the blankets over Sehun.

“Baek,” Chanyeol said softly. “Baek, you’re shaking.”  Chanyeol turned Baekhyun around and hugged him close. “What’s wrong?”

Baekhyun sucked in a shaky breath, “My best friend is in a coma because this idiot here,” he gestured to Sehun, “Remembered things too late. ‘What’s wrong?’ Do you even have to ask?”

“I’m sorry-” Chanyeol started to say.

“I’m scared, Yeol,” Baekhyun whispered. “You know how Sehun is. What if Luhan doesn’t wake up? The two of them follow each other until the end. ”

“Baek, listen to me,” Chanyeol said firmly. “Things are going to be fine. Luhan-hyung is strong, Baek, he’ll pull through. He always does.”

Baekhyun pressed his face into Chanyeol’s chest. “I’m so glad you’re still here, Yeol. I honestly don’t know what I’d do if you were like Sehun,” he admitted, voice muffled by Chanyeol’s chest. “Thank you for remembering, Yeol. Thank you for being here.”

Chanyeol’s arms tightened around Baekhyun’s small frame, “I’m always here, Baek, always will be. I’m sorry the accident happened.”

“Idiot,” Baekhyun smacked him lightly, “The accident wasn’t your fault.”

“I know, but I forgot _you,_ Baek,” Chanyeol’s voice was quiet. Regretful.

“You remembered me,” Baekhyun breathed, “That’s all that matters in the end.”

 “I’m still sorry.”

“Idiot,” Baekhyun smacked him again. “Do you remember what you and Sehun were going to do that day?” He asked curiously.

Chanyeol shook his head morosely, “I don’t. I wish I did though.”

 

“It’s alright,” Baekhyun heaved a long sigh. “Come on, let’s go to bed. We’ll deal with all this at a later time when we’re not half asleep.”

* * *

Sehun opened his eyes to an unfamiliar room. He blinked in confusion. _Where am I?_ But a familiar smell permeated his senses. Mint. A name clicked in his mind. _Luhan._ It was the scent of Luhan’s shampoo. Then he remembered. Luhan was in a coma. He scrambled frantically out of the bed and opened the door of the unfamiliar room. He walked along the hallway until he reached a living room. He scanned the area quickly until he found the door of the apartment. He was running across the living room when a voice called, “Where do you think you’re going?” Sehun turned around to find Baekhyun in the kitchen area, watching him intently. Besides him was a tall male who was vaguely familiar to Sehun, but he couldn’t come up with a name.

“To Luhan,” Sehun said. “I need to get to him. He’s in a…” He was unable to go on.

“Well you’re not going anywhere until you eat something,” Baekhyun said sternly.

“But I need to!” Sehun was pleading, “Luhan’s…He’s…” He choked. He couldn’t say the word “coma.”

Baekhyun pointed to the table. “Eat.”

“But Luhan!” Sehun said helplessly.

“You won’t be much help to Luhan when you’re starving and have no energy,” Baekhyun said reasonably. “Eat. It’ll only take you about twenty minutes or so. And then I’ll let you go to Luhan.” He pulled out a chair. “Besides, where would you go?  You have no clue where Luhan is.” He pointed out. Resigned, Sehun walked towards the table and took a seat next to the tall male. He fidgeted nervously as the tall male watched him with a scrutinizing look. Baekhyun set a bowl of rice in front of him. “Eat,” Baekhyun commanded again.

Sehun picked up his chopsticks halfheartedly and began to dig at the food in front of him. He felt conscious under the gaze of the tall male. “What?” Sehun scowled up at him.

The tall male smiled, “Chanyeol,” he said. Sehun’s brows furrowed in confusion. Chanyeol. The name sounded familiar. “Your best friend,” Chanyeol added.

"Yay, now you two are acquainted,” Baekhyun sat in the seat on the other side of Chanyeol. Sehun picked at his food. “Eat,” Baekhyun said again. Sehun scowled, but shoved food into his mouth nonetheless. Sehun ate in mostly silence, not really tasting the food as his mind was with a certain doe-eyed person. “Great, now we can talk,” Baekhyun announced when Sehun was done eating.

“Talk about what?” Sehun snapped, “I need to get to Luhan.”

“First of all,” Baekhyun said loudly, “Have you regained all your memories?”

“No I haven’t,” Sehun said impatiently.

Baekhyun looked confused, “But you remember Luhan.”

“Yes. And no.” Sehun answered.

“What?”

Sehun sighed. “I’ve been having flashbacks lately and I remember those flashbacks. But I don’t remember anything else.”

Baekhyun’s eyes narrowed, “So you’re going to rush off to China for a person that you still don’t really remember.”

“No!” Sehun cried vehemently, startling Baekhyun. “No, that’s not it!” He insisted. “I…I know that Luhan is very important to me. I know that I…love him,” he began to choke up.

Baekhyun tapped his chin with a finger, looking thoughtful, “Sehun,” he suddenly said, “What’s the last thing you remember about the accident?”

“Everything going black,” Sehun said immediately, and then he cringed. “I had a nightmare about the darkness pulling me in. I tried to fight against it because I knew Luhan was waiting for me. But it was too strong and pulled me in. And that’s the last thing I remember.”

“I see,” Baekhyun murmured, “What were your thoughts when you first woke up at the hospital? Your impression of Luhan?”

Sehun’s eyebrows crinkled, “I remember being very confused,” he recalled, “Nothing looked familiar and that scared me.” He thought hard. “My first impression of Luhan was that he was very beautiful.” A small smile appeared on his face. “I thought he looked strangely familiar and his voice sounded familiar as well. But I just couldn’t remember him. And that frustrated me so much. So I think I focused my frustration on him,” Sehun looked guilty. “I shouldn’t have done that. But it was so frustrating, because I would have my flashbacks and as soon as they came, they would disappear.”

Baekhyun nodded, “So what’s with this sudden need to get Luhan?”

“I…I don’t know,” Sehun confessed, “What I do know is that the nightmare scared me and I don’t want to experience that sense of loss again. I don’t want to lose Luhan again,” his voice cracked.

Chanyeol cleared his throat and nudged his boyfriend, “Baek, what’s with all these questions?”

“I just want to make sure,” Baekhyun said, “Make sure he’s sincere. Luhan has been hurt enough, and honestly, I don’t know how much more he can take.”

Chanyeol rolled his eyes, “Just give it to him. The kid’s dying to go to Luhan-hyung, can’t you see that?”

“Give me what?” Sehun asked hesitantly.

With a loud sigh, Baekhyun slid a piece of paper across the table towards Sehun. “Here you go. Four o’clock flight. Leaves today.”

“To China?” Sehun’s eyes were wide.

“No, to the arcade,” Baekhyun said sarcastically. Sehun didn’t say anything. Baekhyun sighed again, “What were you planning to do if I hadn’t stopped you from rushing out the door earlier? Swim to China?”

“Baekhyun-hyung,” Sehun was stuttering, “Thank you.”

“Thank me later, Sehun,” Baekhyun’s voice softened. “Bring Luhan back first and then you can thank me.”

“I will,” Sehun vowed.

 

“Go get him, Sehun, go get Luhan.”

* * *

Sehun’s fingers drummed nervously against the side of his thigh as he tried to get a glimpse of a familiar face. Baekhyun had said that Yixing, Luhan’s younger brother, would be waiting for him. Flurries of Chinese fell around him, but he didn’t understand any of it. The airport was bustling with two kinds of people, Sehun realized. One was flying back home to spend time with their families for the holiday season. The other was hurrying out of the country to spend time with their families in another country. Sehun belonged to neither one of those two categories. Sehun was going to bring his lover back. To bring his Luhan back.

“Sehun?” A voice called out his name and Sehun craned his neck toward the source of the voice. A young Chinese male was approaching him slowly.

“Yixing-hyung,” Sehun said, surprised by how easily the name slipped out of his mouth. Sehun remembered Yixing from two years ago, when Luhan had brought him to China to spend the holidays with his family.

“Did you have a nice flight?” Yixing asked gently in fluent Korean as he picked up Sehun’s suitcase, ignoring Sehun’s protests. Sehun nodded silently as Yixing guided him through the crowd. “Do you want to rest first?” Yixing asked as he flagged down a cab. “Or do you want to go straight to the hospital?” The last part was hushed. It was then that Sehun realized how tired Yixing must be and a twinge of guilt ran through him.

“Why don’t we go to the hospital first?” Sehun suggested, “And you can go home and rest while I stay with Luhan. You must be tired, hyung.”

“Sure,” Yixing nodded, “We can do that.” He tapped the cabbie on the shoulder. “Beijing Hǎidiàn Hospital, please,” he said in Chinese. “So Sehun, how’ve you been?” Yixing asked casually.

“Good, hyung,” Sehun murmured.

“Did you get your memories back?” Yixing asked gently.

“Some,” Sehun nodded. “Not all of them though. I’ve been reading journal entries that I wrote before the accident and that’s been helping.”

 

“Ah, I see,” Yixing said. The rest of the ride was in silence, but it wasn’t the awkward, stifling silence. Sehun quietly watched buildings pass by. “We’re here,” Yixing announced quietly as they came in view of a red building. He paid the cabbie and waited for Sehun to collect his things.

* * *

Xiumin slipped out of Luhan’s room. With the way things were going, it didn’t look too well for Luhan. He was about to close the door when he heard a pair of voices conversing in Korean. One he recognized to be Yixing’s, and the other was deeper but quieter. He froze and listened more closely. Because of Luhan’s seven year absence, Xiumin have been quietly learning Korean with the intent of going to Korea to find Luhan. He heard snatches of “Luhan,” and “Coma” and a tiny, muffled gasp. Suddenly Xiumin found himself face to face with Yixing’s surprised face and a tall blonde guy who looked like he was permanently scowling. He was handsome, Xiumin would give him that, and he looked a little bit like Luhan. Xiumin felt rather intimidated by the guy.

“Who are you?” The tall blonde guy asked in Korean.

At the same time, Yixing asked in Chinese, “What are you doing here?”

Xiumin didn’t know what prompted him or what the hell he was thinking, but he immediately blurted out “Luhan’s boyfriend,” in Korean.

Sehun felt something in him break as he heard the words. “Luhan’s boyfriend.”

“What?” He said, strangely quiet, not trusting his voice. His head felt detached from the rest of his body. All he could think was _Luhan’s boyfriend._ _Luhan has a boyfriend? Then…what am I? Am I too late?_ “What?” he asked again, dazed.

Xiumin honestly didn’t know what came over him, but he was struck with a possessive need to declare that Luhan was _his_. He figured, that after the seven years, he was entitled to and he didn’t like the way the tall blonde (who had a look of utter devastation) was looking at him. Xiumin didn’t know what the tall blonde’s connection was to Luhan, but whatever it was, he didn’t like it. He didn’t like competition. He drew himself up, “I’m Luhan’s boyfriend.”

“ _Excuse me?”_ A voice snarled in disbelief. Both Sehun and Xiumin jumped in surprise at the vehemence in Yixing’s voice. “What the actual fuck?” Yixing spat, glaring furiously at Xiumin. “Are you fucking _kidding_ me? Are you absolutely shitting me right now, you little fuck? How _dare_ you, you shithead. You are fucking messed up, you are so full of bullshit. You fucking _liar,_ ” Yixing paused in his rant of cuss words to suck in a much-needed breath.

To say that Sehun was beyond shocked would be an understatement.

Yixing was normally reserved and rarely cursed, if at all. But Yixing’s cursing was not what snapped Sehun out of his dazed state. It was the last thing Yixing said. Sehun moved forward as Xiumin backed away from him slowly. “You’re not actually Luhan’s boyfriend, are you?” Sehun asked quietly, his voice dangerously low.

 Xiumin felt his back hit the wall and the tall blonde was still advancing on him. He gulped nervously, wishing he could take back all he said. But apparently his mouth had a mind of its own as he retorted, “Of course I am!”

“ _YOU FUCKING BASTARD!”_ Yixing roared, somewhere behind the tall blonde, making Xiumin flinch.

“No, you’re not,” Sehun said confidently. “Because I _am._ ” He eyed Xiumin as if he was the kind of scum one would find on the bottom of a shoe. Xiumin was actually starting to fear for his life. “I am Luhan’s boyfriend.” Sehun may have lost his memories, but he was sure of one thing. Luhan was _his._ And his only. He gave Xiumin another contemptuous look before backing off of him.

“Wh-what?” Xiumin croaked. He didn’t move away from the wall, feeling like he was going to collapse if he did. The thought that Luhan actually had a boyfriend was news to him.

Yixing stepped forward, “This is Oh Sehun,” he said coldly, gesturing to the tall blonde. “He’s been Luhan’s boyfriend for over seven years. So stop fucking living in that fucking pathetic dream of yours that one day Luhan will ever like you, because he _won’t_. That will never fucking happen,” he snarled. “Luhan will _never_ like you, you little shit. Get that through that idiot skull of yours. Luhan _loves_ Sehun,” Yixing sneered at him. “You’re so fucking pathetic. So pathetic that you have to _lie_ about having someone who would actually _like_ you.”

“I…I…” Xiumin was dazed. Part of him wanted to apologize and part of him wanted to run away. But he couldn’t talk.

“I suggest you leave,” Yixing’s voice was frigid. “And don’t ever come close to Luhan ever again.”

Without another word, Xiumin left them hurriedly.

“Yixing-hyung,” Sehun said quietly, “Who was that?”

Yixing sighed, “He’s been after Luhan ever since high school. Luhan has always been rejecting him kindly, but he never takes ‘no’ for an answer. Either that or he can’t take a hint.” Yixing explained. He gestured towards the open door. “Are you ready to see Luhan?” He asked gently, “He’s in there.” Sehun swallowed hard, but he nodded firmly. He walked into the room timidly. He expected to see Luhan hooked up to various machines. He expected to see Luhan’s still body. But he wasn’t prepared for it. The reality of the situation caught up to him when he saw Luhan looking so tiny and fragile lying motionless on the hospital bed. Luhan was in a _coma._ There was a chance that he would never wake up.

Tears were rolling down his cheeks as he stumbled toward his lover. “This is all my fault,” he choked out, “I’m so sorry.”

“Nonsense,” Yixing scoffed gently, “None of this is your fault, Sehun. No one could’ve predicted that this would happen.”

“It’s my fault,” Sehun sobbed. “I should…I should have remembered sooner. I shouldn’t have…kicked him out…I’m so sorry.”

“Sehun,” Yixing said softly, “It’s not your fault that you got into this accident. It’s not your fault that you lost your memories. It’s not your fault that Luhan’s in a coma. Do you understand me?”

“But still,” Sehun whispered brokenly, “If only I regained my memories earlier, none of this would happen.”

Yixing patted Sehun gently, “What’s happened, happened, we can’t change that. The best thing we can do right now is wait and see how things turn out. We can’t do much if we choose to focus on ‘What ifs’ or ‘I should’ves.’ Ok?” Sehun nodded silently.

“You should…go rest Yixing-hyung,” Sehun murmured, wiping away his tears. “Go take a nap. I’ll be fine.”

“A nap does sound nice,” Yixing said wistfully.

“Go rest, hyung,” Sehun insisted quietly. “Don’t worry about me.”

“Alright, alright,” Yixing gave in. “Oh before I forget though,” he picked up a small, wooden box from the bedside table. “Luhan wanted you to have this,” he told Sehun quietly. “He told me ‘whatever happens to me, get this to Sehun.’” He handed the box carefully to Sehun. “I don’t know what’s in it, or why it’s so important to him, but apparently you needed to have it,” Yixing shrugged. Sehun was speechless. It was the same box his journal was stored in. “Alright then, I’m going to go take a nap. Are you sure you’re going to be fine?” he asked, just to make sure. Sehun nodded again. “Ok, you do have my phone number right?” Yixing said anxiously. Sehun nodded. “Call me if anything happens,” he ordered before leaving the room.

Sehun was all alone with Luhan.

 

He settled into the chair by Luhan’s bedside. “Hi Lulu,” he said softly, his voice was trembling from unshed tears. “I’m back.” He took Luhan’s limp hand in his. Luhan’s hand was cold so Sehun held it between his two hands, trying to warm it back up. “I’m sorry it took me so long,” Sehun murmured. He played with Luhan’s slender, cool fingers. “I still haven’t gotten all my memories back yet. But I do remember this,” Sehun pressed their two hands together and curled his fingers around Luhan’s hand. “I remember our hands fitting together perfectly,” a tear slipped from his eye and dropped silently onto their joined hands. “I’m so sorry,” Sehun said in a hushed whisper. “I was such an idiot. I’m so sorry.” Tears were falling freely from Sehun’s eyes and rained down in tiny rivulets onto their hands. “I’m so sorry,” Sehun repeated, choking up. “I’m so sorry, Lulu.” He gripped their joined hands tighter and pressed his lips to Luhan’s hand. “I love you, Luhan. I really do,” he breathed against Luhan’s hand. “So please come back,” he pleaded, “Come back to me. I love you.”

* * *

Darkness.

Luhan was surrounded by darkness.

He couldn’t see a thing and his body felt strangely weightless.  He wasn’t sure if he was falling or flying. He had no sense of where his body ended and the darkness began.

_Lulu,_ a voice whispered.

It was familiar. Luhan clung to it.

_I’m so sorry._

The voice said more things, but Luhan couldn’t make anything out of it. It sounded strange. Like Luhan was at the bottom of a pool and there was someone above the water, talking to him.

_Come back._

Luhan’s grip was slipping.

_I love you._

 

And that was the last thing Luhan could make out before he lost his grip and darkness enveloped him once more.

* * *

After Sehun had exhausted his tears, he turned his attention to the little, wooden box that Yixing had given him. It was identical to his own. With shaking fingers, he thumbed open the latch. Inside was a leather-bound journal that looked the same as his journal. The only thing that was different was the name embossed on the cover. He traced Luhan’s name before opening the journal.

_2011 December 25,_

_Dear Sehun-ah,_

_Really? You got me a journal for Christmas? Seriously? Writing in journals is not my thing, Sehun-ah, it’s yours. Just like art is my thing, not yours. But fine, I’ll humor you. You gave me this journal and told me to write down my memories. I honestly don’t know what I’m supposed to be writing though, you already record everything down in your own journal. And to tell the truth, I don’t know why I’m addressing you, but I guess I will feel less stupid if I pretend I’m talking to you instead of the typical “Dear Diary.” You’re sleeping now (it is past eleven) and my fingers are inching for my pencils so that I can draw you. I made do with a rough sketch though._

There was indeed a sketching of a sleeping Sehun. Sehun smiled and read on.

_See, this is the reason why I prefer my pencils and brushes over writing things down. You look so peaceful, Sehun-ah. I love you, did you know that? I hope you enjoyed Christmas this year. My family was ecstatic to meet you. I’ve been telling them so much about you. And I think Yixing has taken a liking to you; he keeps referring to you as his “little brother.” So I guess our relationship is approved by my family then. But even if they disapprove, I will still be with you, Sehun-ah. Because I love you. I love you so much._

_It’s getting late, I should_

Whatever Luhan had been planning to write was blocked by a large blot of ink as if Luhan had suddenly dropped his pen and it bled onto the paper. There was a sentence after the ink blot.

 

_Forever loving you,_

_Luhan_

_(Ok, fine. I’ll admit, this little part was added by me on the 26 th because I fell asleep, ok? No laughing!)_

Sehun’s lips quirked up at the thought of Luhan falling asleep when writing. He turned the page.

 

_2013 May 2,_

_Dear Sehun-ah,_

_First of all, I know it’s been like two years since I last wrote in this thing (I’m sorry). I had to dig this up from who-knows-where. But I managed to find it. And here I am. You may be wondering why I chose to write again after a two-year absence. Well today, you and Chanyeol were going out to do something. The two of you were being so secretive about whatever it is you’re planning to do and it made Baek and me crazy! But anyway, at 4:34 in the afternoon, I got a call. From the police._

Here the writing was considerably shakier than the previous entry.

 

_They said that you and Chanyeol had gotten into a bad accident and that I needed to get to the hospital immediately. Do you know how scared I was, Sehun-ah? My mind started coming up with horrible scenarios in which you were gone. Baek cried the entire time you two were in the operating room because of some minor brain swelling. And I wanted to cry as well. I wanted to scream and cry and say that things weren’t fair. I was so terrified. Terrified of losing you. But I had to force myself to remain calm, to think positive thoughts, to imagine that you’ll be fine and things will return to normal in the next twenty-four hours. But life doesn’t happen that way. You were fine, but the doctors told us that you and Chanyeol will have some memory loss due to head trauma. I remember being completely devastated by the doctors' words._

_Memories were very important to you, I know that. You always liked to write down things, Sehun-ah, your favorite thing to do was record down daily events, special memories, etc. According to you, you didn't want to "forget a thing." You wanted to remember every little thing, no matter of how little significance they hold. "If I forget, hyung," you would say, "Remind me. Don't ever let me forget. I don't want to forget." You went by the motto, "Memories are life."_

_I would laugh and ask "But isn't reliving memories kind of like living in the past?"_

_"No hyung," you would reply, so seriously. "Memories help us enjoy the little things. Memories allow you to relive whatever moment you want. Memories are important."_

_So I decided I will write down daily accounts of what happened after the accident until the day you come back to me. So you won’t forget._ _I won't let you forget, Sehun-ah, because you hated forgetting._ _This whole accident thing is something that I would love to forget as soon as possible, but I know you would not approve. So I’ll write for you until the day you regain your memories, ok? When that day comes, I’ll give you this journal. I'm trying so hard not to cry. I'm trying to stay strong for you, Sehun-ah. I love and always will love you. Come back to me quickly, ok? I’ll wait patiently for you, no matter how long it takes._

_Forever loving you,_

_Luhan_

Sehun sucked in a shaky breath. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered to the still figure. He slowly turned the page and read on.

 

_2013 May 3,_

_Dear Sehun-ah,_

_You finally woke up today! I’m overjoyed. Baek and I stayed the night at the hospital. Chanyeol woke up before you and reduced poor Baek to tears. When you woke up, the first thing you said was “Who the hell are you people?” When I heard that, I wanted to cry as well. But I forced myself not to. After all, I have to be strong for you. I introduced myself and told you your name. You were so confused, Sehun-ah. And it hurt so much when you looked at me with distrust. But I’m a patient person. And I’m optimistic. The doctors told us your memories will come back sooner or later. So I will wait. No matter how long it will take you, I will wait. So hurry back, Sehun-ah, hurry back to me. I miss you already._

_Forever loving you,_

_Luhan_

Sehun hadn’t realized he was crying yet again until a soft voice pulled him out of his daze. “Hey, what’s wrong?” Yixing said softly.

“N-nothing,” Sehun stuttered, quickly closing Luhan’s journal.

Yixing looked disbelieving, but didn’t press on the matter, “Well how much you and I switch? You go rest and I’ll look over Luhan.”

“No, I’m fine,” Sehun murmured.

“Sehun, it’s almost midnight,” Yixing pointed out. “Come on, I’ll take you to my place.”

“Hyung, it’s fine,” Sehun tried to argue.

“Come on,” Yixing’s voice was firm. “Luhan won’t be going anywhere,” he assured Sehun. “You better get some rest.”

“I’m fine,” Sehun insisted, not wanting to leave Luhan’s side.

“Sehun, there are doctors within two feet of this room and they’re keeping a careful watch on Luhan at all times. It’s ok to leave him for a few hours. It won’t do the two of you much good if you’re ready to keel over.” Yixing told him.

Giving in, Sehun sighed. “I love you,” he whispered, pressing a soft kiss to Luhan’s hand, which had warmed up in Sehun’s hold. “I’ll be back,” he promised as he allowed himself to be led away by Yixing.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

 

_2013 May 12,_

_Dear Sehun-ah,_

_You’ve been holed up in ~~our~~ your room ever since the hospital released you five days ago. I understand how confusing things must be for you so that’s why I left you alone. But I wish you would talk to me. I am grateful that you have decided to trust me and come home with me at least. The apartment feels too quiet. If you need me to, I can clarify things for you, Sehun-ah. It’ll be nice to hear your voice for once. The doctors told me that regaining your memories is a rather slow process, which can take up to several months. That’s fine, Sehun-ah, take as long as you need, just come back to me ok?_

_Well…Let’s see what happened today…_

_I met a new client. She was very nice, very friendly. You would’ve loved to talk with her, Sehun-ah. She’s the kind of person who would fascinate you with stories (which you’ll later write down because they’re just that intriguing). Well guess what she commissioned me! A squirrel! Can you believe that? I gathered a rather interesting story for you. Apparently her husband loved feeding squirrels at the park and this particular squirrel always greeted him whenever he came to visit the park. For five years, her husband fed this squirrel. Well sadly, her husband passed away due to a heart attack. So instead of asking me to draw her husband, this lady asked me to draw a squirrel in remembrance of her husband. Isn’t that sweet?_

_Stories like these always make me smile. And you loved these stories as well. You could listen to me chatter on about my clients’ stories for forever (well to think of it, you could listen to me talk about anything for forever) and you would listen so patiently, never getting tired of hearing me talk. Then you would record those little snippets into your journal to be saved “in case you need to be struck with inspiration.” I wonder how your manuscript’s been going. Speaking of that, your editor, Joonmyun, called, asking about it. I told him about what had happened to you and he’s willing to extend the deadline. He’s giving you another year to finish. So hopefully you’ll be fine by then._

_Well that’s all I have for today._

_Forever loving you,_

_Luhan_

* * *

 

_2013 August 16,_

_Dear Sehun-ah,_

_It’s been over three months since your accident and nothing’s really changed. Chanyeol, on the other hand, has been improving greatly. He remembers Baek. He remembers his family. And he’s even starting to remember the little moments that he and Baek had. You’ve been having flashbacks, but I guess they aren’t triggering anything. The only use of the flashbacks seemed to be just making your irritability increase. I hope I don’t bother you too much. You need your peace and quiet, I understand that. But the silence is killing me. It feels like I’m living by myself. The two of us would meet briefly in the mornings for breakfast, exchanging a few words. And then you would retreat back into the room and I’ll surround myself with my work. Sometimes I’ll go to my studio just to get away from the loneliness. I’m so used to seeing you pretty much every minute of the day, talking to you about the most random things ever. I miss those things, those moments with you. I miss you so much it hurts. The two of us are practically strangers and you treat me like a stranger. It must be disconcerting for you, losing all your memories and then coming to an unfamiliar place where there is an unfamiliar face. And I’ve never felt so helpless, watching you while you struggle to make sense of everything and I am unable to help you. Alright, enough of this, I should be talking about happier things._

_Like how today I finally managed to get you out. We went for bubble tea, like we always do. I got you chocolate and me taro. Just like the old times. I think you had another flashback in the tea shop, since afterwards you grew moody and so I suggested going home. On the way, I couldn’t help myself and took your hand. You were so shocked and I’m sorry for that. I need to remember to take things slow. But I just miss you so much. I miss your voice. I miss your touch. I miss you, Sehun-ah. Please come back to me._

_Forever loving you,_

 

_Luhan_

* * *

_2013 October 7,_

 

_Dear Sehun-ah,_

_I wish you would tell me what’s going on. These past few days, you’ve been going to the local bar and coming home drunk. If trying to remember things is too overwhelming for you, just tell me. I wish you wouldn’t turn to alcohol. It seems to me that you are trying to forget rather than remember. You haven’t taken your medication in weeks now. Please just tell me what’s going on. Am I making you uncomfortable? Am I overwhelming you? I’m so scared, Sehun-ah. I’m scared that you’ll never come back to me. I’m scared that when you do come back, you wouldn’t want me anymore. Baek tells me that maybe I should move on. But I don’t want to. I don’t want to give up on you. I can’t. I love you too much. But if you don’t want me anymore, I’ll let you go. Just tell me what is it that you want. Do you want me to leave? Do you want to remember us at all? Do you even want to remember? I mean, if you want to start anew, as a completely new person, beginning a completely new life, you can. As much as it hurts me, it doesn’t matter since all I want is for you to be happy. Just talk to me, Sehun-ah. But I’ll continue loving you even if you don’t want me._

_Forever loving you,_

_Luhan_

* * *

_2013 October 15,_

_Dear Sehun-ah,_

_Well I guess I got my answer from you then. Today, you told me to leave the apartment. I’m sorry, I never realized I was overwhelming you. I thought everything was fine, well maybe not fine, but I thought I didn’t bother you that much. After all, you and I barely see each other, let alone talk. It hurts, Sehun-ah, it hurts so much. But whatever it takes to make you happy, I’ll do it. I’ll keep writing in this journal for you. And I’ll keep staying strong. I’m staying over at Baek’s now (at Baek’s insistence). Chanyeol misses you, by the way. He asks about you occasionally. I told him that your memories aren’t back yet._

_Maybe all you need is some time alone. If that’s what it takes, then I’ll wait. I’m not giving up on you, Sehun-ah, I’m not._

_I love you,_

_Luhan_

Sehun closed Luhan’s journal gently, tears streaming down his cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Luhan-hyung,” he said aloud. People on the street shot him weird looks, but Sehun didn’t mind. He paced restlessly in front of the hospital doors, glancing occasionally at the doors. Yixing-hyung had practically shoved him out the door, forcing Sehun to give up his place next to Luhan. “It’s my turn now to look after Luhan,” he had argued. “Go get something to eat. There’s a nice place across the street. ”

Sehun didn’t feel like eating anything, so he sat himself down on a bench again and flipped through Luhan’s journal once more. 

* * *

Yixing sighed and took his brother’s still hand. The seat was still warm from when Sehun had occupied it. “Gēgē,” he began, addressing Luhan’s peacefully sleeping face. “Gē, did you know Sehun’s back? Sehun. _Your_ Sehun. You love him very much. And he loves you very much,” Yixing paused to take in a breath. “Sehun’s _here_. So you need to come back. You need to come back to me. You need to come back to him, to _Sehun._ Please, Lu,” he pleaded. “Come back.”

* * *

_Gēgē,_ a voice whispered out of the darkness.

Luhan strained against the darkness, struggling to see something, someone, _anything._ But he couldn’t move.

_Gē_ , the voice called again.

A name registered in Luhan’s mind. _Yi…Xing…?_ His lips couldn’t move to form the name.

_Did you know Sehun’s back?_ Yixing asked.

Luhan frowned. _Se…Hun…_ He sounded the name out in his mind. It was familiar. Very familiar.

_Sehun. Your Sehun._ Luhan heard Yixing say.

An image of blonde-haired person came to Luhan’s mind. Sehun. _Sehun._

_Sehun’s here._

_Sehun? He’s here?_ Luhan felt something within him. Hope. But then Luhan saw a certain image. A dark-haired guy. Jongin. The hope inside Luhan vanished instantly when Jongin leaned toward Sehun and kissed him.

_Come back to Sehun,_ Yixing seemed to be pleading.

But Luhan squeezed his eyes shut and slowly let go of Yixing’s voice.

_Please Lu,_ Yixing whispered, his voice getting fainter. _Come back._

 

_Why should I?_ Luhan asked silently as he sank further into the clutches of the darkness. _Sehun doesn’t remember me. He doesn’t want me anyway._

* * *

 

_2013 November 6,_

_Dear Sehun-ah,_

_I wonder how you’re doing. I haven’t seen you in almost a month. I miss you. Do you miss me? Probably not. But it’s ok. Take your time. I’ll wait._

_I’ve been throwing myself into my work lately, and never have I had so many clients before. Today I almost refused a client. You know that never happens. I never turn away a client. But I did end up taking her offer. Baek is worried about me. He thinks I’m over exhausting myself. He may be right, but my art is all I have now.  It calms me down. It helps me keep my peace of mind. Tonight, I accidentally drew you and Baek got angry at me. He’s mad at you, by the way. He’s forcing me to go out for a drink tomorrow night. I’m really not feeling up to it, but Baek insisted. And you know how pushy Baekhyun is._

_Well that’s all I have for today. Maybe tomorrow, I’ll have an interesting story to tell from my new client._

_Love you,_

_Luhan_

* * *

 

_2013 November 7,_

_Dear Sehun-ah,_

_Remember my new client that I told you about yesterday? Well I met with her today and she’s the nicest little lady ever. Her husband just passed away, yet she’s still smiling. She’s so strong. I admire her for that. She noticed my paintings of you scattered around my studio and she asked me. I told her about you. About us. About the day the two of us met. The day we got together. And the date of your accident. She told me that it’s ok to cry once in a while. But I can’t. I think that if I start crying, I’ll never stop. And crying would mean me giving up on you. And I’m not giving up on you. I just miss you. A lot. Just wondering, do you ever think about me? At all? I spend every minute thinking about you. So much, I think it’s getting obsessive. But it’s all I have. The memories. They’re all I have to hold onto. And so I’m holding onto them._

_Tonight when Baek and I went for drinks, I saw Minseok for the first time in the longest time. He asked about us singing and Baek, being Byun Baekhyun, agreed immediately. So it’s been decided, Baek and I are performing at Minseok’s next week. How I wish you’re with me..._

_I love you, Sehun, I never stopped. And I never will._

_Luhan_

* * *

_2013 November 14,_

_Dear Sehun-ah,_

_Today was our mini “concert.” Honestly I hate it when Baek decides things for me and this was one of them. I didn’t feel like singing anything, but Baek made me. I really wished you were there tonight, Sehun. You would always beg me to stop my work and sing for you. Even if I sang in Chinese, you didn’t mind. You said it was because you liked hearing my voice. Remember that song that I wrote? The one I sang when you had your nightmare? Well I translated it into Korean. I wished you would’ve been there to hear it. The song says everything that I need you to hear, to know. But it’s ok. When you come back to me, I’ll sing it for you again._

_Forever loving you,_

_Luhan_

* * *

 

_2013 November 18,_

_Dear Sehun,_

Sehun noticed it was addressed "Sehun," and not Luhan's usual "Sehun-ah." His brow furrowed. He had a feeling of dread. 

_These past few days, Baek had been feeling the party mood and we’ve been out clubbing every night. Tonight, though, something happened. Baek had ditched me to go dancing (as usual) and I hung around the bar._

 

Here the words were smeared with multiple tear stains. There was an unpleasant feeling in Sehun’s stomach as he read on.

 

_I…I saw you…and…Jongin… And the two of you…were…kissing… I…I’m ok…I told you before that if you…didn’t want me anymore…I’ll let you go… So I’ll let you go…_

_Jongin has liked you since forever, did you know that? He confessed to me once when I was waiting for you after one of your dance practices. And after that confession, he told you, but you rejected him. Jongin did tell me that he won’t actively pursue you until you go after him. So it’s…your choice... I respect it. I hope you’re happy with him. I hope you’re happy. That’s all I want for you. I want you to be happy. If I wasn’t the one for you, so be it. As long as you’re happy, I’ll be fine._

_But it hurts._

_It hurts so much. It hurts to fall this far down. It hurts to see you…with…him…_

_Well I guess…This is it_ _…_ _We’re over…_

_But I’ll always love you._

_Though it may not always be me, for me, it’ll always be you, Sehun. Always._

_Luhan_

“No no no,” Sehun whimpered. “There was a misunderstanding, Luhan!” He told the still figure desperately. “Please wake up,” he pleaded. “Please. I need you. I love you. It’s you, Luhan, it’ll always be you. Please wake up.” Sehun squeezed Luhan's hand. “Please.” His voice cracked. “I love you.”

But Luhan didn’t open his eyes.

* * *

 

_2013 November 27,_

_Dear Sehun,_

_I honestly don’t know why I’m still writing in this thing. Maybe it’s because this is the only way I can pretend, at least, that I’m talking to you._

_Or maybe I’m just going crazy._

_Remember how I said I was fine? I lied. I’m not fine. I’m nowhere near “fine.” I’m spending days in bed hating Jongin, hating myself, trying to hate you. But I could never hate you. I cry these days. It’s surprising how much tears a person can hold. Even when I think I’m all cried out, the tears still manage to come. I can’t let you go. I tried so hard to. But I can’t. You know I came across a quote somewhere, which goes like this “If you love and get hurt, love more. If you love more and get hurt more, love even more. If you love even more and get hurt even more, love some more until it hurts no more.” I guess this is what I’ve been doing. But it will never stop hurting, I know that. I just love you too much to let you go. They say that if you love something, you should let it go. But I can’t. I just can’t._

_Baek managed to drag me out today and I…saw you and Jongin…together. You looked…happy… I’m…glad that…Jongin is able to do something I’m not… So I guess, I’ll have to…thank him for that…_

_I’m going back to China. I need to get away from things. I can’t stand living in Seoul any longer. Baek asks me if I’m coming back and I told him yes. He thinks I’m going to China for a little vacation. But the truth is, I’m not coming back. I just-never mind. I told Yixing I’m coming home. But the truth is, you’re my home. Wherever you are, that’s my home. So I’m going to China. Maybe this is my way of letting you go. I don’t know. But I guess this is goodbye then._

_Goodbye Sehun. I wish you the best._

_I love you,_

_Luhan_

* * *

It was nearly Christmas and Luhan had been in his coma for almost three weeks now. Sehun had been in China for a week and he was getting desperate. Every morning, he would firmly plant himself in the chair next to Luhan and wouldn’t budge from it until Yixing literally pulled him away. Sehun was starting to lose hope. It seemed unlikely that Luhan will ever wake up despite doctors’ reassurances that Luhan is perfectly healthy, that his conditions are absolutely stable, unlike other comatose patients. They said that Luhan is going to wake up any day now. But Sehun is starting to think that the doctors are lying to him. That Luhan will never wake up. And the thought of that frightened Sehun so much that he forced it out of his mind completely. 

Luhan _will_ wake up _._ Sehun told himself fiercely. Luhan _will_ come back _._

* * *

Sehun sighed and held Luhan’s hand while he flipped through Luhan’s journal with his other hand. He had one more entry to read. Luhan’s last one.

 

_2013 December 4_

_Dear Sehun,_

_How are you? Are you happy? I hope you are, because it’s all I want for you. Your happiness means so much to me. I want you to be happy with your life. I’ll admit, a part of me wishes I can be part of that life. But I can’t. And it’s pretty obvious you don’t want me in it anyway. I’m not angry, Sehun-ah, I never was. Knowing that you’re happy is all I need._

_I’ve been thinking about you lately, which is no different from every day. How are things with Jongin? You know, he’s been in love with you even before the two of us met. Treat him well. Love him well. I guess the two of us weren’t meant to be. Don’t think this is your fault, Sehun-ah, it’s not. Our time together was the best of my life. But that had to end. All good things do. It had to end in order to let a new chapter begin. I am simply not part of that new chapter. Jongin is. I hope he makes you happy, Sehun. I can't be selfish. If you love Jongin and want to move on from me, I'm letting you. I don't want to be the one to tie you down when you don't want to be. And I know that Jongin loves you too so I need to let you go. As much as I want to be the selfish one, as much as I want to keep you for myself, I can't. I want to be selfish. I want to go march up to Jongin and declare that you're mine. But I can't do that. That's not fair to you or Jongin._

_All I'm asking of you is that you go ahead and you read this letter. And you smile. And you move on. And maybe, someday, you might even remember me. When that happens, just smile at the happy times we had together and the memories we made. But don't dwell on them. Move forward with your life, Sehun. Don't let the past drag you back._

_Don’t worry about me. By the time this letter reaches your hands, I will be resting peacefully. I want this. It'll be a peaceful death. A quiet one. A painless one. This is my way of letting you go, Sehun-ah. I couldn't think of any other way to let you go._

_Maybe in another life, the two of us will meet and love each other once more. And maybe in another life, we’ll last._

_If it's meant to be, it will be._

_I’m glad, Sehun-ah. I’m glad that I got to meet you, Oh Sehun. I’m glad you gave me a chance to love you._

_You know that day on September 14 th of 2006, that day I met you, after our meeting, when I went home, I couldn't stop smiling. I couldn't stop thinking of you. And on April 16th of 2008, when you confessed to me, I was ecstatic. I had actually been planning to confess to you, but I wasn't sure of how or what your feelings were like. But then you went right ahead and confessed to me and disrupted my entire plan. I'm glad you did though; I probably would not have the confidence to do that. _

_But the reason why I'm bringing up all those dates is that I want to tell you that f_ _rom the day we met, you took my heart_ _, Sehun-ah, ever since then, it has always belonged to you._

_Y_ _ou are my entire world._ _You are everything I could ask for. You are my wishes, my dreams come true. You've made me happier far more than anyone else could or have. You’ve given me a lifetime’s worth of happiness and love and I can’t thank you enough for that. Thank you for giving me the best seven years of my life. Thank you for loving me, Sehun. Thank you for letting me love you._

_There are too many things I want to say. Too many things to write down. This little journal will never contain all of it. So I'll settle for the simple things. The important ones._

_I love you so much._

_I love you. I love you. I love you. I can say that a million times and it will never equal to the amount of love I have for you. It won't even come close to it._

_I love you. I always will. I wish you joy. I wish you love._

_Goodbye Sehun-ah. Live a long, happy life._

_I love you. I love you so much. Never forget that. Never forget that I love you._

_Forever loving you,_

_Luhan_

 

Sehun was sobbing when he finished the letter. “Luhan. Luhan,” he shook Luhan gently, Luhan’s name leaving his lips in soft whimpers. “Please,” he begged, “Come back. Come back to me. Please wake up,” he sobbed. “Luhan. I need you. Please. Please. Luhan. I need you. Luhan. I’m here, Luhan,” Sehun buried his head into Luhan’s chest, crying desperately. “Just please. Wake up. Come back to me. I love you. Please.” Permutations of “I love you” and “Wake up,” and “Come back to me,” spilled forth from Sehun’s lips. “Luhan,” Sehun pleaded. “Please, please please. I love you. Please.”

 

If only Sehun had lifted his head, he might have noticed that one of Luhan’s fingers twitched.

* * *

_Luhan. Luhan,_ someone was calling his name.

Luhan strained to hear.

_Please._ The voice begged in a heartbroken tone.

_Sehun,_ Luhan thought faintly. _Sehun, is that you?_

_Come back. Come back to me. Please wake up,_ the voice keened desperately.

Luhan struggled against the darkness. _Sehun._ Sehun was crying. _Why was he crying?_

_I need you. Luhan. I’m here. Please. Wake up,_ Sehun called out to him.

_Sehun,_ Luhan thought dazedly.

_Please. Come back._

Luhan started to tune him out and delved further into the darkness, because the last time he remembered, Sehun was not there. Sehun didn't remember him. Sehun didn’t want him, he had Jongin. But Sehun’s next words made him pause.

_I love you. Please. Please. Luhan. Come back to me. I love you._

Somewhere in the darkness, somewhere for the first time, Luhan began to fight. 


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About this chapter: yes, I've decided to bring Xiumin back. And yes, I made him the bad guy.  
> BUT SOMETHING GOOD HAPPENS AT THE END OF THE CHAPTER!   
> That got your attention, didn't it?  
> Haha, well then, enjoy! 

Sehun hated hospitals. He hated the nurses who would come in to take care of Luhan. He hated the sympathetic looks people gave him. And he especially hated the doctors who hid behind their lies with bright, cheerful smiles. He watched, stony-faced and arms crossed, as the doctors talked to Yixing-hyung. He would listen to the fast Mandarin floating through the air as the doctors updated them on Luhan’s condition and then he would force a pained smile and nod as they patted his shoulder, smiling sickly sweet smiles. And Sehun hated all of that. But most of all, Sehun hated the fact that he couldn’t do _anything._ All he could do was to sit and wait. And so he did. He sat in the chair by Luhan’s bed and held onto Luhan’s hand and talked to him. He talked about his memories. His memories of the two of them. There were some he was pretty sure he created, but he didn’t care. He talked about how sorry he was. He talked until his mouth was dry and his voice was hoarse.

And even then, he didn’t stop talking.

* * *

“Mother,” Yixing sighed into the phone.

“What you mean by that tone?” His mother huffed, annoyed.

“What I mean is that you’ve been calling me everyday just to ‘check up on me,’” Yixing groaned.

“What’s wrong with wanting to check up on my sons?” His mother exclaimed, sounding insulted.

“Nothing! It’s just that-you called yesterday!” Yixing spluttered.

“I’m calling because it’s almost Christmas-”

“I know, you said that yesterday,” Yixing sighed, interrupting her.

“Well the two of you haven’t given any sort of response yet!” His mother countered. “Your father and I want you both to come home and spend time with the family. We rarely see you boys anymore. And speaking of that, where has Luhan been in the past three weeks? He hasn’t been answering his phone. No calls, no messages, no texts! Nothing! I haven’t heard from him at all! That is not the way I raised my sons!”

Yixing mentally cursed. He knew sooner or later his mother would get suspicious of Luhan’s whereabouts. He had really been hoping for “later,” but it seems that luck was not on his side. Now the question was how to convince her that Luhan was fine and most definitely _not_ in a coma. “Well his art thing has really picked up,” Yixing said mildly, “So he’s pretty busy right now.”

“He should at least pick up his phone once in a while,” his mother retorted.

“Alright, I’ll tell him,” Yixing sighed.

“But back to your Christmas plans, I want you and Luhan home. And that's final,” his mother said firmly.

Yixing peered through the doors of Luhan’s room where Sehun was crying silently and holding Luhan's limp hand. Yixing's heart crept into his throat at the sight, “Um,” he started. “Luhan...Um…Has other plans,” he said slowly

“ _What?!_ ” His mother gave a squawk of indignation. “What could possibly be more important than spending time with the family at _Christmas_?” She raged.

“Um... He didn’t say. He just said it was very important,” Yixing lied carefully.

“Give the phone to Luhan now,” his mother demanded. “Let me talk to him.”

“He's not here right now,” Yixing said desperately.

“Well then where is he?”

“I don't know,” Yixing automatically replied. He heard his mother suck in a deep breath, as if trying to calm herself down.

“That boy,” she said darkly, “What exactly has he been doing these past few days…” She sighed. “Tell your brother to call me when he gets back.”

“Uh... Sure,” Yixing said hesitatingly.

“My sons don't want to come home anymore!” His mother wailed before she hung up.

Yixing sighed wearily. He had narrowly dodged a bullet there, but he knew it won’t be long before his mother confronts him again about Luhan. He was just about to open the door to Luhan’s room to try to force Sehun to take a break when his phone rang again. He checked the caller ID and picked up immediately. “Hey Baek,” Yixing greeted tiredly.

“Yixing-hyung,” Baekhyun said worriedly, “Have there been any improvement? How is Luhan? Both of them?”

Yixing sighed, “Luhan still hasn't woken up yet and it's taking quite a toll on Sehun,” he said truthfully. “Honestly I'm more worried about Sehun than Luhan at this point,” he confessed. “Sehun's been staying up nights just to be with Luhan. I practically have to force him to eat now.”

Baekhyun sighed as well, “Sehun's gonna run himself to the ground.”

“I know, which is why I'm trying to prevent him from doing so.”

“How are his memories?” Baekhyun asked after a moment's silence.

“I think most of his memories are back now. He definitely remembers Luhan, that's for sure. He remembers me. But now he's feeling guilty about the whole accident. More than guilty actually. He's been crying at Luhan's bedside and keeps saying he's sorry. And that it's his fault that Luhan's in this state.”

Baekhyun felt his heart ache slightly at Yixing's words. “I can't imagine the amount of pain he must be feeling. I just wished he hadn’t kicked Luhan out.”

“You know it’s not his fault, Baek. He didn’t have his memories back when he kicked Luhan out of the apartment,” Yixing chided gently. “It was an accident. No one could've predicted that would happen. Luhan being depressed wasn’t Sehun’s fault either, understand that? The two of them just had a misunderstanding.”

“But now we’re at this state,” Baekhyun said hopelessly. “Luhan in a coma and all. Who knows if he’s ever going to wake up?”

“We can't dwell on the bad, we need to focus on being optimistic.” Yixing said patiently. “Stop being so quick to point fingers in Sehun’s direction, Baekhyun. He’s been through a lot too.”

“Yeah, I know,” Baekhyun sighed, “I’m sorry. I’m worried about Luhan, that’s all.”

“I know you are, Baekhyun,” Yixing agreed, “But have some hope. Luhan is strong. He will pull through this, especially now since Sehun is here.”

* * *

Xiumin walked away from where he had been hiding with a smirk. He had walked into the hospital with the intention to see Luhan (not that it was possible anyway with that blonde "boyfriend" of his spending every second by Luhan's side, but he was going to make an attempt) and had heard Yixing conversing in Korean. So naturally, Xiumin stopped and listened. And now he had a plan. To bring that blonde bastard down. Because Luhan belonged to Xiumin and Xiumin didn’t like to share.

* * *

“Xiumin!” Luhan's mother exclaimed in surprise as she threw open the door.

“Hello Āyí,” Xiumin greeted politely.

“Ah, how have you been, dear?” Luhan’s mother said warmly as she gestured Xiumin to come in.

“Good and how are you?” Xiumin asked pleasantly.

“Wonderful. You know Luhan’s back in China,” Luhan’s mother said. “Have the two of you met up yet? I know you boys were friends back in high school.”

Xiumin fought hard to keep the smirk from appearing on his face and fixed a solemn expression instead. “That’s actually why I came here to talk to you about,” he began seriously. “About Luhan and his whereabouts.”

Luhan’s mother frowned, “I know Luhan’s a bit hard to reach sometimes. In fact, he hasn’t even been answering my calls! Can you believe that? Ignoring his own mother!”

“Āyí, I know where Luhan is,” Xiumin said quietly.

Luhan’s mother brightened, “You do? That’s great! Where is he? I need to give him a scolding for ignoring me! What was he thinking?”

Xiumin pretended to hesitate a little, “Āyí, you may want to make sure you’re sitting down,” he cautioned, gesturing toward the couch. Luhan’s mother furrowed her brows in confusion, but complied with Xiumin’s suggestion.

“What’s this about?” She asked anxiously.

Xiumin took in a deep breath, “Luhan’s in the hospital,” he said gravely.

Luhan’s mother’s eyes widened considerably and she nearly jumped to her feet. “For what?” She asked. “He’s…He’s perfectly healthy! What happened?”

It was time to bring his plan into action, “He’s in a coma,” Xiumin announced.

Luhan’s mother looked dazed, “What…How…” She mumbled. “How…How did this…happen?”

Xiumin leaned forward and patted her sympathetically. “I know the cause of it,” he said softly.

“Tell me!” Luhan’s mother demanded weakly.

The edges of Xiumin’s mouth twitched up, but it went unnoticed by Luhan’s mother. “Um, from what I heard, he had a fight with his boyfriend. Sehun, I think his name was?”

“Sehun?” Luhan’s mother asked sharply. “Sehun… _Shìxūn_?!”

Xiumin nodded earnestly. “You know him?”

“Well of course! Luhan’s been dating him ever since he went to study in Korea!” Luhan’s mother said, “What happened after their fight?” She asked anxiously.

“Sehun-er-Shìxūn,” Xiumin corrected himself, “Kicked Luhan out of the apartment, which caused Luhan to slip into a depression so he came back to China to get away.” He said quietly, conveniently leaving out the part where he had heard the words “accident” and “It’s not Sehun’s fault” from Yixing’s conversation. “His depression was so bad that he tried to commit suicide by walking onto the _HòuHǎi_. He fell through the ice and contracted hypothermia. The hypothermia brought an onset of pneumonia, which ultimately led to him slipping into a coma.”

Luhan’s mother was shaking when Xiumin finished. “I can’t believe Shìxūn would do this to Luhan,” she said brokenly. “The two of them really seemed to be in love.”

Xiumin bit his tongue to refrain the nasty words from erupting. “This is the truth, Āyí. Shìxūn caused all this,” he said sorrowfully instead. “I’m very sorry to bring you such terrible news.”

“I see,” Luhan’s mother’s eyes were burning with the red glare of fury. “Which hospital is Luhan located at?” She asked, her voice clipped.

“Beijing Hǎidiàn,” Xiumin said, barely containing the glee in his voice. “What are you going to do about Shìxūn?” He asked. “It’s entirely his fault that all these unfortunate events happened.”

“No one, not even Shìxūn, hurts my sons,” Luhan’s mother said firmly. “I can bring up charges against him on account of mental abuse toward Luhan,” She said determinedly. “Maybe he’ll get locked up.”

Xiumin nodded eagerly, “He deserves it,” he said vehemently. “No one should be allowed to hurt Luhan.”

“You’re a good person, Xiumin,” Luhan’s mother said gratefully. “Thank you for telling me.”

Xiumin shrugged, pretending it was no big deal. “It’s the least I can do, Āyí, Luhan’s one of my closest friends.”

“I…I need to go see my son.” Luhan’s mother said weakly, standing up. “I can’t…I can’t believe he’s in…a coma,” she said softly, more to herself. Xiumin took that as his hint to leave.

“Āyí, take care,” Xiumin bid his leave. As soon he walked out the door, he let a gigantic grin spread across his face. That blonde bastard was going _down_.

* * *

“Luhan,” Sehun murmured, his voice hoarse from all the tears. “Please wake up,” he pleaded, holding Luhan’s hand. “This is my fault,” he sobbed. “I shouldn’t have kicked you out that day, I’m so sorry. If only…if only I had tried harder to remember things. If only-” A hand fell on Sehun’s shoulders, stopping his ramblings.

“Go rest,” Yixing ordered the boy softly, “I’ll take over for now.”

“No.” Sehun shook his head vehemently.

“Sehun,” Yixing sighed, exasperated, “Luhan’s not going anywhere, how many times do I have to tell you that? You’re not helping him by bringing yourself past the point of exhaustion.” Sehun sat there silently. Seeing how Sehun refused to budge, Yixing sighed, “Fine, I’ll get you something to eat at least then.” He walked out of the room and made his way to the hospital cafeteria. As he picked out items for Sehun, he wondered how he was going to make the boy get some rest. Sighing, he walked briskly back to Luhan’s room but stopped when he heard a familiar voice.

“Tell me where my son is! What room is he in?” A woman was saying loudly. “I demand to see my son. Where is he?”

“Ma’am-”

“Mother?” Yixing asked in shock. His mother whipped around and immediately her gaze landed on Yixing.

“Yixing,” there was a warning in her voice, as if she’s barely holding herself in check and was about to explode.

“Mother,” Yixing swallowed hard, “What are you doing here?”

Something flashed in his mother’s eyes. “You,” she glared at her younger son, “Neglected to tell me that Luhan had depression _and_ he’s in a _coma_?!” Her voice rose sharply.

Yixing flinched, “I didn’t want you to worry,” he said quietly.

“So you thought keeping a thing like _this_ would make me worry _less_?” His mother yelled. “Yixing, this is _Luhan,_ this is your _brother_! And he’s in a coma. You’re not a child anymore! This is not like when you were little, keeping your childish secrets from me. You can’t keep _this_ away from me. What were you _thinking_?”

“I’m sorry,” Yixing mumbled. “We all thought Luhan was going to be fine and wake up soon. We didn’t expect things to get so complicated.”

“Would you have told me then?” His mother asked with a sigh, “What if Luhan had _died_?” She choked. “And I would still be in the dark, not knowing a thing about what happened to him.”

“That won’t happen, Mother,” Yixing snapped, despite himself, “Don’t say things like that.”

“ _Do you have any idea how worried I was_?” His mother hissed.

“Um,” A doctor said nervously, “Luhan is in that room,” he pointed across the hall.

“Don’t think this discussion is over, Yixing,” his mother warned, “I’ll deal with you later.” She glared at Yixing again and stalked over to Luhan’s room.

Sehun was cradling Luhan’s limp hand against his cheek when he heard footsteps. He opened his eyes and was met with an irate woman. His brain faintly registered the fact that she looked familiar before she started screaming angrily at him in broken Korean.

“You!” She spat, “Get away from my son.” Sehun was suddenly dragged out of the chair. “How could you do this to him?” She screamed. “Luhan _loved_ you! Have you no heart?!”

“Mother-” Yixing tried to say.

“Luhan had _depression_ ,” his mother shouted. “And now he’s in a coma! And it’s all your fault! You kicked him out!”

“Mother, how did you know that?” Yixing asked.

“Why did you kick him out of the apartment?!” She shrieked at Sehun.

“Mother, that was an accident!” Yixing yelled, trying to calm down his angered mother.

His mother paid him no attention as she fumed at the blonde boy in front of her. “You’re the who turned him _gay_!” Without warning, she raised her hand and Sehun’s head instantly snapped back.

“ _Mother_!” Yixing gasped, horrified. He rushed forward to stop his mother from raining blows on Sehun. Sehun did nothing to protect himself. He kept his eyes cast downward and his head lowered. There was an apparent handprint on his cheek.

“What is Luhan to you?” Yixing’s mother struggled to free herself from Yixing’s grip. “A plaything? A toy? Something to be used and thrown away?” Sehun shook his head silently. “You hurt him!” She screamed at him, hysterical. “He loved you and you _broke his heart_.”

Suddenly Sehun dropped to his knees in front of her. She fell silent.

“Sehun,” Yixing asked in shock, “What the hell are you doing?”

Sehun ignored him and slowly leaned forward until his forehead touched the ground. “Āyí,” he murmured. Yixing’s mother had gone still and had stopped struggling in Yixing’s grip.

“Sehun-” Yixing started to say.

“Duìbùqǐ,” Sehun murmured. “Duìbùqǐ.” He touched his forehead to the ground.

“Sehun…Stop-Stop that,” Yixing ordered, still in shock.

“Duìbùqǐ…Duìbùqǐ,” Sehun touched the ground with his forehead every time he said those words. “Duìbùqǐ.” He leaned down, but two trembling hands stopped him.

“Don’t do that,” Luhan’s mother told him, her voice soft and shaking. “Please don’t do that anymore. That’s not right.”

“Duìbùqǐ,” Sehun repeated.

Yixing pried Sehun away from his mother and sat him down in a chair. “Mother, how did you find out about this anyway?”

His mother moved from her frozen state of shock. “Luhan’s friend, Xiumin.”

“ _What_?” Yixing hissed. “Mother, how could you believe that… _scum_?”

His mother gave him a pointed look, “Yixing, I did not raise you to be this way. Xiumin is a very nice guy and if it hadn’t been for him, I would’ve never known that Luhan is in the hospital and that Shìxūn-” She broke off.

“Mother,” Yixing said very calmly and slowly through gritted teeth, “What did that bast-Xiumin say to you exactly?”

“He told me that Luhan was in the hospital and that he had depression because he and Shìxūn got into a fight. And then… Shìxūn kicked him out,” her gaze landed on Sehun, who flinched when he heard his name.

“Duìbùqǐ,” Sehun mumbled quietly, staring at the floor. He did not understand a word of what they’re saying, but all he knew was that the woman was Luhan’s mother. And she was mad at him. And apparently she knew that Sehun had kicked Luhan out.

Yixing patted Sehun’s shoulder, “Xiumin was lying to you, mother,” he forced out. “He made it sound like everything is Shìxūn’s fault, didn’t he?”

“Well is it?” His mother asked quietly. Her voice was deadly, like the calm before the storm.

“Of course not!” Yixing shouted. “Mother, you can’t trust Xiumin. He’s not Luhan’s friend. In fact, he’s more like Luhan’s stalker. He’s liked Luhan ever since high school and has been hounding after him. Luhan hates him, but he’s too polite to say anything.”

“Well he did tell me Luhan’s in the hospital, that seems to be correct,” his mother said icily.

Yixing sighed, “He probably hopes to gain something by telling you that everything is Shìxūn’s fault.”

“Like what? What can he possibly gain?”

“Well think about it,” Yixing said evenly, “He _likes_ Luhan and Luhan has a boyfriend. He probably won’t like that Luhan has a boyfriend so he’ll try to get rid of that boyfriend. And with the way it looks right now, that’s exactly what happened. He tried to get rid of Shìxūn by using you,” he reasoned.

His mother sighed, “You better tell me the whole story,” she demanded, “Starting now.”

And so Yixing did. He told her all about Sehun’s accident. He told her about Luhan’s misunderstandings. He told her everything that had happened.

“These two,” his mother sighed when Yixing finally finished. Both of them turned to look at Sehun, who was gripping Luhan’s hand and pleading for Luhan to wake up. She stood up and walked to Sehun. “Shìxūn?” She said gently. Sehun jerked up, startled. He retracted his hand from Luhan’s so quickly as if he’s been struck by a live wire. “ _Mianhae_ ,” Yixing’s mother said, her accent disrupting the Korean syllables, but Sehun understood her. His eyes widened considerably as he nodded timidly. “Yixing, come here, I want you to translate for me.” she gestured at her son. “Shìxūn,” she began, “I know you love Luhan a lot and I’m very sorry that I got angry at you. It was a misunderstanding. But you have to understand that as a parent, I care about my sons very much and I get quite defensive when they get hurt. But now I know that this is not your fault and I apologize again. Two years ago, when I met you, I thought you seemed like a very nice and caring person and I was not mistaken. I’m glad that Luhan has found you. I hope things will be better for the two of you when he wakes up,” she finished and nodded at Yixing to translate. While Yixing talked to Sehun, she leaned over Luhan’s bed. “Luhan,” she whispered softly. “Wake up soon. Your loved ones are all here and waiting for you. I’m here. Yixing’s here. Shìxūn’s here. So wake up.” She straightened up and saw that Yixing was watching her. “Thank you,” she said to Sehun. “For taking care of my son.” She turned to Yixing, “Call me if anything happens,” she ordered.

Yixing’s eyes widened, “You’re…leaving?”

His mother nodded, “There’s no reason for me stick around. Luhan’s in good hands,” she gestured at Sehun. “I’ll come again tomorrow. Don’t forget to call me.”

Yixing nodded, “I will.”

“Get some rest, both of you,” his mother said softly as she walked out the door.

“I’m sorry,” Yixing said to Sehun softly.

Sehun shook his head, his gaze fixed on Luhan. “It is my fault,” he whispered.

“No, Sehun-”

“I didn’t take my medication,” Sehun interrupted him quietly. “I thought my memories would come back on their own, without the help of any medication. I didn’t even _want_ to remember.” He choked out a strangled laugh.

“Sehun-”

“I was so scared of my old life,” Sehun continued. “I didn’t know what kind of a person I was. I didn’t know what kind of a person Luhan was. I was so scared of the unknown. I didn’t know what kind of things my past would bring up. I didn't even realize I was hurting Luhan all that time,” Sehun’s voice cracked. “The thought of being in love with Luhan scared me as well. I thought to myself, ‘Luhan is a stranger, I can’t be in love with someone I don’t even know.’ I was so confused. I-” Sehun suddenly broke off to stare at his hand in disbelief.

“What is it?” Yixing asked.

“L-Luhan just squeezed my hand,” Sehun said breathlessly.

“What?” Yixing lunged forward. Both of them watched Luhan’s face closely.

“Luhan, Luhan,” Sehun called to him, leaning forward with bated breath. “Luhan, please. Wake up,” he breathed. Luhan’s eyes fluttered. “Do you see that?” Sehun asked desperately. “Tell me I’m not the only one. I’m not the only one, right? I saw it. I know I saw it. I saw his eyes flut-Ohmygod. Luhan. You’re awake!” Luhan blinked sleepily and his eyebrows crinkled in confusion. Sehun started crying tears of relief, “Luhan, you’re awake! You finally woke up!” Sehun grabbed onto Luhan. “Luhan, I’m here. You’re awake,” he sobbed earnestly. Luhan moved his lips, but no sound came out. “It’s ok, Luhan, don’t push yourself. You’re awake,” Sehun whispered. Yixing ran out to get the doctors. “You’re awake. You’re finally awake.” Sehun’s tears dropped gently onto Luhan’s cheeks and Sehun brushed them away gently. “I’ve missed you,” his voice cracked, “I’ve missed you so much. And now you’re back,” Sehun laughed in disbelief despite the tears still sliding down his face. “And you’re finally awake. You’re awake!”

Luhan moved his lips. Sehun strained to hear. “Don’t…cry…” Luhan’s soft, raspy whisper hit Sehun’s ear. Sehun sniffled and nodded, tears streaming down his face. “Don’t…cry…” Luhan breathed again. His eyes slowly drooped shut.

“No, Luhan, come back to me!” Sehun shook him frantically. “Please, Luhan, please.”

“Sehun, let the doctor look at him,” Yixing commanded softly.

“He woke up! Luhan woke up!” Sehun was almost hysterical.

“I know! Just let the doctor check on him,” Yixing grabbed him and dragged him away from Luhan’s bedside.

“Is he ok? He’s ok, right? He has to be! He just woke up!” Sehun rambled.

The doctor looked up from checking Luhan’s vitals and greeted them with a genuine smile. “Luhan has officially come out of his coma,” he announced. Yixing sagged with relief. “Now this is quite common of someone who has been in a coma. Luhan will start to wake up more and more and remain awake for longer periods of time. And then gradually, he will come to full consciousness. I don’t know how long this will take, but the good news is that he is not in a coma anymore. I imagine it won’t take him long before he’s fully awake.”

“Thank you,” Yixing whispered. The doctor nodded and left the room. “Sehun, he’s going to be alright!” He laughed breathlessly and proceeded to tell Sehun what the doctor had told him.

* * *

Luhan was pretty sure he was dreaming. It certainly _felt_ like he was dreaming.

There was Sehun, grinning widely at him as he held Luhan’s hand. They were stargazing or something, but Luhan didn’t care. He was with _Sehun_. And that's all that matters.

Sehun laughed and pointed at something in the sky and Luhan curled closer to Sehun’s side.

It was comfortable. It was peaceful. 

Then out of the blue, Luhan heard his mother’s voice. _Luhan, your loved ones are all here._

Suddenly the scene changed. The two of them weren’t under the night sky anymore, but rather, taking a walk.

Sehun chattered excitedly and swung their linked arms gently between them. He was practically skipping. _Luhan,_ he said, ecstatic, _I love you._

Luhan smiled at him and opened his mouth to reply, but no sound came out. Distressed, he tried again.

_Hey,_ Sehun said, _It’s ok._ He squeezed Luhan’s hand. _You can tell me through this,_ he squeezed Luhan’s hand again.

Luhan grinned like an idiot and squeezed Sehun’s hand. Sehun beamed at him.

Then suddenly Sehun was gone.

Luhan was surrounded by white. He blinked in confusion. _Was this…Heaven?_

_Luhan?_ Sehun’s face swam into his view. Luhan blinked.

_Sehun, what are you doing here?_ Luhan tried to ask. _You’re not supposed to be here. If this is Heaven… then you…shouldn’t be here. With me._

_You’re awake,_ Sehun said, sobbing. _You’re finally awake. I’ve missed you,_ he sniffled. _I missed you so much. I’m here, Luhan. You’re awake,_ Sehun was laughing with relief, tears slipping from his eyes.

Luhan frowned, _What do you mean I'm finally awake?_ He was confused. 

_You're awake! Luhan, you're awake,_ Sehun sobbed.

Luhan didn’t want Sehun to be crying. He didn’t like seeing Sehun cry. _Sehun-ah...Please don't cry._ But his mouth didn't make any sounds.

_It’s ok, don’t push yourself,_ Sehun said gently. _You’re awake, you’re finally awake,_ he blubbered.

Luhan wanted Sehun to stop crying. He forced air into his lungs. “Don’t…Cry…” he breathed. Sehun’s eyes widened and he nodded, tears still falling down. “Don’t…Cry…” Luhan whispered weakly.

Tired. Luhan was suddenly tired.

Without warning, his eyes closed and darkness overcame him again. 

* * *

_Just by the way (in case you guys were curious):_

_"Āyí" is Chinese (阿姨) for "Auntie" which is what people call a woman who is older than they are and it can be for someone they know/don't know. Pronounced just the way it looks: "Ah-yi"_

_"Duìbùqǐ" is Chinese (对不起) for "I'm sorry." Pronounced: "Dway-boo-chee"_

_"Mianhae" is Korean (미안해) for "I'm sorry." Pronounced: "Mi-yan-ae"_

_"Shìxūn" is just Sehun's name in Chinese_


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clarify: Coma patients do not wake up like they do in the movies. I'm trying to write this story as realistically as possible and I have been doing a lot of research. Unlike in the movies (where the comatose patient might wake up instantly and be perfectly fine),  in real life, comatose patients might wake up and fall back asleep. It might take them many times of repeated waking up/falling back asleep before they're back to fully awake/functional. This is the reason why I ended the previous chapter with Luhan falling back asleep. 

_Six on the second hand till new year's resolutions_   
_There's just no question what this man should do_   
_Take all the time lost, all the days that I cost_   
_Take what I took and give it back to you_   
  
_All this time we were waiting for each other_   
_All this time I was waiting for you_   
_We got all these words, can't waste them on another_   
_So I'm straight in a straight line running back to you_   
  
_I don't know what day it is, I had to check the paper_   
_I don't know the city but it isn't home_   
_You say I'm lucky to love something that loves me_   
_But I don't as I could be wherever I roam_   
  
_All this time we were waiting for each other_   
_All this time I was waiting for you_   
_Got all these words, can't waste them on another_   
_So I'm straight in a straight line running back to you_

_I would travel so far_   
_I would travel so far_   
_To get back where you are_   
  
_All this time we were waiting for each other_   
_All this time I was waiting for you_   
_Got all this love, can't waste it on another_   
_So I'm straight in a straight line running back to you_

* * *

Over the past twenty-four hours, ever since Luhan had woken up, Sehun had been by Luhan’s side. Nothing Yixing said or did could make Sehun budge. Sehun wanted to be right then and there when Luhan woke up.

“Sehun,” Yixing clasped a hand on Sehun’s shoulder, “The doctor is going to try to wake Luhan up now.”

“Fine, but I’m not leaving the room,” Sehun said adamantly as he crossed his arms.

Yixing sighed heavily but nodded for the doctor to come in. Sehun scowled at the doctor who greeted them with a cheerful smile. He wondered just exactly how fake the smile was and scowled harder. The doctor gave Sehun a wide berth, skirting around him to get to Luhan. He swiftly wrote down all of Luhan’s vitals and gently removed his breathing tube.

Sehun clenched his fists tightly and held his breath. _Please Luhan, please wake up,_ he silently pleaded, _please._

The doctor gently shook Luhan, “Luhan?”

_Please Luhan_ , Sehun watched with bated breath.His breath hitched when Luhan’s eyes fluttered open. His knees felt weak. He felt faint with relief. _Luhan_ _._

“Hello Luhan,” the doctor spoke up pleasantly, but Luhan didn’t seem to hear him. Luhan’s eyes wandered around the room until they landed on Sehun.

“Luhan…” Sehun’s voice was shaking with relief. “You’re awake…”

But something was wrong. Something was off about the way Luhan was looking at him.

“You.” Luhan suddenly spoke up in Korean, surprising all of them.

“Luhan-” the doctor tried to address Luhan, but Luhan ignored him, his eyes fixed on Sehun.

“Do you see that person over there?” Luhan suddenly shrieked, pointing at Sehun. “He broke my heart! He kissed Jongin! HE KISSED JONGIN! HE BROKE MY HEART! HE DID IT! THAT PERSON OVER THERE! HE! HIM!” Luhan lapsed into a hysterical screaming full of a mix of indiscernible Korean and Chinese. He thrashed around wildly.

Yixing, along with the doctor, struggled to hold Luhan down. He chanced a glance at Sehun, who was looking like all the life have been sucked out of him. Yixing felt his heart ache at the amount of pain and guilt Sehun was currently showing. “Sehun-” he began, trying to calm him down, perhaps, or to soothe him, but Sehun shook his head.

“I’m sorry,” Sehun choked out in a brokenhearted whisper, as tears began to fall from his eyes, burning hot as they slid down his cheeks. “I’m so sorry,” he forced out before bolting from the room, tears falling down heavily. Yixing didn’t have time to worry about where Sehun went as Luhan’s hysteria distracted him.

“I need to put him down again,” the doctor gasped as he pinned down one of Luhan’s thrashing arms. “Help me hold him down.” Yixing obeyed as Luhan screamed at him, crying hysterically. The doctor scrambled to get the mask ready and slipped it over Luhan’s nose. Yixing held Luhan down as his movements got slower and his cries stopped.

Breathing heavily, Yixing pried himself off his sleeping brother, “What the fuck was that?” He shot angrily at the doctor.

The doctor got out his handkerchief with shaking fingers and mopped nervously at his brow. “That was…a normal reaction,” he said slowly. Yixing glared murderously at him. He sighed, “Some patients, when they wake from a coma, tend to be hysterical. They might try to rip out their IVs or, as you just saw, thrash around, screaming. We speculate that while in their comatose state, their brain remembers a traumatic event and when they wake up, patients still believe that they’re still living in that moment,” he explained carefully.

“So what now?” Yixing asked wearily.

“Now we know that Luhan is definitely responsive. He should be fine, albeit a bit confused, when he wakes. We’ll just let him wake naturally on his own time.”

* * *

Yixing slumped in the chair, rubbing his eyes wearily. He had gone out looking for Sehun and there was no sign of him. Yixing knew that he would not find Sehun unless he wanted to be found. Wherever he was, Yixing hoped he was safe. He sighed. A hand fell on his shoulder and he jerked in surprise. “Mother!” He said when he saw who it was.

“Yixing,” his mother said gently, setting down a bag on the table. “Have you eaten yet?” Yixing shook his head. She sighed, looking at him disapprovingly. “How can you take care of your brother when you can’t even take care of yourself?” She tsked. “Where’s Shìxūn?” She asked, looking around.

Yixing sank his head into his hands in utter exhaustion, “I don’t know,” he mumbled. “I don’t know.”

His mother frowned, “What do you mean you don’t know? Did anything happen?”

Yixing sighed, “The doctor woke up Luhan,” he began, “And Luhan, according to the doctors, might have been living in a traumatic event and when he woke up, he probably thought he was still in the experience and lashed at Shìxūn. He ran out. I haven’t seen him ever since.”

“Did you look for him?” His mother questioned.

“Of course I did,” Yixing replied tiredly, “But I couldn’t find him. He should be fine; he knows how to take care of himself. He’ll probably come back on his own later.”

“They’re hurt,” his mother spoke up. “Both of them,” she pointed out. “This needs to end,” she said sadly, “Both of them hurting each other like this.”

Yixing agreed and was about to speak up when there was the unmistakable sound of the door opening.

* * *

Xiumin grinned widely as he made his way to the entrance of the ever familiar hospital. His plan should’ve worked. Confidently, he walked toward Luhan’s room. He had nothing to fear now. That blonde bastard was probably gone. He opened the door of Luhan’s room and smirked when he saw that there was no sign of the blonde bastard anywhere. He mentally cheered his victory, but froze when he noticed Yixing was there. _Small complication,_ he mused as he smiled cheerfully at Luhan’s mother and Yixing. “Āyí, Yixing,” he greeted pleasantly, “How are you?”

“You have the nerve to show your face, _bastard_?” Yixing’s voice was shaking with restrained fury. It was only a matter of time before he explodes.

“Yixing,” his mother quietly warned, laying a hand on her son’s shoulder.

“But mother-” Yixing started to protest when his mother silenced him with a look.

Xiumin wondered what was going on as the two of them communicated silently.

_Let me deal with him_ , his mother seemed to say. Giving up in defeat, Yixing nodded.

“Xiumin,” Luhan’s mother called out and Xiumin jerked his head up.

Plastering a smile on his face quickly to calm his racing nerves, Xiumin began his escape plan, “I’m sorry Āyí, was this a bad tim-”

“Be quiet,” Luhan’s mother commanded and Xiumin stuttered to halt, his smile frozen on his face.

Xiumin gave her a confused smile, “Āyí?” _Shouldn’t she be welcoming him with a smile, telling him a “job well done” or at least “thank you?”_

“I said be quiet,” Luhan’s mother snapped. She leveled him with a glare that froze him to the ground. It was then that Xiumin suddenly realized, with a sinking feeling, that Luhan’s mother was a very dangerous woman, far more dangerous than Yixing. “You have been telling me lies,” she began, advancing toward him slowly, like a panther, lithe and terrifying and threatening.

Xiumin gulped nervously, “Pardon?”

“Do not play dumb with me, Xiumin. You have been lying to me and you know it,” Luhan’s mother said slowly, enunciating every word clearly.

“I don’t know what you’re talk-”

“You tried to tear my family apart,” Luhan’s mother cut him off coldly. “As a mother, I try to keep my family together and my sons happy. I accept my sons for who they are and respect their loved ones. I usually stay out of my sons’ fights. But you,” Luhan’s mother paused to shoot Xiumin a frosty glare, “You not only hurt Luhan but Shìxūn as well. Meeting Shìxūn was the best thing ever to happen to Luhan. If you think you can replace the happiness Luhan feels when he’s around Shìxūn, you’re delusional. You will never replace Shìxūn. You can never be Shìxūn. You will never come close. And one day, if you somehow do come close, I will never accept you. But fear not, that will never happen. Luhan will never go for someone like _you_.”

Xiumin couldn’t come up with a response. He opened and closed his mouth multiple times, but nothing came out.

“You know, I have to hand it to you, Xiumin,” Luhan’s mother continued. “It’s one thing to take someone else’s trust for granted, but you took my trust and turned it toward your personal gain. You really sicken me. You’re the worst kind of person I’ve ever met. You _disgust_ me.”

Xiumin’s brain shut down. His mind drew a blank and began to panic.

“I _pity_ you, Xiumin,” Luhan’s mother gazed at him almost sadly, “You’re so buried within your own lies that you can’t tell what’s real and what’s not. You have to _lie_ in order for yourself to believe that someone likes you, someone wants you.”

Luhan’s mother has literally reduced Xiumin into nothing with a few words. Xiumin was speechless.

“Do yourself and the rest of us a favor,” Luhan’s mother ordered. “Stay away from me. Stay away from Shìxūn. Stay away from Luhan. Go far away. I honestly hope to never see you again. Because if I do, I can assure you that the next time will not be as pleasant.”

Xiumin’s mind had already tucked tail and fled and so Xiumin did exactly that, turning around sharply and nearly running out of the room. In his haste to get away, he ran into a person huddled against the wall. He looked up.

Blonde Bastard.

Blonde Bastard looked startled for a moment before his features rearranged themselves into a fierce scowl.

“You’re a very lucky man,” Xiumin snarled before Blonde Bastard could say anything.

Blonde Bastard’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, scowl forgotten.

A pause.

“I am,” he finally said quietly, watching Xiumin with an unreadable expression, a perfect poker face.

“Take care of him,” Xiumin spat out the words like poison, as if they pained him immensely.

Still watching Xiumin with the unreadable expression, Blonde Bastard slowly nodded. “I intend to,” he finally said. His words held a touch of warning for Xiumin.

“Don’t worry,” Xiumin hissed, “You won’t see me again.” Saying that, Xiumin pushed past Blonde Bastard and walked away briskly .

* * *

Luhan opened his eyes and blinked against the hospital’s white lights. “Oh good, you’re finally awake,” a familiar voice said to his left.

Luhan blinked hard to get the spots out of his eyes and turned his head toward the voice. He squinted to see more clearly and his brother’s hazy face swam into view. “Yi…Xing…?” His voice was raspy with sleepiness.

“Hey,” Yixing smiled warmly, but Luhan detected traces of worry around his eyes. Yixing looked as if he hadn’t had a proper night’s sleep in days. “How are you feeling?” He squeezed Luhan’s hand gently.

“A little bit…groggy…” Luhan admitted hoarsely. “But other than that…I feel fine…”

Yixing relaxed visibly at Luhan’s words. “Do you need me to get you anything?”

“Water,” Luhan croaked out, suddenly realizing how thirsty he was.

Yixing poured a glass of water and set it on the nightstand by Luhan’s side. “Can you try to sit up?” Luhan tried to prop himself up with difficulty, his elbows digging into the bed weakly. Yixing helped him out by slowly raising the bed until Luhan was in a sitting position and handed the glass of water carefully to him. “Here, don’t drink it too quickly.”

When Luhan had finished the glass, he looked around. “What happened?” He asked in bewilderment, “Why am I here?”

Yixing stiffened, “You don’t remember?” Luhan shook his head. Yixing pursed his lips and then smiled tightly at Luhan. “Let’s let the doctors check on you first,” he said gently, “To make sure things are alright and then I’ll answer your questions.” He pressed the call button.

Luhan frowned and was about to protest when a doctor walked in, smiling cheerfully. Luhan wanted to cringe at the smile. “Ah Luhan,” the doctor said breezily, “How are you feeling?”

“Confused,” Luhan instantly replied. “But physically, I feel fine.”

“Some confusion is to be expected,” the doctor agreed smoothly. “Now can you tell me what year it is?”

Luhan frowned deeply, “It’s 2013,” he said, as if that was obvious.

“Fantastic!” The doctor exclaimed, a little too happily for Luhan’s taste. “Well, what is the last thing you remember?”

“Uh…” Luhan thought hard. Most of what he could remember seemed to be mundane, everyday things. He didn’t think the doctor would be interested in that. “Not much,” he confessed, “Just the little things I do every day. Routine.”

“Hmm,” the doctor looked slightly concerned. “I’ll need to send you in for some tests later, but for now, I want you to rest. You’ve been through a lot lately so rest is the most important thing right now.”

“Why?” Luhan wondered, “What happened?”

The doctor glanced at Yixing. “I’ll let your brother tell you what happened,” he sighed. “But honestly, there’s nothing to worry about now,” he assured Luhan before walking out of the room.

After the doctor left, Luhan tugged on Yixing’s hand. “Yixing,” he began, “Why do you look so troubled?”

Yixing sighed wearily and ran a hand through his hair. “Luhan, you’ve been in a coma for almost the past four weeks,” he admitted.

“A coma?” Luhan asked incredulously.

Yixing sighed again, “Do you honestly not remember anything?” He asked anxiously. Luhan hesitated. “What is it?” Yixing asked, watching his brother closely.

“Well, there’s a series of the most bizarre dreams I’ve ever had,” Luhan began quietly. “I’m not sure if those count for anything.”

Yixing sat up, instantly alert. “Luhan,” he said seriously, “Tell me about those dreams.”

Luhan crinkled his eyebrows in confusion. “Well there’s one about…me seeing…Sehun kissing Jongin,” he admitted quietly. “And another one where I got mad at Sehun…for kissing Jongin.”

Yixing rubbed his temples, feeling completely exhausted. “Luhan,” he began quietly, “Those weren’t dreams.”

“What? Yixing, I don’t under-”

“Those weren’t dreams,” Yixing cut him off somberly, “Luhan, they really happened. In real life.”

Luhan’s mouth fell open, “What? No!”

Yixing looked at him sympathetically, “I know it’s a lot to take in right now,” he said softly. “But they weren’t dreams, Luhan. I’m sorry.”

Luhan sank his head into his hands. Pieces of his memory slowly coming back to mind. _Oh god, they really did happen_ , he realized. _That means…_ “Sehun,” Luhan suddenly spoke up, choking on the name. “Where is he? Oh god. I yelled at him. He must be feeling awful right now.” Luhan realized in horror. “Oh no… Sehun…” It took hot tears trailing down Luhan’s cheeks to make him fully understand that he was crying. “Sehun…Oh no…I’m so sorry…” Luhan choked out. “But…he…kissed Jongin…They’re…together…I saw them…”

“I couldn’t find Sehun when…he ran out,” Yixing admitted. “But Luhan, there’s something you should know. Sehun and Jongin are not together,” he told Luhan firmly.

Luhan shook his head, “I saw them…I saw them together…I’m-I’m so confused…”

“No Luhan,” Yixing said gently, shaking his head, “They’re not. Baekhyun confirmed that they’re not. Baekhyun asked Jongin himself. Jongin said they’re not. And I also talked to Sehun. He said he and Jongin are friends.”

Luhan looked completely lost, “But-”

“Listen to me, Luhan,” Yixing urged, “Sehun and Jongin are most definitely not together. Sehun has his memories back now. And he has been waiting everyday by your bedside for the past three weeks, waiting for you to wake up. He loves _you_ , Luhan. Not Jongin. _You._ ”

Luhan was overwhelmed, “He remembers?” His voice cracked, but there was a hopeful lilt.

Yixing nodded, “He remembers,” he confirmed. 

There were tears in Luhan’s eyes, “I’ve missed him, Yixing,” he whispered. “I’ve missed Sehun.”

Yixing squeezed his brother’s hand reassuringly, “I know, Luhan,” he said softly. “He’s missed you too. I’ll go find him for you, ok?” Luhan nodded. “Luhan,” Yixing paused before exiting the room, “The two of you have been through a lot,” he began, “You two really don’t need any more pain right now. Forgive each other and put this entire thing behind you guys. I think both of you can’t take it anymore if you keep hurting each other like this. Just forgive and forget.”

“I just want to see him, Yixing,” Luhan whispered. “I don’t want to hurt him. I love him.”

Yixing smiled, as if pleased with Luhan’s response, “I’ll go find him,” he promised.

* * *

Finding Sehun, it seemed, turned out to be fairly easy as Yixing nearly ran into him when he exited from Luhan’s room. “Sehun,” Yixing said with relief, “You’re back.”

Sehun’s eyes were fixed on Luhan’s door. “He’s awake,” he breathed.

Yixing nodded, “Go inside,” he urged.

Sehun shook his head, “I can’t,” he whimpered, tears falling from his eyes. “I can’t.”

“And why not?” Yixing questioned.

“He hates me,” Sehun choked out, completely breaking down, “Luhan hates me.”

“Sehun,” Yixing said gently, “He doesn’t hate you. They’ve been pumping him full of medication for the past two days. You don’t know what kinds of things he could spout out.”

“He hates me. He hates me,” Sehun sobbed.

“Sehun,” Yixing said firmly, “Luhan is in there, waiting for _you._ It’s been too long. Go back to him. Go back to Luhan.”

But Sehun shook his head, crying. “He hates me. I broke his heart.”

“Sehun, he loves you. He’s waiting for you. Luhan is waiting for you. All of this was a huge misunderstanding. Don’t let a little mix-up tear you two apart. Just go into the room, Sehun. It'll be alright,” Yixing urged, giving Sehun a push toward the door.

* * *

Sehun walked in quietly, keeping his eyes down. Luhan drank in the sight of him like a starved man. “Sehun-ah…” Luhan murmured.

Sehun started at the sound of his name, but didn’t meet Luhan’s eyes. He sucked in a deep breath. “Luhan…”

“Sehun-ah-”

“I’m sorry,” Sehun whispered in a rush. “I’m so sorry.” Sehun had broken down. And it pained Luhan to see him like this. “I’m so sorry,” Sehun whimpered.

“Sehun-” Luhan began, as gently as he could.

“I had no idea I hurt you so much. The amount of pain I put you under…I didn’t even know,” Sehun sobbed. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“You’re back,” Luhan interjected softly. “You’re back.”

Sehun stilled, tears still falling from his eyes. He hesitantly nodded. “I’m back.”

“And you’re staying,” Luhan said firmly.

Sehun nodded again, “I’m staying.”

Luhan broke into a smile, “Then I forgive you.” His eyes were sparkling in that way that made Sehun’s heart beat twice as fast. And it was only Luhan who could do that. Only Luhan. “I forgive you.”

Sehun sharply sucked in a deep breath and exhaled, “I love you,” he breathed. It felt good to say that. It felt good for Luhan to finally hear it. Because it will only be Luhan. Only Luhan who he says it to. Only Luhan who will hear it.

Luhan grinned widely, “So then where’s my kiss?”

Sehun laughed breathlessly with relief before surging up and cradling Luhan’s face gently. Their lips met and Sehun kissed Luhan with the upmost care, as if he was afraid that Luhan will break apart at the slightest touch. “I’ve missed this,” Sehun whispered against Luhan’s lips. “I’ve missed _you_.”

“Well next time,” Luhan nipped at Sehun’s bottom lip. “Don’t forget me again.”

Sehun nodded earnestly. “I can never,” he whispered fiercely. “My mind didn’t remember you,” he confessed, “ _But my heart can never forget you_.”

Luhan pulled back to look at him and gently brushed away the tears that Sehun didn’t even know had fallen again. “Don’t cry anymore,” he murmured. “It’s going to be okay now. We’re together. Everything is okay. Better than okay. Everything is _perfect._ ” Sehun nodded. Luhan broke into a breathtaking grin. “I love you.” He breathed.

“I love you,” Sehun whispered back, pressing their lips back together.

Everything was alright.

Everything was perfect.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

Two weeks later,

“How are you feeling?” Sehun asked anxiously.

Luhan tried hard not to smile, but failed. “You’ve been asking me that the entire way home,” he reminded Sehun gently, grinning like a madman.

“I can’t help it,” Sehun admitted as he fumbled around his pocket for the keys. “I’m trying to make it all up to you.”

“Sehun-ah,” Luhan began quietly, “You don’t have to make it up to me. I’ve already forgiven you. It’s ok.”

“But I can never forgive myself,” Sehun said seriously, keys forgotten as he turned around to face Luhan.

“Sehun-ah-”

“Just let me,” Sehun insisted. “Let me show you how much I love you. Please. Luhan. Let me show you.”

Luhan cradled Sehun’s face, “I already know,” he whispered. “Thank you.”

Sehun closed his eyes and leaned into Luhan’s touch. He touched their foreheads together. “I’m going to show you anyway,” he said determinedly.

Giving in, Luhan sighed, “Fine,” he murmured, smiling when Sehun pressed their lips together. “I love you.”

“I love you, Luhan,” Sehun breathed. He broke apart to open the door of their apartment. “Oh shit.” Sehun suddenly blurted out, as he opened the door.

Luhan cocked an eyebrow, “What?”

“LU!” Sehun panicked, “Oh crap! It’s been over a month!”

“Um…” Luhan began, “I’m right here…?”

“No! The cat!” Sehun looked around frantically.

Luhan’s confusion grew, “…Cat…?”

“Yes! Cat!”

“Since when did you get a cat?” Luhan asked.

“I didn’t! I found him in your hidden studio and-oh thank god,” Sehun sighed with relief as an orange cat walked towards them. “Lu!” Sehun scooped up the noticeably thinner cat, who was looking extremely grumpy in Sehun’s arms.

Luhan fought hard to keep the gigantic smile from spreading across his face, “And you named him after me?”

Sehun’s face turned bright red, “I-I” he spluttered. “Yes,” he admitted in defeat.

Luhan laughed, “Hi Lu,” he said to the cat. “Have you been keeping my Sehunnie company?”

“Can-can we keep him?” Sehun asked, looking like a little kid.

Luhan laughed again, “Well seeing as he’s been keeping you company all this time, I guess we have to keep him,”

Sehun beamed, “Thanks Luhan!”

Luhan took in the happiness in Sehun’s eyes and the cat in his arms, “It feels good to be back,” he murmured, mainly to himself rather than to Sehun.

But Sehun heard him anyway.

“Welcome back, Lu,” he said softly, “Welcome home.”

Welcome home.

Luhan leaned up to kiss Sehun. “I’m home.” He murmured against his lips.

It never felt more right to say those words.

“I’m home.”

* * *

Luhan and Sehun waited patiently outside Baekhyun’s and Chanyeol’s apartment. “Baek sounded strange over the phone,” Luhan mused, “I wonder what’s going on.” Sehun shrugged and was about to reply when the door opened and a white object flew out, smacking Luhan in the face. Sehun blinked as someone knocked into him, obscuring his vision.

And then,

“OW! Baek! What the fuck?!”

Sehun regained his vision, only to find Luhan being mercilessly attacked with a pillow. “BAEKHYUN!” Luhan shrieked, trying to avoid the terrifying-looking Baekhyun angrily wielding a pillow. “STOP!”

“YOU IDIOT!” Baekhyun shouted, hitting Luhan repeatedly over the head as Luhan cowered against the wall, holding his hands above his head to fend off Baekhyun’s blows. “WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!”

“WHAT DID I DO?” Luhan yelped.

“WHAT DID YOU DO?! DO YOU EVEN HAVE TO ASK THAT?! YOU IDIOT!” Baekhyun smacked him. “IDIOT IDIOT IDIOT!” Baekhyun hit him again soundly for good measure. “DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED I WAS? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? HOW COULD YOU PUT ME UNDER SO MUCH WORRY? YOU IDIOT! YOU LEFT ME! ME! YOUR BEST FRIEND, LUHAN! HOW COULD YOU?! ” Sehun was unsure of what to do at the moment. He didn’t particularly feel like facing the wrath of an angry Baekhyun.

“I’M SORRY!” Luhan tried to dodge Baekhyun’s pillow missile, but got a mouthful of pillow instead. “WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP HITTING ME?”

The apartment door next to Baekhyun’s opened slowly and a lady tentatively poked her head out, wondering what was going on just as Baekhyun smacked Luhan full in the face, screaming “YOU IDIOT! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?” The lady promptly slammed her door shut.

Sehun figured it was time to stop Baekhyun from attempting to murder his boyfriend. “Um Baekhyun-hyung?” He coughed. “You do know that Luhan just recently woke up from a coma right? Like almost three weeks ago…I…um…I don’t think hitting him will…help…?” He said cautiously.

“Oh.” Baekhyun stopped. “Oh.” He looked at the pillow in his hand. He immediately dropped it and rushed over to the cowering Luhan, tackling him in a gigantic hug. “OHMYGOD YOU’RE BACK!”

“BAEKHYUN! CAN’T BREATHE!” Luhan struggled to get free from Baekhyun’s bear hug. Baekhyun let go of him, beaming at him. “Honestly, why are you my friend?” Luhan grumbled, dusting himself off. “You’re completely crazy.”

Baekhyun swiftly picked up the pillow and smacked him again, “That’s because you love me,” he cheekily said.

Sehun bit back a laugh at the look on Luhan’s face and coughed hastily to cover it up. Baekhyun turned to look at him, a strange gleam in his eye.

“Sehun,” Baekhyun said slowly.

Sehun gulped, “H-hyung…?” He squeaked. That was all he got in before Baekhyun rushed at him, pillow held high above his head.

“YOU! YOU’RE AN IDIOT TOO!” Baekhyun bellowed, “HOW COULD YOU FORGET THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE?!” Baekhyun beat him mercilessly with the pillow.

“I DIDN’T MEAN TO!” Sehun yelped, “I’M SORRY!”

“WHY ARE YOU SUCH AN IDIOT?! WHO FORGETS THE LOVE OF THEIR LIFE?!”

“LUHAN! HELP! YOUR BEST FRIEND IS CRAZY!” Sehun shouted, wincing as Baekhyun swung the pillow at his head. “HELP ME!”

“THAT’S ‘HYUNG’ TO YOU YOUNG MAN!”

Luhan watched as he leaned against the wall, “Sorry Sehunnie,” he called, laughing in amusement, “I don’t feel like eating pillow again.”

When Baekhyun had finally calmed down, or rather, when Chanyeol had managed to grab the pillow from Baekhyun’s hands, the four of them settled down in the living room.

“Well that was a nice welcome,” Luhan remarked, shooting Baekhyun a glare as he settled comfortably down by Sehun’s side. He linked their hands together, giving Sehun a small smile.

“I’m still mad at you,” Baekhyun countered.

Luhan rolled his eyes, “What did I  _do_?”

Baekhyun shot him an icy glare, “You were being an idiot, that’s what you did.”

Luhan sighed, exasperated, “ _How_? You’re not telling me!”

“Well let’s see,” Baekhyun got up from the couch and paced around the living room.  “You left  _me_ , you went to China. You didn’t give me a single call. Not even a ‘hello’ to let me know you’re ok.” Baekhyun ticked off on his fingers.

“But-” Luhan started to protest but Baekhyun was on a roll.

“Do you know how worried I was? You were in a bad shape when you left and I didn’t know how you were while in China. Was it really so hard to just pick up the damn phone and give me a call? And you wouldn’t even pick up your phone when  _I_  called! What kind of friend are you? I was worried sick about you! Look, I got your situation, I know how you felt, but think of me for just a second! I couldn’t even sleep because I was worrying about you constantly!” Baekhyun ranted.

“Baek,” Chanyeol started quietly, looking uncomfortable. “Don’t go the-”

“Do you know the one thing that makes me completely furious?” Baekhyun plowed over Chanyeol, his voice deadly quiet. He came to a stop right in front of Luhan, glaring furiously at him.

“ _Baek_ ,” Chanyeol said warningly, “Don’t-“

 Baekhyun ignored Chanyeol, who trailed off helplessly. He didn’t wait for an answer, but merely answered his own question. “It’s the fact that you  _attempted suicide_.” Luhan looked down, not meeting Baekhyun’s fuming eyes. No one spoke. Baekhyun continued, “You know, Luhan, you’ve done a lot of idiotic things, but this, this blows all of them right out of the water. This was  _beyond_  stupidity. What the hell were you  _thinking_? Were you even thinking?”

Sehun silently dropped Luhan’s hand, looking away. It was his fault, and he knew it too.

It was absolutely silent as Baekhyun glared furiously at Luhan.

“Baek,” Chanyeol said timidly, “Stop-”

But Baekhyun suddenly whirled about and directed his glare at Sehun. “And you!” He harshly poked Sehun. “Do you know how much pain you put Luhan under? How could-?”

“Baek,  _stop it_ ,” Chanyeol’s quiet voice sharply cut off Baekhyun. There was a thin line of anger running beneath his voice. “The two of them just recently fixed their problems together. Why are you bringing all that up again? Do you know how bad Sehun feels right now? Are you  _trying_  to force them apart?”

Silence.

Then,

“I’m sorry!” Baekhyun burst out, tears leaking from his eyes as he rushed at Luhan. “I was just so worried and scared. I’m so sorry! I didn’t know what was happening! I only get whatever Yixing-hyung gave me and I was so scared. I’m sorry,” he sobbed, hugging Luhan tightly. “I was worried about my best friend.”

“I’m sorry too,” Luhan’s soft apology floated through the air. “It was rash of me. I-I didn’t think things through clearly,” he admitted.

Baekhyun shook his head, “I just can’t lose any of you,” he pulled away from Luhan to look at everyone, eyes red and watery. “You mean so much to me. Sehun-ah. Luhan. Chanyeol. I just can’t. I almost lost Chanyeol and I went crazy.”

“Crazier than usual,” Chanyeol piped up, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

Baekhyun childishly stuck his tongue at him. “But I’m serious,” he said quietly, “I need you all. I can’t live without any of you.”

“We all need one another,” Luhan said softly.

“Enough with the tears,” Chanyeol ordered, “This is a happy time. Sehun, Luhan-hyung, you guys are back. Sehun remembers everything. Be happy. It’s alright now.”

“I’m-” Sehun began.

“Yes, we know, you’re sorry. Stop with the apologies!” Chanyeol interrupted him quickly. “We’re supposed to be happy remember?”

“But-” Sehun protested.

“I swear I will begin to interpretative dance if you guys won’t stop apologizing,” Chanyeol quickly threatened.

They all suddenly remembered that one Christmas party when Chanyeol got really drunk.

“Please don’t,” Luhan shuddered. Chanyeol’s version of “interpretative dancing” was a weird mix of strip teasing and random yelling. They all saw more than they needed to.

“Then stop apologizing,” Chanyeol countered matter-of-factly.

Baekhyun sniffled, “Urgh, I’m a grown man and I’m crying,” he shook his head, tears still leaking from his eyes.

Luhan looked at him, “You? A grown man?” He repeated incredulously. “Since when?”

Baekhyun glared at him as best as he could, “I’m twenty-five years old!” He said indignantly.

“Yes,” Luhan chortled, “Twenty-five and still attacks his best friend with a pillow. Yup. Grown man alright.”

Chanyeol sighed as the two fell into their usual banter. “And I thought I was the childish one,” he muttered, mainly to himself.

Sehun laughed lightly, “You still are,” he assured Chanyeol.

Chanyeol gave his signature grin, flashing white teeth, “Doing all right, Sehunnie?”

“Yep,” Sehun nodded, watching Baekhyun and Luhan argue with a fond smile on his face.

“Good,” Chanyeol clapped a hand on Sehun’s shoulder, “Glad you’re back.”

“Glad to  _be_  back.”


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is EXTREMELY long. I'm not kidding. It's 22 pages, unspaced with size 11 font in Word. It's also about 12,500 words. It's almost a minific. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Three/Almost Four Months Later,

Luhan hummed absentmindedly along to the radio as he wrapped up his latest project. His clients had been delighted to hear that he was back in business and flooded his email and phone with requests. Every day, Luhan started with a new project. He was halfway through at least a dozen different projects, but Luhan found himself not minding the busyness and workload. The months of January, February, and March had passed by blissfully without any conflict. It was now near the end of April and the two of them had celebrated each other’s’ birthdays and anniversary happily. Sehun had been treating Luhan as if he was glass. He showered Luhan with delicate love and gave him gentle touches just to show Luhan that he is loved. Luhan knew, of course, he knew Sehun loved him as much he loved Sehun ever since the day Sehun confessed. Luhan knew because of Sehun’s adoring eyes whenever they landed on him. He knew because of the way the two of them touched. He knew because Sehun never stopped reminding him. He knew simply because Sehun was Sehun and he was Luhan and the two of them were meant to be.

Although Luhan enjoyed Sehun’s earnest attempts to show his love for Luhan (silly boy, it’s not as if Luhan doesn’t know already), Luhan wished that he would ease up slightly at times.

Like when Jongin had suggested that he and Sehun teach dance together, but Sehun had initially refused, choosing instead, to stick with Luhan.

Luhan admitted that he was a little wary of the partnership, but he couldn’t deny the fact that Sehun loved to dance. Besides writing and Luhan, dancing had been one of Sehun’s passions since middle school. He wasn’t about to let his jealousy get in the way of Sehun’s dreams.

So with a little of pushing and claiming that he was busy with clients anyway, Luhan had managed to convince Sehun to go to the studio with Jongin and teach dance.

* * *

 

Luhan put the finishing touches of his commission of Mrs. Choi’s pomeranian and wiped his hands on a rag. Satisfied, he sent Mrs. Choi an email, informing her that the painting was ready for pickup. He stretched and left his studio to see what Sehun was up to. There was suddenly a knock at the door.

“Luhan? Can you please get that? I’m wrapping up this chapter,” Sehun called out from their room. Luhan shook his head. Sehun had been struck with inspiration, or so Luhan assumed, since anytime Sehun was not teaching dance to little kids or spending time with Luhan, he was holed up in their room, writing. Sehun had been unusually secretive about his writing, a fact that struck Luhan as odd. Most of the time, Sehun begged Luhan to look over his work before he sent it to his editor. This time, however, Luhan had tried to sneak a peek at what Sehun had been writing, only to have Sehun panic and lock up his notebooks. Luhan guessed that Sehun was planning to surprise him and so he left Sehun alone.

Luhan opened the door to reveal-

“Jongin,” Luhan said, startled. He said the name with more bite than necessarily.

Jongin jumped in surprise, “Lu-Luhan-hyung!” He spluttered, giving a quick bow. The two hadn’t really talked ever since that night Luhan threw Jongin out of his studio.

A pause.

“Is…um…is Sehun here?” Jongin asked meekly. “We have a lesson at five,” he hastily added, as if to quickly calm down Luhan and erase any doubts that Luhan might have.

“He’s writing. He should be done any minute,” Luhan said casually. He made no move to invite Jongin in.

Jongin shuffled his feet nervously. “Look Luhan-hyung,” be began slowly. “I would like to take the advantage of the fact that Sehun isn’t here and that we’re alone to apologize to you again.” Luhan’s look of indifference didn’t change but he didn’t make any gesture to slam the door in Jongin’s face. Jongin took that as a good sign and continued cautiously. “That-that night, I was drunk. I had no idea what I was doing. I know, that is a really lame excuse for…um…kissing Sehun, but it is the truth. I didn’t even know it was Sehun until he pushed me away and asked me what the hell I was doing. I’m so sorry. I greatly respect the love the two of you share and I really hope it will last. I didn’t mean to hurt you, Luhan-hyung, I’m really sorry.”

Silence. Luhan kept quiet, unsure of what to say.

“I’m seeing someone!” Jongin blurted out, a faint pink dusting his cheeks.

Luhan’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. _That was unexpected._ ”Oh.” He said slowly, “Um, that’s great! Who is it?”

“Kyungsoo,” Jongin said shyly.

Luhan’s eyes widened, “ _Do_ Kyungsoo?” He asked, to make sure he heard right.

Jongin nodded, eyebrows creasing in confusion, “You know him?”

“He and I worked together when I first came to Korea,” Luhan explained. “Kyungsoo and Baekhyun were friends in high school and I kind of got roped into the mix. I haven’t been in touch with him,” he added apologetically, “But last I heard, he opened up his own café and it’s quite popular.”

“That’s him,” Jongin beamed as if Christmas had come early.

Luhan fought back a laugh at Jongin’s clearly lovestruck face. “Well I’m happy for you, Jongin, congratulations.” He meant those words sincerely.

Jongin broke into a wide grin, “Thank you Luhan-hyung!” He bowed low.

“’Thank you Luhan-hyung!’” Sehun imitated from behind Luhan. He laughed as he wrapped an arm around the waist of a startled Luhan. “What’d he do? Give his blessing for your relationship with Kyungsoo?” Sehun teased.

Jongin spluttered for words, his face bright red.

Luhan laughed, “I just said congratulations,” he told Sehun. “Don’t be mean.”

Sehun smiled, “I love teasing him, you know that.” Luhan sighed. Sehun looked at Jongin, “Class at five?”

“Yep,” Jongin affirmed, “Six-year olds. All yours, since I’ve got the ten-year olds.”

Sehun made a face, “The little devils,” he mumbled.

Luhan laughed and gave him a slight push out the door, “Go teach little kids how to move their bodies.”

Sehun leaned down and captured Luhan’s lips in a sweet kiss. “I’ll be back soon,” he promised.

“I’ll be fine,” Luhan assured Sehun. “I need to finish my commissions anyway.”

Humming contentedly, Sehun bade Luhan goodbye before walking down the hall with Jongin.

Just as Sehun’s and Jongin’s backs were about to disappear into the elevator, Luhan shouted, “Jongin!” Jongin turned around nervously. Luhan smiled gently. “I forgive you,” he told him.

Jongin’s expression was almost comical as utter relief swept across his sharp features.

Luhan continued, “I’m not one to hold grudges. You’re forgiven.”

Jongin almost fell over himself as he hastened to bow low, “Thank you! Thank you!”

He was promptly smacked by Sehun, “Stop sucking up, you ass. You’re embarrassing yourself.”

Luhan laughed as Jongin give Sehun a dirty look, “I was showing my sincere gratitude,” he snapped back.

“What sincere gratitude?” Sehun mocked.

Luhan rolled his eyes. Giving Sehun and Jongin a final wave, he disappeared into the apartment as Sehun and Jongin argued. _Silly kids_ , Luhan mused, shaking his head, as he picked up his brush again.

* * *

 

There were only nine more days till Baekhyun’s birthday and Chanyeol was running out of ideas. To say that he was panicking would be an understatement. Baekhyun had hinted, not-so-subtly, that he wanted a car, but Chanyeol wanted Baekhyun’s birthday to be something special. Extra special to make up for being unconscious during last year’s birthday. He had no problem in getting Baekhyun a car since money was not an issue, but Chanyeol wanted his gift to have more meaning than a car. Something that screams _I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BYUN BAEKHYUN_. He didn’t think a car would portray that.

But Chanyeol was running out of ideas.

He sighed in frustration and resumed pacing around his office.

“Mr. Park? I have a Mr. Wu on line two for you.” The intercom warbled to life on his desk.

Chanyeol stopped his pacing, “Thank you Hana,” he said into the intercom and picked up his phone, “Hey Kris!” He greeted his longtime friend and Luhan’s cousin enthusiastically.

“Chanyeol!” Kris’s deep voice rumbled warmly through the phone, “How’s it going?”

“Same old,” Chanyeol shrugged, even though Kris couldn’t see him.

“And your head?” Kris questioned.

“It’s alright now,” Chanyeol beamed. “Just like the old me.”

“Which means you’re still an idiot,” Kris teased, “How’s the little diva?”

“Baek is good, still driving me crazy, as usual, but I love him all the same. You know, he doesn’t like it when people call him ‘diva,’” Chanyeol reminded him.

“I haven’t forgotten. He’s not here, so I don’t have to fear for my life,” Kris laughed.

“So what’s up?” Chanyeol leaned back in his chair and propped his feet up on his desk.

“I got some big news, you ready for them?” Chanyeol could practically _hear_ the excitement in Kris’s voice, as if the latter could barely contain himself.

Chanyeol laughed, “Let’s hear it,” he challenged.

“You sure?” Kris teased.

“Try me.”

“I’m getting married!” Kris said in a rush.

Chanyeol’s mouth fell open. Out of all the things he knew Kris to be, he was not expecting that. “Whoa.” He said dumbly, “What?”

Kris chuckled, “I know, hard to believe, isn’t it?”

“Very,” Chanyeol nodded vigorously, “Who’s the guy? Or…um…girl?” He added hastily. Sometimes it was hard to remember that there were straight people in this world.

Kris laughed good-naturedly, “He’s a guy, Yeol.”

Chanyeol’s mouth dropped for the second time, “”Wait what?” Kris had been straight for as long as he could remember.

“Yes, Chanyeol, I’m engaged. Yes, I’m engaged to a guy. And yes, this means that I’m finally settling down. I did ask if you were ready for the big news. You did say you were,” Kris shot out jokingly.

“Holy shit,” Chanyeol managed to croak out, “Who are you and what have you done to Kris?”

“That’s easy,” Kris laughed, “I met Zitao.”

Chanyeol choked. “ _Who_?”

“Huang Zitao.”

“Huang Zitao? _The_ Huang Zitao? Huang Zitao of MastaZi Couture? That one? The famous fashion designer?” Chanyeol shot question after question. When he was met with stunned silence at the other end, he coughed awkwardly, embarrassed. “Erm…Baek is a fan,” he said sheepishly.

“I’m sure he is, Yeol,” Kris said teasingly, “Yes, my fiancé is Huang Zitao, the fashion designer.”

“Wow!” Chanyeol whooped in delight, “You got yourself quite a catch there! You need to tell me everything!”

“I will when I get to see you,” Kris assured him, “The real question here is that will you be one of my groomsmen?”

“Is sky blue? Do you even have to ask?” Chanyeol shot back.

“Alright then, I’ll send you the details and such later. You know, when you meet Zitao, please don’t go all fangirl on him. It will only stoke his ego more and then I will have to deal with his stuck-upness for who knows how long.” Kris groaned.

“Ah, such love!” Chanyeol joked. “I’ll contain myself, though I can’t say the same for Baek.”

“Control your diva, Park!” Kris ordered, his voice more amused than commanding.

“Baek’s not for me to control,” Chanyeol smiled gently, thinking of his fiery Baekhyun.

“Ah right. No one can control that hot-tempered vixen of yours.” Kris agreed with a chuckle.

Chanyeol laughed, “I don’t think he’ll appreciate ‘vixen’ either.”

Kris sighed in exasperation, “What he doesn’t know, won’t kill him.”

Chanyeol quieted down, turning serious, “So you’re sure about this? Marriage?”

“I have never been more sure of this in my entire life, Yeol,” Kris answered solemnly. “I’m twenty-six years old and I’m ready to settle down. I’m ready to spend the rest of forever with Zitao.”

“Wow,” Chanyeol breathed out, “This’ll take some getting used to,” he admitted. “But I am happy for you, Kris, congratulations.”

“I’m ecstatic,” Kris told him, his voice bubbling over with excitement.

Chanyeol laughed, “I can definitely tell.”

“It’s just that-when you finally meet that person who you’re supposed to spend the rest of your life with and the feeling that you get when you do-it’s just-it’s-unbelievable and you just feel so happy and-and you want to make every minute of their life happy as well and it’s like you’re floating and-every day, you get to wake up to their face-and it’s-wow-you can’t wait to spend the rest of forever with them-and-it’s just-you know that feeling?” Kris asked in a rush, his words tripping over each other as he tried to get them out.

Chanyeol smiled to himself, “It’s called love, Wu,” he told his friend gently. “And I know because I’ve been experiencing that for the past seven years.”

“It’s the best thing in the world,” Kris agreed, a bit dreamily.

“I’m glad you found the love of your life, Kris, and I’m glad you got struck by love,” Chanyeol told him honestly. “It’s about time anyway,” he added, laughing.

“So what are you going to do with your little diva, Yeol? Since the two of you have been together for so long. Do you guys have any plans for the future?”

Chanyeol pondered the questions carefully, “I think we’re just planning to take it as it comes,” He finally answered, “We’ll see.”

“Whatever it is, I know you two will be together,” Kris said softly, “You two are inseparable.”

“That we are, Kris, that we are.”

“Well I need to go,” Kris said apologetically, “Zitao wants me for…something…Probably wedding related.”

Chanyeol grinned, “Congrats dude, I’m happy for you, I truly am.”

“Thanks Yeol, you’re one of the first people I’ve broken the news to, other than Luhan, of course. It really means a lot for me when you tell me you’re happy for me.” Kris said sincerely.

Chanyeol laughed as he heard a faint voice in the background that went “ _Kris-Gē! Get your ass over here!”_

“Like I said, I’m really happy for you and I think your fiancé is calling for you,” Chanyeol told him.

“He’s so demanding,” Kris mumbled underneath his breath, but Chanyeol heard him anyway. “I better go then.”

The two friends said their goodbyes and hung up.

Chanyeol looked down at his phone, smiling. _Huh,_ he mused, _who would ever_ _thought_ _Kris would be the sappy kind?_ He laughed quietly to himself, _who would ever_ _thought_ _that cold, city-guy Kris would fall in love?_ Chanyeol smiled again, remembering the pure _happiness_ in Kris’s voice when he announced his engagement. It’s amazing how much of a difference a person can make in one’s life. Speaking of that one person…

Chanyeol needed to give his Baekhyun a call. He wanted to see if he can wheedle out what Baekhyun wanted for his birthday, _other than a car._ Chanyeol was just punching in the buttons of a very familiar number when suddenly the tell-tale signs of a faint memory popped up. He closed his eyes in defeat, remembering the signs all too well, and allowed the memory to wash over him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_“Sehunnie, I know what to get Baek for his birthday!” Chanyeol excitedly whispered breathlessly over the phone. He made sure to keep his voice hushed (hard as it was) so that Baekhyun did not hear him._

_Sehun groaned, “It better not be those love coupons,” he warned._

_“What? No-Baek loved those!” Chanyeol argued._

_Sehun continued on, “Or those horrid lime green man-thongs because_ _ohmygod_ _Chanyeol, my eyes-”_

_“What? I-those were a gag gift-” Chanyeol insisted, despite flushing red._

_Sehun plowed over his words, “Or that ultra-deluxe set of galbi, like seriously I swear to god, Chanyeol, you_ _are like_ _the stupidest person alive. Honestly, who gives their lover MEAT for their birthday-”_

_“Baek likes meat ok!” Chanyeol protested._

_But Sehun went on as if he didn’t hear, “God, Chanyeol, now that I think about it, you have never given any decent gifts and it’s quite sad really-”_

_“I’m proposing to him, you brat!” Chanyeol snapped._

_“Like even the gifts you’ve given me sucked_ _and-what_ _?” Sehun paused in his rant, “You’re what?”_

_Chanyeol let out a long-suffering sigh, “I’m proposing to Baekhyun for his birthday,” he mumbled._

_Silence._

_“Holy crap, Chanyeol has suddenly grown balls!” Sehun whooped, “As well as a sense of gift-giving! Congratulations!”_

_Chanyeol scowled, “You little shit,” he said, though his voice was more fond than angry._

_Sehun laughed, “Have you picked out a ring yet?”_

_Oh yeah. He needed one of those._

_“…No.”_

_“_ _Well_ _you better get one then!” Sehun chirped happily._

_“…Right.”_

_***_

_“Once I get the ring, what do I do? I need to plan this! It has to be perfect! It’s Baekhyun’s birthday!” Chanyeol rambled. Sehun was in the seat next to him. To say Chanyeol was panicking would be an understatement._

_Sehun rolled his eyes. ”Calm down,_ _hyung_ _,” he said dryly, “I didn’t agree to go with you just so I can hear how nervous you are.”_

_“I’m getting married, Sehun! Married!” Chanyeol shouted._

_“No, you’re not,” Sehun rebuked calmly._

_Chanyeol looked at him, confused. “I’m not?”_

_“Well, for one, you still haven’t gotten a ring yet,” Sehun reminded him. “And two, you haven’t proposed to Baekhyun yet. And three, Baekhyun hasn’t said yes yet because you still haven’t gotten a ring and haven’t proposed.”_

_“What if he says no, Sehun? What do I do?” Chanyeol was borderline hyperventilating._

_“Oh my god,” Sehun rolled his eyes again, “You think Baekhyun will say no?” he asked incredulously._

_Chanyeol slammed a hand against the steering wheel. “Yes!”_

_“Chanyeol,” Sehun said seriously, “You and Baekhyun have been together for like seven years. And even before you two officially got together, the two of you have been awkward flirting with each other since like childhood days. You really think Baekhyun will say no after all those years? Besides, the two of you act like a married couple anyway.”_

_“Right, ok,” Chanyeol tried to get his breathing rate down to normal. “I’m just-”_

_“Stupid?” Sehun offered._

_Chanyeol glowered at him. “I was going to say_ _nervous_ _.”_

_Sehun shrugged, “Stupid works too.”_

_“Hey!” Chanyeol said indignantly. “That’s_ _hyung_ _to you!”_

 _“Ok fine, you’re a stupid_ _hyung_ _,” Sehun said innocently._

_“You brat!” Chanyeol lifted a hand from the steering wheel to smack Sehun lightly when there was a sudden screech._

_“CHANYEOL WATCH OUT!” Sehun screamed when he saw a truck barreling towards them. Chanyeol tried to turn the car away from the truck, but he was too slow._

_CRASH!_

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Chanyeol jolted out of his memory, eyes screwed shut and breathing hard. When his breathing went down to normal, he opened his eyes. He glanced down at his phone at his hand, which still had Baekhyun’s number across the screen. A slow smile spread across his face as he cleared out the number on the screen and began typing out another familiar number. He pressed, “ _CALL.”_

“Sehun,” he said, as soon the line picked up, not giving the other a chance to even say hello. “Come with me.”

He had finally figured out what to get Baek for his birthday.

* * *

 

“Baek,” A nose and a pair of lips wiggled their way into Baekhyun’s neck. “Wake up,” a deep voice whispered.

Baekhyun gave a quiet whine of protest, before shuffling away from the intrusions, trying to cling to the last tendrils of sleep.

“Baek, come on,” the nose and lips became more insistent. The lips attached themselves to Baekhyun’s ear lobe and nipped softly. “Wake up.” Hot breath fanned across Baekhyun’s ear.

“Park Chanyeol,” Baekhyun grumbled, “Today’s my birthday and I would appreciate it very much if you let me sleep.”

“But Baek!” Chanyeol protested, “I got the entire day planned out!”

Baekhyun burrowed further into his pillow, “Your schedule can wait,” he mumbled, voice muffled by his pillow.

“Baek, I have a list of surprises for you and you’re not gonna see any of them if you stay asleep,” Chanyeol threatened.

That did it.

Chanyeol grinned as Baekhyun’s head popped out from the mass of blankets as if there was a spring attached to it.

“Surprises?” Baekhyun asked eagerly, rubbing the remnants of sleep from his eyes.

Chanyeol sent a ten thousand watt smile toward his direction, “Yep!” He nodded. “A day’s worth of surprises.”

Baekhyun fought miserably to keep down the smile that was threatening to split his cheeks but failed, “You giant idiot,” he hissed, unable to keep the happiness from leaking out. “You don’t have to go all out for me.” The glee in his voice was unmistakable, however. They both knew how much Baekhyun loved getting surprises.

Chanyeol beamed happily at him and laughed, “Well it’s your birthday, Baek. Why not spoil you?” He shrugged. He tugged Baekhyun out of bed and pushed him gently into the bathroom. “Now go get ready, Surprise #1 is on the way!”

When Baekhyun exited the bathroom, Chanyeol was nowhere to be seen. “Yeol?” He called across the apartment, anticipation bubbling in the pit of his stomach. There was a loud crash from the kitchen. “Yeol?” He was now starting to get slightly worried.

“I’m fine! I’m fine!” CRASH! “Ouch!”

“Yeol?” Baekhyun walked slowly toward the kitchen.

“I’m fine! Baek, please stay in the bedroom,” Chanyeol called back.

“Are you…uh…ok?”

“STAY IN THE BEDROOM BAEK!” Chanyeol bellowed. There was another crash.

Baekhyun snickered to himself. _I’ll just leave Chanyeol to fend for himself. It’s my birthday anyway_. Smirking, he headed back to their bedroom.

About ten minutes later, Chanyeol poked his head in sheepishly. “You…um…ready for your day of surprises?”

Baekhyun clapped his hands excitedly, “Yes!”

Chanyeol smiled, “Well I know I’m not the world’s best cook,” he admitted, “And I can’t compare myself to your cooking skills-”

“Chanyeol, you’re stalling,” Baekhyun cut him off impatiently.

“Ok, ok!” Chanyeol walked in the room, carrying a tray. “Um…Here’s uh, Surprise #1.” He presented Baekhyun with a tray laden with items. “Breakfast!”

Baekhyun looked at the tray and felt a surge of _feelings_. Feelings of happiness, of wanting to laugh and cry at the same time, and of course of love. They ballooned in his chest, making him hard to breathe. “Yeol…this is...” Baekhyun became overcome with emotions, mainly love for his huge dumb giant. He was unable to go on because he was currently choking on feelings.

Chanyeol scratched his head, embarrassed, “I know…um…it’s not the best… but um, I made it…so um…yeah.”

Baekhyun wanted to cry because honestly Chanyeol has done so much for him. He also wanted to laugh because his breakfast consisted of a simple toasted ham and kimchi sandwich on oddly shaped bread, a plate of scrambled eggs that had a lopsided heart drawn in ketchup, a small bowl of cereal, and a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice. Normal people would not make such a big deal out of this, but to Baekhyun, it made Baekhyun struggle to swallow the huge lump in his throat, because Chanyeol had made it especially for him, and dear god, he loves _loves_ Park Chanyeol.

“I…um…kinda burnt…the toast,” Chanyeol informed him nervously. “So…um…I uh…cut some parts off.”

Ah, so that explained why the bread was so misshapen.

“It’s perfect, Yeol,” Baekhyun whispered thickly.

“Will you…try…it…?” Chanyeol asked hesitantly.

Smiling, Baekhyun dug heartily into his breakfast that Chanyeol had painstakingly put together. Chanyeol hovered nervously in front of him, intently watching Baekhyun eat. “How…is it…?”

Baekhyun swallowed his mouthful of the sandwich. Sure, the bread was a little too crunchy, but he wasn’t one to complain. “It’s great,” he assured Chanyeol, flashing a smile. “Delicious,” he added, to appease Chanyeol, who didn’t look too convinced.

Chanyeol relaxed, “Ok, while you finish up your breakfast, I have Surprise #2.”

Baekhyun watched curiously as Chanyeol walked into their closet. “What are you doing in there, idiot?” He called while munching on his sandwich. “I already know you’re gay for me.”

“So egotistical,” Chanyeol laughed. “Calm down, I’m just getting something.” There was some rustling. “Are you ready for the second surprise, Baek?”

Nearly trembling from anticipation and excitement, Baekhyun practically yelled “YES!”

“Ok, I’m coming out!” Chanyeol walked out, his guitar from the high school days slung around his neck.

Baekhyun cocked his head, “And what are you going to do with that?”

Chanyeol laughed, “Patience, Baek, is a virtue,” he told the brunette. Baekhyun shot him a look, as if to say, _Hurry up and show me already, you giant idiot._ Which, knowing Baekhyun, it was _exactly_ what he was saying. Chanyeol laughed again, before turning serious. “So I know I’m definitely not as good of a singer as you, Baek, but my second surprise is this.” And with saying that, he began strumming. Baekhyun watched admiringly as Chanyeol played his guitar. Then Chanyeol began singing and Baekhyun gasped, eyes widening. It was Baekhyun’s favorite song by Bumkey. The song had been released their second year of high school and Baekhyun had instantly fallen in love with it, singing it all the time. And he had reason to. He had gotten into his first musical, auditioning with that song, with Chanyeol playing guitar as his accompaniment. The song was, in a way, _theirs._ Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s unofficial song.

[Baekyeol - Love Song](https://youtu.be/A5jVCjWKkBA)

“ _I do believe all the love you give,_

_All of the things you do_

_Love you, love you_

_I wouldn’t leave, wanna keep you near_

_Cause I feel the same way too_

_Love you, love you_

_Want you to know that I’m with you”_

Chanyeol’s voice cracked a bit on the high notes, but Baekhyun smiled encouragingly at him.

Chanyeol smiled back and continued on with the chorus that the both of them knew so well.

“ _I will love you and love you and love you_

_Gonna hold you and hold you and squeeze you_

_I will please_ _you for_ _all times_

_I don’t wanna lose you and lose you and lose you_

_Cause I need you, I need you, I need you_

_So I want you to be mine_

_You are beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,_

_Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, Baek_

_You are beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,_

_Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, Baek_ ”

Chanyeol stopped singing as he played the bridge and Baekhyun tried his best to choke down his tears, but to no avail. He was filled to the brim, no _overflowing_ , with love for Chanyeol.

Chanyeol started on the refrain and this time, Baekhyun joined in, his high voice blending in perfectly with Chanyeol’s deep timbre voice. Together, the two of them finished up the song.

“Did you like that?” Chanyeol asked, carefully leaning his guitar against the wall. Baekhyun nodded, hiccupping. Chanyeol smiled, “Then why are you crying?”

“Because I love you so much, you big dummy!” Baekhyun wailed.

Chanyeol laughed, reaching out for Baekhyun, “I didn’t know you express your love like this,” he teased.

“YAH!” Baekhyun sniffled, hitting Chanyeol on the chest.

Chanyeol laughed again, “Love you too, Baek.”

The two of them sat like that for a while until Baekhyun broke the silence, “So… Surprise #3?” He asked hopefully.

To his surprise, Chanyeol froze.

“There isn’t a Surprise #3?” Baekhyun asked, sounded like a heartbroken puppy.

“There…is,” Chanyeol said slowly.

“Liar, you totally forgot, did you?” Baekhyun prodded.

“No, I wasn’t kidding when I said I have a day filled with surprises, Baek. I…um…just…don’t know…if I want to do it now…or later…” Chanyeol said.

“Well as it is my birthday, I want Surprise #3 now,” Baekhyun grinned deviously.

Chanyeol shifted uncomfortably, and Baekhyun noticed how Chanyeol seemed…nervous? Chanyeol sucked in a deep breath and closed his eyes. “Ok,” he mumbled to himself.

Baekhyun raised an eyebrow as Chanyeol whispered, “You got this, Park Chanyeol, you can do this.”

_Why the hell was Chanyeol giving himself a pep talk? Just exactly what is Chanyeol planning?_

“Ok. Ok,” Chanyeol blew out a long breath and opened his eyes. “But before I give you Surprise #3, you have to promise me something, Baek.”

Baekhyun quirked an eyebrow, “Okay. And what is this promise?” He asked slowly.

“Promise me that no matter what happens, we’ll still be together,” Chanyeol said in one breath.

Baekhyun’s eyebrows drew together in confusion, “Just exactly what are you planning?”

“Promise me we’ll be together, Baek.”

“What-?” Baekhyun began but Chanyeol cut him off.

“Please. Baek,” Chanyeol seemed desperate, “Promise.” He pleaded.

Slightly worried, Baekhyun nodded, “I promise.”

“Promise _what_ , Baek?”

“Uh, I promise that we’ll be together? Forever?” Baekhyun was taken aback at the urgency of Chanyeol’s tone.

“Do you really promise that, Baek?” Chanyeol looked intently into his eyes.

“ _Yes_ , I promise that. I really do,” Baekhyun said, wondering what was going on. “Come on, it can’t be _that_ bad, right?” He joked, as an attempt to lighten the atmosphere. Chanyeol remained serious and didn’t even crack a smile. Serious Chanyeol made Baekhyun anxious. Serious Chanyeol never really appeared unless something big was happening. “Yeol?”

Chanyeol took in another deep breath. “Ok, so my third surprise…” he began and trailed off. “Baek, a year ago, I got into a bad accident and lost all my memories of you, of us, of everyone I knew and loved, of my entire life basically.”

“Chanyeol, stop-” Baekhyun did not want to relive those moments again. He wanted to forget whatever happened a year ago. It was one of the worst moments of his life-he almost lost Chanyeol for heaven’s sake!

“No, Baek,” Chanyeol interrupted him, “This is part of my third surprise.”

“I don’t want to talk about the accident, Yeol. It was a hard time for me,” Baekhyun insisted.

“I know, Baek, I know,” Chanyeol said softly, “But let me finish.” He waited for Baekhyun’s approval. Baekhyun sighed and nodded for him to go ahead. “I didn’t really come back to you until about five months after the accident and I’m sorry for that.”

“It’s not your fault, Yeol-”

“But during those five months, Baek,” Chanyeol talked over Baekhyun. “When I was so confused about everything, you had infinite patience for me. You’re so strong, Baek, and I admire you so much for that. I think I owe the majority of my recovery to you, Baek. Because without you and your belief that I would return back to you, I probably would still be in a state of confusion about my entire existence. You brought me back, Baek.”

Baekhyun was stunned. Him? Strong? Every day, after the accident, Baekhyun would either call on Luhan for moral support or end up in a mess of quiet sobbing after Chanyeol fell asleep. Some days, it would be both. Luhan was his rock, his anchor. Without Luhan, Baekhyun would’ve lost hope a long time ago.

“I can’t imagine how hard it was for you, Baek,” Chanyeol continued, looking impossibly sad, “I know I must’ve hurt you immensely and I am so sorry for that. I never wanted to cause you any type of pain, Baek. I’m so so sorry.”

“For the last time, Chanyeol, it’s not your fault,” Baekhyun snapped, frustrated, “I’m not blaming you.”

“I’m blaming myself, Baek,” Chanyeol insisted, “I left you alone for five months. Anyone else would’ve left, would’ve given up, would’ve walked away. But you didn’t, Baek, and I am so thankful for that.”

“I couldn’t walk away from you, Yeol. I tried to get Luhan to do that, because Sehun was hurting him so much. He asked me if I could do the same with you, and that hit me hard. Luhan’s words made me realize I can’t give up on you. He made me realize that no matter how hard things get, I should never give up,” Baekhyun whispered.

“And I thank you for that, Baek,” Chanyeol said earnestly, “Without you, I don’t know where I’ll be. And that is why, a year ago, I made up my mind. I can’t live without you, Baek. That day of the accident, May 5th, I was out getting your birthday present. I’m giving it to you today, Baek. I am sorry if it’s a year late.”

Baekhyun cocked his head curiously, “And what would that be?”

“You still remember your promise to me earlier, right?” Chanyeol asked to make sure.

Baekhyun nodded, “Yes.”

“Good, I hope you’ll give me that same answer when I’m done.”

“Chanyeol, what-” Baekhyun was about to ask when Chanyeol suddenly dropped to one knee in front of him. Baekhyun gasped, “Chanyeol-”

“Byun Baekhyun,” Chanyeol began, “We’ve been friends ever since childhood. Honestly I think I’ve been in love with you ever since I helped you up when you fell from that swing in the park; my six-year-old heart just didn’t know it back then. But ever since then, I vowed to protect you from falling, from bullies, from whatever will hurt you. I admit, I didn’t really follow through that vow last year, but from now on, if you let me, I will protect you better and I will keep protecting you. That song I sang to you earlier, your favorite song, is like preparation for _this_. I want to love you forever, Baek. You are everything to me. Baek, we’ve been boyfriends for six years and eight months and now I would like you to be my husband for many more. Byun Baekhyun, will you marry me?” Chanyeol produced a Harry Winston ring box from his pocket. He opened it to reveal a ring with sparkling diamonds.

Baekhyun couldn’t speak, let alone breathe. This was surreal. This was a dream. Chanyeol had just _proposed_ to him. He made a tiny squeaking sound. Chanyeol was still looking expectantly at him. It just occurred to Baekhyun that he should probably give Chanyeol a response. “I-uh…er…yes…” Baekhyun managed to splutter out.

Chanyeol’s face split into a wide, ecstatic grin. “What was that, Baek?” He asked innocently, smiling ear to ear.

“Yes.”

“I can’t hear you!” Chanyeol sang.

“YES PARK CHANYEOL, I WILL MARRY YOU,” Baekhyun shouted.

Chanyeol laughed happily, “I heard you the first time, Baek.”

Baekhyun attempted to scowl, “Then why did you ask me multiple times?” he huffed.

“I want to hear the confirmation multiple times,” Chanyeol beamed.

“Park Chanyeol-” Baekhyun frowned. But somehow to his utter horror, he began bawling.

Chanyeol reached out, hugging Baekhyun close to his chest, laughing slightly. “Why are you crying?” He asked, amused.

“Because-Because you just p-proposed!” Baekhyun blubbered.

Chanyeol laughed, “Why are you crying because of that?”

“I just wanted a car, you big idiot!” Baekhyun wailed, “But you proposed to me!”

Chanyeol sighed, shaking his head, but he was still smiling. “Come on,” he tugged Baekhyun up by the hand.

“Where-where are we going?” Baekhyun stuttered as Chanyeol ran out of their apartment and down the stairs, not even bothering waiting for an elevator. Chanyeol didn’t reply, but merely pulled Baekhyun along. “Yeol-”

“Surprise #4,” Chanyeol proclaimed, gesturing to where a gleaming, white Mercedes convertible was parked next to the curb.

“Holy…” Baekhyun breathed, “Yeol…”

“Wanna go for a ride?” Chanyeol held up a set of shiny keys. After that day when Chanyeol had picked out the ring, he had decided to go by the car dealership because…well he had thought it would sweeten the deal and he liked spoiling Baekhyun anyway.

“Yeol,” Baekhyun sobbed, fresh tears springing to his eyes, “I love you so much.”

Chanyeol cocked his head, “Is this because I got you a car?” He teased.

“No,” Baekhyun shook his head violently, “You’re too good for me.” He whispered thickly, “You take care of me. You… spoil me too much. You _love_ me. You’re…too good.”

“I take care of you because I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Baek,” Chanyeol said gently. “I love you so much so I want you for the rest of my life.”  
“Ok,” Baekhyun breathed.

Chanyeol grinned, “Ok?”

Baekhyun smacked his arm, “That means ‘yes,’ you big dummy.”

Chanyeol chuckled, “I know.”

* * *

 

“Sehun!” Luhan smacked Sehun’s wandering hand. “Stop it! I need to get the phone!” He struggled toward his ringing phone, but two strong arms pulled him back until he hit a broad chest. “Sehun!” Luhan struggled against Sehun’s arms. “It could be one of my customers who need me!”

“But I need you,” Sehun insisted.

“Oh Sehun,” Luhan hissed.

“Lu-Han,” Sehun said petulantly, enunciating his name slowly.

“Let me answer the phone!” Luhan gestured toward his phone.

“Come on, Lu, your customers can wait. I need you more!” Sehun protested, hugging Luhan even closer to him.

Luhan managed to turn himself fully around so that he could glare at Sehun. Sehun gave him one of his rare charming smiles and blinked innocently. “Urgh!” Luhan struggled fruitlessly. “Sehun.” Luhan growled.

Sehun raised an eyebrow, “Hot.” He commented, grinning cheekily.

Luhan glared some more, _“NO_ Sehun. Now _is not the time._ ”

Sehun only laughed, “But Luhan, it’s always the time with you.”

“Se-”

Before Luhan could glare at Sehun again, Sehun had rolled on top of him, effectively cutting off any forms of protest as he pressed a hungry kiss to Luhan’s mouth. “I’m impatient, Lulu,” he whispered, “You know that.”

“Sehun,” Luhan made another feeble attempt to get his eager boyfriend off of him.

“I want _you_ , Lulu,” Sehun nibbled on Luhan’s earlobe as his hand wandered downward. “ _Now_.” He pressed hot kisses down the span of Luhan’s flawless neck.

“Oh fuck it,” Luhan breathed, giving up, as his eyes clouded over with lust. “My customers can wait.”

Sehun smirked, “That’s the spirit.” He kissed his way back up Luhan’s neck. “That wasn’t so hard,” he cooed. He leaned down to kiss Luhan’s mouth but the shrill ringing of Luhan’s phone interrupted them. Sighing heavily, Sehun sat up, scowling, as he reached for the stupid annoying object that was keeping him from Luhan. “Go answer this stupid thing,” he sighed in defeat.

Luhan peeked at him from below his eyelashes, “I thought they can wait,” he said innocently. Sehun cursed silently in his head.

“Your clients are extremely demanding,” Sehun shot back, “Better to get it over with instead of listening to your phone ring over and over again.”

Luhan laughed at the disgruntled expression on Sehun’s face, “Later,” he promised, giving Sehun a quick peck as he reached for his phone. “Hello?” Sehun flopped back to his side with a groan and wrapped his arms around Luhan, curling into him.

“ _OHMYFUCKINGGOD YOU FINALLY PICKED UP, YOU ASSHOLE!_ ” A very familiar, very loud voice screamed from the phone.

Luhan groaned as he and Sehun shared exasperated looks, “Baek.” He sighed.

“ _Well hello to you too,_ _poopface, what the hell were_ _you doing?”_

“ _He's_ the reason you needed to answer the phone so desperately?” Sehun whispered, scandalized, as he traced intricate patterns down Luhan’s back, making Luhan shiver.

Luhan sighed again and pushed Sehun’s arms away, “Nothing.”

Sehun, however, had other plans. He grinned mischievously as he slithered up to Luhan, pressing himself against him. He swung a leg over Luhan as he clung to him like a koala.

 _“Then why the hell did it take you so long to pick up the phone?”_ Baekhyun demanded.

“Maybe because it’s…” Luhan paused to look at the clock, “Eight on a Saturday morning?”

“ _Well get up and smell the fucking roses because I’ve got news for_ _youuuuuuu_ _!_ ”

“What is it?” Luhan asked wearily, trying his best to ignore the soft kisses Sehun was pressing to his bare back.

“ _Take a guess!_ ” Baekhyun sang happily.

Luhan sighed heavily, “What-?”

“ _I’M_ _GETTING MARRIED!_ ” Baekhyun screamed before Luhan could ask again. “ _I’M ENGAGED!_ _I’M_ _GONNA BE A MARRIED MAN!”_

Luhan could feel a headache coming on, “Congratulations, who’s the unlucky guy?” he asked sarcastically. He held the phone away from his ear as Baekhyun burst into a round of indignant screaming. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to melt into Sehun’s tender kissing on his shoulders.

“ _ASSHOLE!_ ” Baekhyun raged.

“Are you done?” Luhan asked when Baekhyun paused to take in a breath.

“ _What kind of a friend are you?_ ”

“The kind that would like very much to go back to bed,” Luhan responded. He was about to say more when Sehun grazed his foot ever so slightly by his crotch. Sehun grinned cheekily before kneading Luhan’s crotch with his foot. A surprised moan came out of Luhan’s mouth.

“ _Are you having sex with Sehun?_ ” Baekhyun gasped indignantly.

“No! I-” Luhan protested but Sehun licked at Luhan’s nape and sucked at his sensitive spot, causing Luhan to moan again.

“ _YOU’RE THE WORST BEST FRIEND EVER! HOW CAN YOU BE GETTING IT ON WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND WHILE I JUST GOT ENGAGED? YOU ASSHOLE!”_ Baekhyun shrieked.

Sehun kissed Luhan hungrily before he could say anything, leaving Luhan breathless. “It was nice talking to you, Baekhyun-hyung, but Luhan and I are a bit busy at the moment! Congratulations on your engagement, by the way!” He called cheerfully into the phone. “Oh! And happy birthday hyung!”

“ _YOU LITTLE SHI-_ ” Sehun hung up abruptly and set the phone back on the nightstand, a satisfied smirk gracing his features.

“So, where were we?” He said happily, flopping down by Luhan’s side.

“You…” Luhan sighed, “You are a little shit,” he shook his head, but there was a fond smile playing about his lips.

“Yeah?” Sehun nuzzled into Luhan’s neck, “You love me anyway.”

Luhan laughed and pulled him up so that they can actually kiss properly this time, “Yes I do.”

* * *

 

“THAT LITTLE SHIT!” Baekhyun screamed in frustration. Hissing furiously, he punched in Luhan’s number forcefully.

Chanyeol laughed, and leaned over to pluck the phone from Baekhyun’s hands, “Leave them be, Baek.”

Angry hissing came out of Baekhyun’s mouth, “Leave them be? It’s my birthday! And I just got engaged! And my so-called best friend is more interested in having sex with _that little shit_ than being happy for me. Leave them be?! Are you crazy?”

“I must be,” Chanyeol answered solemnly, “Crazy for you.” He flashed a shit eating grin.

Baekhyun groaned as he smacked Chanyeol on the chest, “Ew, that’s so cheesy. Don’t you ever say that again, Park Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol laughed, “I don’t want you wasting your energy on being mad at Luhan-hyung, Baek. Did you forget I have an entire day of surprises planned?”

“What’s Surprise #5?” Baekhyun asked eagerly, his anger at Luhan and Sehun forgotten.

Chanyeol shook his head, yet laughed at the same time, “I love you,” he said, smiling goofily.

Baekhyun huffed, “Good!”

Chanyeol grinned widely, “Alright Baek, ready for Surprise #5?”

* * *

 

Luhan flopped onto the couch as Sehun, Chanyeol, Kris, and Jongin trickled into his apartment. They were hiding from Baekhyun, or as they dubbed, “ _Baekzilla_.” “Who the hell allowed Baekhyun to get married?” He groaned.

Sehun dropped down next to him, his head landing on Luhan’s shoulder. “I blame Chanyeol.”

Kris sagged against the wall, “Yeol, your diva is a real piece of work,” he grumbled to the wall.

Chanyeol threw himself down onto the floor, limbs splaying everywhere. “I didn’t know Baek was gonna be like… _this_ ,” he complained to the carpet.

The couch dipped as Jongin flung himself at the last remaining spot on it. “You didn’t know? It’s _Byun Baekhyun_ for heaven’s sake!”

“Right,” Chanyeol mumbled, “Forgot.”

“Why does Kyungsoo have to be friends with Baekhyun-hyung?” Jongin moaned, “I had to pick tablecloths today! There is no difference between Lamour satin and Charmeuse satin!”

“Well I had to pick invitations today. Who knew there was a difference between cardstock and colored, thin cardboard? And ‘Canal Blue’ and ‘Eggshell Blue’ looks the same to me!” Sehun retorted.

Luhan held up typography samples, “Sehun-ah, what’s the difference between ‘Parisienne’ and ‘Dancing Script?’ And ‘Cylburn,’ ‘Coneria Script,’ and ‘Freebooter Script’ all looks the same!”

“Luhan, I love you,” Sehun groaned, “But what in the world makes you think that I would know?”

“ _You’re_ the author,” Luhan shot back.

“Hannie, my books are published in either ‘Garamond’ or ‘Times New Roman’ aka the _simple_ fonts. And plus, I never choose the fonts anyway, my publisher does that for me. I just send in my manuscript.” Sehun explained wearily.

Luhan tossed his typography samples down onto the floor in defeat. “Baekhyun expects five fonts by this evening,” he groaned.

“Why did I offer to help?” Kris moaned, sinking down to his feet. “I had to scope out venues today. My feet _kill_ after running all over the city.”

“I had to pick flowers today,” Chanyeol announced, looking terrified. “It was a nightmare.”

“Shouldn’t be that bad,” Sehun said offhandedly, “You’re only picking our boutonnieres, right?”

“No, no, no,” Chanyeol shook his head violently, “Try flowers _for the entire wedding_ ,” he hissed, “Boutonnieres, garlands, decorations for the stage, flowers for tables and stuff, _everything_.”

There was a murmur of hushed horror as everyone sympathized for Chanyeol.

Chanyeol’s phone suddenly rang. “It’s Baek,” he said, looking scared.

“Better answer it,” Luhan groaned, “Otherwise, he’ll start bothering all of us.”

Hesitatingly, Chanyeol answered, “Hey…Baek,” he said cautiously.

 _“Chanyeol, are all the flowers picked out?”_ They could all hear Baekhyun through the phone.

Chanyeol blanched, “Uh…almost?”

“ _Chanyeol, the wedding is four months away! How the hell are you supposed to finish things on time?”_

Chanyeol flinched, “Uh…I’ll get…right on it!” He promised weakly.

“ _You better!_ ” Baekhyun hung up with a sharp click.

Chanyeol gazed at his phone in his hand, “I’m doomed,” he voiced sadly.

“It’ll…uh…be okay?” Luhan offered lamely.

Chanyeol sank his head in his hands in an exhausted sigh, “You don’t understand. I don’t know the difference between a rose and a ranunculus or a bunch of baby’s breath and asters. How the hell am I supposed to pick flowers for the _entire_ wedding?”

No one knew how to make Chanyeol feel better. After all, they can’t even tell the difference of the things Baekhyun had assigned to each of them.

The ringing of Luhan’s phone interrupted the silence.

With a heavy sigh, Luhan answered without even checking the caller ID. “Hello?”

“ _Luhan, you better be done with choosing those fonts, otherwise I’m gonna have your head!_ ” Baekhyun shrieked in lieu of a greeting.

“Uh…” Luhan looked at the typography samples scattered all over the floor.

“ _How many do you have picked out?_ ” Baekhyun demanded.

“Uh…” Luhan looked at the others for help. None of them met his gaze. “Well…” He started in a small voice.

“ _OH MY FUCKING GOD LUHAN! DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU HAVEN’T PICKED OUT ANY_?” Baekhyun screamed.

“No! Uh…Well I um…Have some ideas,” Luhan added lamely.

“ _WHY CAN’T ANYONE DO ANYTHING THESE DAYS?”_

Luhan winced, “Baek-”

“ _Is Sehun with you? He’s not picking up his phone and I need to know whether he’s done with the list I gave him._ ” Baekhyun cut him off before he could continue. Luhan looked up to where a terrified Sehun was shaking his head frantically.

“Uh… No…Why would he be with me? I thought he was off looking for…um caterers or whatever,” Luhan said weakly.

“ _You two are attached at the hip_ ,” Baekhyun retorted, “ _And for the record, he’s picking invitations not caterers_ ,” he snapped.

Luhan cringed, “Uh…sorry…I didn’t know…”

Baekhyun huffed, “ _Just get those fonts done!_ ” And with that, he hung up.    

“Yeol, your diva scares me a little bit,” Kris broke the shocked silence.

“Try a _huge_ bit,” Jongin muttered under his breath.

Luhan’s phone rang again. “Look Baek, I promise I’ll get right on it-”

“ _What in the freaking world were you thinking?_ ” Yixing’s distressed voice sounded.

“Xing?” Luhan was surprised, “What’s going on?”

“’ _What’s going on’ Do you even have to ask?”_ Yixing fired back angrily.

Luhan was taken aback, “What are you talking about?”

“ _Ge,_ ” Yixing said exasperated, “ _Why the hell are you friends with the one they call Byun Baekhyun?”_

“I-what?”

“ _Or more importantly, why the hell am I the only one paired with Baekhyun himself? Where are the rest you cowards who are neglecting your duties and avoiding Baekhyun?”_ Yixing burst out. “ _Why the hell did you volunteer me to help plan this damn wedding, Luhan?!”_

“Oh…” Luhan trailed off. “…Um…Sorry…?”

 _“THAT’S ALL YOU CAN SAY?!”_ Yixing suddenly screamed, making Luhan wince. “ _You set me up with the devil and all you can say is sorry?!”_

“Hey,” Chanyeol started, prying himself off the floor. “Baek’s not…” he broke off when everyone turned to look at him incredulously. “Never mind,” he mumbled, slowly sinking back onto the floor.

“Look,” Luhan said slowly, trying to placate his brother, “I didn’t know he was going to be like this,” he argued pleadingly, echoing Chanyeol’s words from earlier.

“ _You didn’t know?_ ” Yixing screeched indignantly. “ _You’re best friends with this guy, for heaven’s sake! How do you not know?”_

“It’s probably not going to be that bad,” Luhan reassured weakly.

“ _Oh, that’s easy for you to say,_ ” his brother hissed, “ _You don’t have to spend time glued to the little devil’s side, helping him pick out tuxedos and shit. You cowards are probably relaxing, or hiding, in your apartment, while I have to suffer and try to pick out microscopic details among all the tuxedoes ‘Baekdevil’ has been trying on!”_

Luhan swallowed hard, “Xing, I’m so sorry. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

“ _Crap,_ ” Yixing suddenly sounded panicked. “ _The devil is here! I gotta go, but Luhan, you’re not getting out of this easily. I am going to MURDER your cowardly ass.”_

“I’m your brother!” Luhan protested, “You love me, you can’t kill me.”

“ _You are going to die,”_ Yixing threatened.

Luhan gulped, knowing just how deadly his brother can be. Yixing was an angel, but when angered, he was just outright murderous. “I love you!” He squeaked nervously, trying to sweeten the situation.

“ _You’re still going to die,”_ Yixing hissed and hung up with a sharp click.

The door suddenly flung open, startling everyone as they leaped to their feet, expecting _Baekzilla_.

It was not the short, fuming person who was Chanyeol’s significant other that they were all currently hiding from.

The man who walked into the apartment, however, was equally frightening, if not, even more terrifying than Baekhyun. He was tall and had an extremely menacing face with dark circles underneath his eyes.

“…Tao…?” Kris stammered in shock, addressing his husband. “What are you doing here?”

The famed fashion designer rolled his eyes and casted a disdainful look about him. “I’m supposed to check up on you guys.”

Luhan hurriedly tried to gather his typography samples with his foot. The gesture did not go unnoticed by Tao.

Tao’s lips curled up in a smirk, “Clearly you guys have done a lot.”

Jongin eyed Tao, “You sound like you’re gonna turn us in or something.”

Tao shrugged nonchalantly, “I might. I could use a laugh.”

“Who are you going to turn us to?” Chanyeol wondered aloud.

Tao grinned, “Baekhyun.”

“Wait no!” Kris flinched, panicked, “Babe, you can’t! He’ll kill us!”

Tao burst out laughing, “Wow you guys are hilarious,” he shook his head. “I’m here for a different reason actually. You see, after Kris volunteered himself to help with this wedding-”

“I regret every minute of that decision,” Kris muttered underneath his breath.

Tao shot him a pointed look and Kris shut up immediately. “I met Baekhyun-hyung, who was tuxedo shopping at one of my stores.” He proclaimed with an air of arrogance.

Luhan felt his stomach sink. He had a very bad feeling about this. The others apparently shared his sentiments as they shifted uneasily.

“After talking to him, I took quite a liking to him,” Tao continued.

“Of course you did,” Kris groaned, “He probably started gushing about how he loved your work and you, being you, ate that up.”

“ _Would you quit interrupting me?!_ ” Tao hissed, aiming a deadly glare at his husband. Kris raised his hands up in defeat, shaking his head. Everyone else viewed the exchange with a mix of awe and fear. It was disconcerting to see Kris so docile. “What can I say? I love my fans.”

Luhan almost wanted to laugh at the absurdity of the situation, but kept quiet for fear of Tao. Jongin was wearing an expression of half disgust and half disbelief.

“I agreed to style his entire wedding party, which is you guys,” Tao announced airily, “I cleared up some space in my extremely busy schedule to size you guys and this will happen at precisely nine tomorrow morning. Kris will give you directions to my office.” Tao glanced around impassively, his gaze making everyone in the room flinch. "I expect all of you will be at my office tomorrow morning at nine. No objections," he ordered.

Everyone nodded meekly, despite the fact that all of them except for Sehun and Jongin were older than him.

Tao smirked, sending fear straight into their spines, "Or else I'll tell Baekhyun."

Spinning right on his feet, he strode out of the apartment, closing the door after him sharply.

Luhan wanted to ask Kris how in the world he fell in love with a guy like Tao but he couldn’t help but notice that Tao and Baekhyun made a very dangerous, very deadly combo.

"We are so doomed," Chanyeol repeated sadly.

The others couldn't agree more.

* * *

 

Luhan groaned as he rotated his shoulders. It was one in the afternoon and Tao had finally allowed Sehun, Chanyeol, and him to be free. Luhan was starving and felt that Tao had taken an absurd amount of measurements. Poor Kyungsoo, Jongin, Kris, and Yixing was still stuck at Tao’s studio with an extremely agitated Baekhyun watching over them like a hawk. Baekhyun had been in full Baekzilla mode. “This is madness,” Luhan muttered grumpily, “Tao is completely crazy.”

“Does anyone feel like he took more measurements than necessary? And that he liked to stab people with pins?” Chanyeol voiced.

Sehun and Luhan nodded vigorously, “I’m pretty sure he broke skin in a few places,” Sehun complained.

Luhan’s phone rang suddenly. “Hello?”

“ _Is Chanyeol and Sehun with you?_ ” Baekhyun snapped.

Luhan sighed wearily, “Baek, we literally just walked out the door of Tao’s studio.”

“ _Well_ _you guys better get on your tasks then! You guys can’t waste more time!”_

Luhan glanced at Sehun and Chanyeol who were wearing the same sullen faces that Luhan was sure mirrored his own, “Baek, can’t we eat first? We’re starving and we haven’t eaten the entire day.”

“ _EAT?! The wedding’s in four months and all you guys can think of is food?!_ ” Baekhyun’s indignant voice thundered.

“Baek, forty five minutes is all I’m asking for, ok? We need a break; we’re exhausted.” Luhan pleaded wearily.

“ _What about me?! Do you not think I’m tired also? Do you see me taking any breaks?”_

“You should be taking breaks,” Luhan retorted, “Fine, fine. Half an hour. Give us half an hour before we go run our errands that you have assigned us. Please? Half an hour?”

Baekhyun merely gave a sharp huff before hanging up.

“Chanyeol, Baek is driving us crazy. Have you two ever thought of hiring a wedding planner?” Luhan asked.

Chanyeol shifted his feet nervously, “Baek wants the wedding to be original. He wants to use his own ideas,” Chanyeol explained softly.

“Chanyeol,” Luhan began, “There’re tons of wedding planners nowadays who let their customers take complete reign. It shouldn’t be that hard to find one. Why don’t you try suggesting that idea to Baek?”

Chanyeol looked apprehensive. “Fine, but you guys are coming with me,” he gave in, resigned.

* * *

 

Silence. Terse. The living room of Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s apartment seemed like a bomb waiting to go off. Sehun and Luhan sat on the couch and tried very hard to blend in with the furniture. Sehun appeared to be extremely interested in the seat cushions while Luhan stared at the TV, not meeting his fuming best friend’s eyes. Chanyeol was cowering against the wall as his little fiancé glared at the three of them.

“What,” Baekhyun snarled, breaking the silence, “Was so important that instead of completing the tasks that I assigned you guys, you guys are sitting here to _talk to me_?”

There was a collective flinch.

“Well…uh, Baek,” Luhan started timidly, “We-Chanyeol has an idea that he would like to propose to you,” he finished quickly as he threw an apologetic glance at the tall, terrified person who was giving him a pleading look.

“ _Well?_ ” Baekhyun turned to his fiancé, who was looking as if he had spiders trying to crawl up his throat.

Chanyeol laughed nervously, “Baek…um…the thing is…” he trailed off.

“ _What_?” Baekhyun hissed, “I don’t have all day!”

“I…um…I noticed…you were…ah…working really hard…to plan our wedding,” Chanyeol began.

“ _DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST NOTICE?_ ” Baekhyun all but screamed at him. Chanyeol cowered further into the wall.

“Yes, well, Baek, that’s exactly what I wanted to talk to you about,” Chanyeol said in a rush, finding a little bit of courage. “You’re working too hard and so we think you should hire a wedding planner,” he continued earnestly. “It’s not like we don’t want to do our tasks,” he said quickly, “We really want to help out. Truly. But none of us have any idea how to complete the tasks. And it’s not I don’t care about the wedding. I really want to get married to you, Baek, and I really want you to have the wedding of your dreams. But since none of us have a clue with what we’re doing, I think we’re doing more harm than help, actually. But if you hire a professional, you might be able to get across your ideas more clearly and to someone who actually understands the difference between a ranunculus and a rose.” Chanyeol looked at Baekhyun with pleading eyes.

The expression on Baekhyun’s face was turning worse as his eyebrows drew together. Chanyeol looked at Luhan for help.

“It’ll still be your own ideas, Baek,” Luhan jumped in quickly, “Just that a professional is making it come true instead of us.”

Baekhyun stared at the both of them, “So you just expect me to-to drop everything I have been working on for the past two weeks and start from scratch?” His voice was deadly quiet.

Sehun looked as if the last place he wanted to be was right there in the middle of Baekhyun’s apartment so he sat there quietly, trying to make himself as inconspicuous as possible, lest Baekhyun’s rage got to him too.

“You’re not starting over, Baek,” Luhan tried to reason. “Just…erm transferring ideas?”

Baekhyun swelled dangerously and Luhan and Chanyeol closed their eyes, fearing the worst when a knock sounded. There was a pause. “What is that?” Baekhyun finally broke the silence tersely. Sehun, Luhan, and Chanyeol exchanged nervous glances again.

“The…um…wedding planner?” Luhan answered in a small voice.

Baekhyun sucked in a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I don’t even know what to say anymore,” he said darkly as he crossed the room to get the door. “This better be worth it,” and with that, he wrenched the door open, only to have his jaw drop on the ground. Sehun, Luhan, and Chanyeol waited with bated breath.

“Hello,” a pleasant voice sounded, “Is this the residence of a Mr. Park Chanyeol and a Mr. Byun Baekhyun?”

Baekhyun spluttered, “You’re-you are…” Baekhyun goggled at the man in a sharp, grey suit and frosty blue hair to match it. “You’re…”

He tried again, but no words came. “You’re Key…the celebrity wedding planner.”

“I am Key,” the man sounded delighted, “Wedding planner at your service. Can I come in?” Baekhyun wordlessly moved aside for the man to enter. “Oh hello,” the man saw the three of them as he stepped into the room. “Now which two of you are getting married?” He asked brightly. Chanyeol wordlessly raised his hand. “Fantastic! Where is your husband to be?” Chanyeol gestured behind Key, where Baekhyun was still standing there, shocked. “Oh how cute!” Key cooed, “This is going to be a grand event!” He took ahold of Baekhyun’s hands and led him over to the rest of them. Chanyeol tentatively moved from his spot to sit cautiously next to Luhan. Key clapped his hands excitedly, “Show me what you’ve got so far!”

Baekhyun still had a look of surprise about him. Sehun raised his eyebrows at Luhan, who shrugged. Chanyeol looked less terrified now that Baekhyun isn’t screaming anymore. “Baek…” Chanyeol started cautiously, eyeing Baekhyun warily, “Tell him your ideas.”

Baekhyun opened his mouth. And then closed it. “Holy crap,” he whispered softly.

The three of them looked at each other nervously.

Baekhyun twisted to face Key, “You’re-you’re legendary!” He sputtered in awe, “You planned so many weddings and they’re perfect every single time! How…How are you here?”

The wedding planner laughed, “Mr. Park Chanyeol contacted me and wanted me to plan his wedding. It took great effort just to get my contact information. I appreciated his dedication, so I couldn’t say no!”

Chanyeol shifted, slightly embarrassed, “I didn’t do much,” he mumbled.

“Nonsense! Poor boy nearly had to chase me to Paris!” Key waved his hand merrily.

Baekhyun looked from Chanyeol to Key repeatedly. “Yeol…”

“I just wanted the best for you, Baek,” Chanyeol said earnestly, “You deserve the very best. The wedding of your dreams. I didn’t know what I was doing most of the time, so I brought in someone who does.”

“So sweet!” Key blinked rapidly.

“Yeol…” Baekhyun whispered. “You big dummy, you giant idiot…I love you so much!” His voice was starting to tremble.

Chanyeol smiled sheepishly, “Does that mean we’re using a wedding planner?”

“Yes, you dummy!” Baekhyun wailed, lunging across the room to throw himself at Chanyeol.

“So you’re not frighteningly angry anymore?”

Sehun chuckled, relaxing for the first time since stepping into the apartment. He grasped Luhan’s hand, smiling at him when Luhan turned to give him a beaming smile.

Everything was going to be just fine.

* * *

 

Sehun set down his pen with a tired, but elated sigh. He glanced at the clock before stretching, hearing the satisfying sounds of his joints popping. It was nearing midnight. He looked back at what he had been writing, blew on it gently to make sure the ink was dry, and closed the book with a snap. It was finally done. His little project that he had been working on ever since he and Luhan returned from China. Another sigh escaped from his mouth, relieved and satisfied as he gazed at the cover. Smiling, he placed the book in a little lock box carefully, his heart pounding with delight at the thought of what he planning to do. He was getting ahead of himself; he had some things to take care of first. Powering his laptop on, Sehun began writing an email.

 

_Dear Mr. Joonmyun,_

_Here is my latest manuscript. I trust it will be published in about two weeks. I think you’ll find the plot engaging and I believe it suits your tastes as well as the general public. After all, who doesn’t like a good love story? I look forward to seeing it on the shelves soon._

_Best,_

_Oh Sehun_

 

Pressing send, Sehun got up from his chair and went to search for his love, who was presumably in his studio, working into the late hours. Sehun couldn’t stop the wide grin from spreading across his face as he thought of what he was about to do the next day.

It was going to be such a great surprise.

* * *

 

The wedding was absolutely perfect. Key worked his magic, and everyone was properly awed. Sehun and Luhan had watched Baekhyun and Chanyeol become husband and husband. Aside from Sehun, there hadn’t been a dry eye in the entire venue as they watched the couple exchange their vows. But now the ceremony was over and it was time for the festivities to begin.

Sehun stood next to Chanyeol and Luhan next to Baekhyun as they prepared to receive their guests.

“Wow,” Chanyeol sighed happily.

Sehun grinned at him, “Are you happy, hyung?”

“Happy? I’m ecstatic,” Chanyeol answered with a soft smile. “I just married the love of my life. I’m surrounded by people I care about. Everything is perfect. I couldn’t have asked for anything better.” Sehun laughed, happy for Chanyeol’s happiness. Chanyeol glanced at him, “And what about you, Sehunnie? When are you going to get your forever after?”

“Soon,” Sehun answered, smiling softly. “Very soon.”

“Oh?” Chanyeol raised an eyebrow, interested. But before he could speak, Baekhyun leaned in. Apparently he had been listening to their conversation. Luhan wasn’t paying attention to the trio, chatting cheerfully with a guest.

“I’m all for your and Luhan’s happiness, but you can’t do anything tonight,” Baekhyun hissed, “Tonight is my night and don’t you dare do anything, Oh Sehun.”

“Relax,” Sehun laughed, “I won’t dare ruin your perfect night. Besides, I already have everything planned.”

“It better be perfect, Luhan deserves the best,” Baekhyun threatened.

Sehun offered a wide grin, “Of course.”

“But don’t you dare do anything tonight, do you hear me?” Baekhyun glared at Sehun.

Sehun held up his hands in defense, “Nope. All attention will be on you tonight. I’m not stealing your spotlight. I wouldn’t dare.”

“Good!” Baekhyun huffed.

“What are you guys whispering over there?” Luhan laughed, “You guys have guests to greet.”

Baekhyun straightened up, but not before giving Sehun a final glare. “Just establishing some rules,” he said vaguely. Luhan looked at Sehun in question and Sehun merely offered him a gentle smile. Luhan sighed and chuckled, turning away to greet more guests. He could always find out later.

* * *

 

Sehun found Luhan at the edge of the dancefloor, smiling fondly at the newlyweds. They had their first dance and dinner had been served and the wedding was slowly drawing to a close. Guests were either dancing or chatting merrily. Luhan leaned against Sehun’s shoulder and Sehun wrapped an arm around Luhan’s waist as they both quietly observed Chanyeol and Baekhyun dance happily with each other.

“I’m so happy for them,” Luhan sighed, content.

Sehun _hmm_ ed in agreement, “Yeah, they look so in love, don’t they?” He asked. Luhan nodded.

“They got their forever after,” a light smile graced Luhan’s lips. Then he glanced up at Sehun and grinned mischievously, “Wanna get out of here?”

“Fresh air?” Sehun offered

Luhan smiled, “Took the words out of my mouth.” He held up a hand, “Here, come with me. I came across a really pretty balcony earlier and I just really wanted to be there with you.” Without any hesitation, Sehun grabbed his hand and held it tight. He would go anywhere with Luhan.

Luhan lead them onto a private balcony and he was right, it was pretty. The venue that Baekhyun and Chanyeol had chosen for their wedding was located just a little bit out of Seoul, which meant there were no sounds of traffic or the yellow city lights. Instead a blanket of dazzling stars covered the night sky and everything was lightly dusted in a fine, white powder since it had snowed earlier. It was Christmas, after all. It was perfect. “I wish I had my sketchpad with me,” Luhan laughed, a bit regretfully. He glanced at Sehun, “I really want to sketch you right now. You look so perfect.”

“Take a mental picture,” Sehun suggested, holding Luhan close.

“Already did,” Luhan beamed up at him. “I can’t wait to draw you later.”

Sehun laughed, “I look forward to it.”  Luhan winked at him before wriggling out of his arms and stood next to Sehun, face upturned towards the heavens.

Sehun watched Luhan’s profile against the glittering night sky. Luhan exhaled and Sehun watched the white steam float out of Luhan’s mouth. Luhan looked ethereal, pale face glowing since it was so dark out. Luhan leaned out against the railing, closed his eyes, and sucked in a deep breath, filling his lungs with clean, crisp air. “I am so happy right now,” he announced, his eyes still closed. “This is perfect. My best friend just got married. The love of my life is right by my side. Perfect. I’m so happy.”

The corner of Sehun’s mouth lifted in a fond smile as he continued to watch. Sehun felt the exact same way, his heart thudding fiercely, filled with feelings of happiness and love, so much that it was starting to feel overwhelming. Absentmindedly, his hand traveled to his pocket and pulled out a small, red box. He had gotten it the day he finished his project and it has been in his pocket ever since.

“I love you, Sehun,” Luhan’s hushed whisper echoed through the air. He still had his eyes closed. “This is so perfect.”

Gazing back at him, there was a surge of love and Sehun felt it throughout his entire body. Sehun glanced at the red box in his hand again. Without thinking, he slowly sank to one knee as if his body had a mind of its own. “Luhan,” Sehun called.

“Hm?” Luhan smiled, but didn’t look back.

“Luhan, can you look at me, please?” Sehun requested, his voice soft.

Luhan finally turned around to face him, eyes widening when he saw Sehun. “Sehun…?” He whispered, unable to believe his eyes.

“So, this isn’t actually how I planned for it to happen,” Sehun admitted, letting out a little laugh.

“Sehun…” Luhan breathed.

“But like you said, this is perfect, and I guess I just didn’t want to wait any longer,” Sehun confessed, a faint pink dusting his cheeks. Luhan stared at him, speechless. Sehun took in a deep breath and smiled up at Luhan. “Luhan, we’ve been through so many ups and downs, but through every high and low, I think I’ve only fallen in love with you even more. We overcame so many different obstacles and there isn’t anyone else I’d like more to be by my side to take on whatever life throws at us. I know I hurt you deeply,” Sehun’s voice took on a somber tone. Luhan shook his head at him, unable to speak. “And I am so sorry for what I did. From now on, I promise to never hurt you again. I will protect you and love you and watch sappy TV dramas with you. I want to do everything with you. I want to take on the world with you. You are my first love and only love. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Let’s have our own forever ever, too. Luhan, will you marry me?” Sehun asked carefully, opening the Cartier box in his hands.

Luhan’s eyes were sparkling with tears, but he was smiling broadly. “Yes,” he murmured. And then a little louder, “Yes.” He walked towards Sehun, “Yes yes yes,” he chanted, pulling Sehun up to his feet. “Sehun-ah, let’s have our forever after.”

Sehun laughed as he slipped the ring onto Luhan’s finger and pulled him in to kiss him. “Let’s,” he agreed, before pressing their lips together in a sweet kiss.

“Oh no,” Sehun suddenly said, a little while later.

“What?” Luhan asked, nuzzled against his chest.

“Baekhyun is going to be so mad.”

* * *

 

They heard Baekhyun first rather than see him.

“OH SEHUN!” Baekhyun’s murderous voice sounded through the venue. Guests stopped dancing and heads all turned in the same direction.

“Crap!” Sehun panicked, “I’m dead.” His eyes darted around nervously.

Luhan laughed, amused, “Don’t worry, Sehun-ah, I’m sure Baek will understand.”

“No no no,” Sehun whimpered, “This is _Baekhyun_ , I’m so dead.”

“YES YOU ARE, OH SEHUN,” An irate Baekhyun stomped towards them, with murderous intent in his eyes. Chanyeol trailed behind him helplessly. Luhan chuckled as he grabbed Sehun’s hand. “YOU-HOW COULD YOU?!” Baekhyun bellowed. “I KNEW YOU WERE UP TO SOMETHING! I KNEW IT!” He pointed a finger threateningly at the couple.

Sehun darted behind Luhan, “I’m sorry!” He yelped, “I didn’t mean to!” And then in a quieter voice, “Please don’t kill me.”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIDN’T MEAN TO?” Baekhyun cried.

“Baek-” Luhan began, but stopped when Baekhyun grabbed his left hand.

“YOU IDIOT! YOU SAID YES?” Baekhyun howled upon seeing the ring on Luhan’s finger.

Luhan wrenched his hand free from Baekhyun’s grasp, “Yes!” He beamed, “Of course I did!”

“YOU TRAITOR! WHY DID YOU SAY YES?!”

Luhan gave him a look, “Why not?” He quipped.

“MY WEDDING!” Baekhyun wailed in despair. “IT’S MY WEDDING! MY NIGHT! IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE ALL ABOUT ME!”

“Oh stop being such a drama queen,” Luhan sighed. “You’re announcing the news to everyone already, with your screaming and yelling. How’d you find out so soon, anyway?”

“Kyungsoo told me he said he saw a ring on you,” Baekhyun glowered.

Luhan held up his hand, beaming happily, “And how does it look?”

“Like you’re about to have your forever after,” Baekhyun admitted grudgingly. Luhan grinned, pulling Sehun closer to him. He waited, expectant, knowing that his best friend can’t be angry for long. “Oh, what the hell,” Baekhyun sighed, “Congratulations.” He glared at Sehun, “The little shit finally did something right.” Sehun smiled at him sheepishly. “You’re lucky you’re my best friend, I don’t share my spotlight with just anyone, you know,” Baekhyun told Luhan.

“I’m well aware,” Luhan smiled. “But the spotlight is all yours.”

“Nope,” Baekhyun grinned. Luhan groaned, but only halfheartedly.

***

“Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for attending my wedding! Before you retire for the evening, however, I have exciting news. My best friend, Luhan, just got engaged to a little brat named Sehun. Though Sehun gets on my nerves sometimes, I don’t think anyone else suits Luhan better than he does. The two of them are just meant to be…Just like Chanyeol and me. So tonight, as you congratulate us on our marriage, please extend your congratulations to Luhan and Sehun as well.”

* * *

 

Sehun felt like he’s dreaming as he watched Luhan walk down the aisle towards him in a dazzling white suit. As they took their places, Luhan grinned so widely at him that his face is splitting in half and Sehun knew he had the exact same expression on his face.

***

“Do you take Luhan to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do.”

Do you take Oh Sehun to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do.”

“Very well, I now pronounce you as husband and husband. You may now kiss.”

As Sehun and Luhan drew towards each other amidst cheers, they smiled happily.

Their forever after was just starting.

 

**~END~**


	19. Epilogue

* * *

 

“Here,” Sehun handed Luhan a book, “This is my wedding present to you.”

Luhan looked up at him, “Is this what you’ve been working on?”

Sehun nodded, a faint flush tinting the tips of his ears pink. “I hope you enjoy it.” With saying that, he kissed Luhan softly before leaving Luhan to himself and Sehun’s present.

Luhan smiled fondly at Sehun’s retreating back and turned his attention to the book. Tracing a finger around the cover, he opened it gently.

 

_Dearest Luhan,_

_I remember that day when I woke up. May 3rd. The first person I saw was you, Luhan. I remember thinking that you were the most beautiful person I’ve seen. I remember thinking that I really wanted to know you. And I had the strangest feeling that I did know you. But frustration and confusion ruled out the feeling of wanting to know you. I was so confused. I had no idea who you were, where I was, or even what my own name is. That scared me beyond belief. Imagine having to lose your entire existence, I was so confused. I apologize for my harsh words that day, Luhan. You were only trying to help, I should’ve known. But you smiled at me. And even to this day, I remember seeing your lips tremble as you tried to_ _hold in_ _your tears that day when I asked who you were._

_"_ Hello Sehun _,” You greeted_ _me_ _, in a voice so soft, so gentle, but full of unspoken pain. “_ That’s your name, and mine is Luhan. _"_

_Sehun._

_In my head, I panicked._ _I don’t know a ‘Sehun’ I remembered thinking. I didn’t even know if you were right or wrong. I tried so hard to remember, but all that was in my head was a blank expanse of nothingness. Nothing looked the slightest bit familiar. I still consider it a miracle that I somehow came home with you that day._

_I demanded proof. Proof that my name is Sehun. Proof that we were friends, according to you. Proof of my entire existence._

_You were ever so patient with me, showing me pictures, never losing your temper, and explaining things to me._

_In response, I was so horrible to you, not trusting you and accusing you of things you didn’t do. I’m so sorry for hurting you. I’m so sorry for not being there for you. I’m so sorry._

_But you were so strong. And you fought for us. And I think that’s what brought me around. Your infinite love and trust helped me heal._ _Helped me_ _return_ _to you._

_And now I will always be by your side, loving you, supporting you. I won’t ever leave you again._

_Thank you for saving me. Thank you for accepting me. I think if I hadn’t confessed on that fateful day, we still would be together. Thank you for always cheering me up when I’m down. Thank you for your endless strength and courage. I don’t think I’ve been in more awe of anyone else but you. It is only you, Luhan, and it will only ever be you. You are my past, present, and future._

_Thank you for protecting me. For telling me my lisp wasn’t anything to worry about. For making me feel special. I can go on, but I’ll tell you in person. Thank you for making me happy. I’m so glad I’m in love with you. Every day, I fall a little harder in love with you. Thank you for loving me. Thank you, Luhan. I love you._

_This book is dedicated to you, my love._

_Love you forever,_

_Sehun_

Luhan turned the page, smiling as he blinked back tears, touched. He didn’t think he could be any happier, but Sehun had proven him wrong. Luhan gave a fond, watery chuckle when he noticed the title of the book.

“The Story of Us”

By Oh Sehun

 

_**~FIN~** _


	20. Last Words From the Author

Well guys, it's finally over. I just wanted to thank each and every one of you for reading this story. I do hope you guys enjoyed it. Depending on how much free time I will have, I will be updating my other fic and of course, writing more Hunhan ^_^ Thank you guys for your support and your encouraging words. Without you guys, I probably won't have the motivation to finish this. Once again, I'm so sorry for the 3 year long delay, but thank you guys for staying with me. This is the first story I have ever finished and I am immensely proud of it. I look forward to reading your comments and thoughts! Thank you for taking the time to read my writings and maybe giving some kudos!

This has been a wild, crazy adventure, but I had fun and I hope you guys did too.

"It's not goodbye, it's see you later."

Thank you. Each and every one of you.

Love,

Ela

(A little self-promo) 

If you guys haven't checked out my other story yet, please do! ^^ You can find it [here](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/611849/what-is-love). I will try to update it asap! It is on AsianFanFics, but I am in the process of moving things here to Archive as well! 

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters, pictures, gifs, videos etc. used in this story. The only thing I own is the plot.
> 
> Author's Note:  
> This fanfic just came to me in the middle of the night when I was trying to finish writing a speech for speech class. I apologize in advance if there are any similarities with any other story; that will be purely a coincidence. I can assure that that these thoughts are entirely my own. Some elements of this story may be inspired by other media, but I wrote this story entirely on my own without copying or modifying others' work.
> 
> That also means that I really don't appreciate others stealing my work. If you wish to translate this story, please message me and I will gladly give you permission. 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy it! It's my first ever yaoi fanfic. Comments/criticisim are welcome, but please be considerate.


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